


The Rest In Noise

by NeedleToTheGroove (melissa7187)



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: And The Bellas have them figured out, Chloe travels the world, F/F, In which Beca pings, Mostly Fluff, Slow Burn, with a side order of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-10 10:26:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 56,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4388261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melissa7187/pseuds/NeedleToTheGroove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beca is sure it means something that Chloe is the one she calls when she needs rescued. She's just not sure what.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Can Breathe Now

**Author's Note:**

> Post PP2. Multi-chapter fic following the prompts for Bechloe week. 
> 
> Fic title comes from the Jamie XX song.

"Oh fuck", Beca mumbled through gritted teeth as she stepped outside of _Residual Heat_ and into a flash thunderstorm. It had been a long and very rainy summer and she was lucky that she kept an umbrella on her at all times now. There was no use getting soaked when she had her trusty, pocket companion just tucked right inside of her messenger bag. Which... _wasn't_ tossed lazily over her shoulder and was still on her desk back inside of the building, along with her key card to get back in and her car keys to drive home.

"God damn it."

* * *

She had just spent her first all-nighter at the recording studio since starting her job back in May and she usually had her shit together, but the excitement of the day had short-circuited the organized part of her mind and led to this. Outside of this major inconvenience, it had been a great day, probably one of the best she'd ever had, which she hated to see ruined just like this. She had been given her first real opportunity at the studio and had spent the day listening to Haim record the first few tracks for their next LP, perched in a corner observing her experienced coworkers and scrawling notes onto a piece of paper as she just kinda took it all in. And when one of Danielle's solos fell flat and Beca suggested that they begin their second song with an a cappella intro, she officially felt like she was slightly useful.

But that was before she stayed all night like an over-eager suck up and locked herself out. She had at least managed to keep her cell phone in her pocket, but she had no money for a cab or a flashlight as the streetlights gradually starting to flicker out as it neared four in the morning. And on top of all that, she was freezing. She just didn't understand how it could be balmy and disgusting during the day and this chilly once the sun went down.

Needless to say, there was a lot to complain about and as she sunk onto the pavement outside of the studio and tried to keep dry, she started to weigh her options. She hadn't spoken to Jesse since a few days after Copenhagen (and _no,_ she didn't want to even think about it and make her night worse) and her dad was off limits as well because she would just wake up her six-year-old little sister (another thing that was off fucking limits right now) with a late night phone call and get in trouble. She probably could have gotten away with calling Stacie, who was attending medical school at Emory, or Emily, but she had never been really close with them and it just made her ache for the rest of the Bellas that had fled for brighter parts of the world after graduating.

So, that only left her with one option and she hated to do it, but she really had no choice. She'd just have to suck up her pride and call Chloe and let her rescue her. Again. For the millionth time since they had graduated and moved on and tried to be adults, with mixed results.

* * *

It had almost become kinda pathetic how much she had grown to rely on Chloe. Chloe was there when she had a _tiny_ grease fire in her apartment, when a month passed by since her breakup with Jesse and she just needed ice cream and a hug, and when her boss had been a major prick shortly after she had been hired and sent her crawling off to Chloe's apartment in a fit of girly tears. It wasn't that she didn't like having Chloe there and that they weren't best friends, she just felt...inadequate at returning the favor. She knew that if Chloe ever needed her for something more than a ride or a talk, she just wouldn't be able to measure up to her comforting hugs and even voice and eyes that just staring into would immediately calm her down.

Which was normal. Maybe.

She was sure that it meant something that Chloe was the one that she called and was the one that would drop everything to be there for her, but she wasn't quite sure what.

Which was another level of terrifying that left her with shaky hands and racing thoughts and a pit in her stomach that burnt whenever she was around Chloe. But it didn't stop her from dialing the familiar number and waiting for her friend to pick up.

* * *

"Get in loser", Chloe yelled out of her cracked passenger window as the rain came down in sheets. "We're going home."

Beca bit back a grateful smile and ran out from underneath the doorway of the recording studio, squealing as she was instantly soaked by the water. She threw open the passenger door of Chloe's tiny Geo and sunk onto the seat, pushing her sopping hair out of her face and shivering a little as Chloe started to look for something to dry her off with.

"You're soaked! I think I have a towel around here somewhere."

"Thanks for coming for me", Beca mumbled through her chattering teeth as she hugged herself to maintain whatever body heat she had left. "I know it's late and you have private voice lessons tomorrow and I'm just-"

"-I'd never leave you here, silly", Chloe cut her off while rummaging through the back of her car and only coming up with some napkins from McDonald's. "I'm sorry, but I only have these. I guess just wipe your face off and I'll try to get us back to my place before you get hypothermia. Buckle up!"

* * *

So, how was your day?"

The heat was pouring through the vents of the car and the wipers were going crazy against the windshield as they crawled through the water heavy streets. Beca had managed to dry off a little, but the leather seat beneath her wasn't helping much and she just wanted to get out of these clothes and her flooded shoes and warm up. But _still_ , she couldn't not humor Chloe.

"I worked with Haim today. Well, I pretty much **observed** Haim today, but I did give a suggestion and Este smiled at me which was like-"

"-Oh my God, tell me everything!"

* * *

"And I was like 'Maybe you guys should make it a cappella' and they all kinda stared at me and then Alana was like 'Fuck yeah, man' and I just about died."

"That is so amazing!" Chloe practically shouted as they pulled off of the exit where her apartment was tucked away in the suburbs and couldn't stop herself from grinning."I knew you would be amazing."

"Well, it wasn't like reinventing the wheel or whatever, but it was definitely pretty cool." Beca could feel the tips of her ears heating up at the attention Chloe was giving her and while it was nice to have the support, she didn't want to make it all about her. "So, how was your day? Did any of your kids give you shit today?"

"Sorry to disappoint you, but they were actually pretty tame. We're starting to rehearse for our fall assembly and the kids are pretty excited because Principal Evans gave us permission to do some modern songs."

"Modern songs like Nicki Minaj?"

"No!" Chloe blurted out while shoving her playfully against the door. "I don't wanna be fired from my first year of teaching; that would be an a ca-catastrophe. Songs like Taylor Swift and One Direction, genius."

"So...garbage songs?"

"Hey! You need to cool the music snobbery, Ms. Super Cool Music Producer. The kids are just really excited. I even had two more sign up for fifth-grade choir because we get to do Shake It Off."

"Two kids? Jesus Chloe, that's amazing!" Chloe smiled at her genuine enthusiasm and Beca couldn't stop her mouth from dropping into a giant, dimple-inducing grin. Chloe had been having trouble generating interest from the kids at the elementary school where she taught at and since they were in a poorer school district it wasn't like she could woo them with cool presentations or whatnot. This was a big deal and Beca was thrilled for her."Way to take the wind out of my sails, Ms. Beale. You clearly had the better day."

* * *

Chloe parked her car in the reserved space outside of her building and readied herself before opening her door and running with Beca up to her apartment. By the time they reached her apartment up on the third floor they were soaked and Chloe didn't even bother to fuss over their wet sneakers on the carpet as the flung themselves through her front door.

"Get undressed and I'll grab you something to change into", Chloe stated while pulling her soaked sweater over her head and walking topless off to her bedroom. "Grab some towels too, you know where they are."

Beca froze as Chloe's bare back disappeared and felt that familiar burning feeling start up again in her stomach. It wasn't like she _hadn't_ seen Chloe like that before, but it just didn't feel the same this time and she couldn't put a finger on exactly why. She knew that Chloe would never in a million years try to make her uncomfortable and she knew that she **shouldn't** be uncomfortable considering everything that the two of them had experienced since meeting, but she felt different and she wasn't quite sure if it was a good or bad change. It was just...weird.

She couldn't stay in her soaked clothes though and sighed as she dumped her wet boots in front of the door and peeled her outfit off until she was standing in her underwear. Chloe entered the living room a moment later with a complete change of clothes for Beca and smiled at her gently as she lingered in the hallway and stared back at her. Her face was flushed and she was having a hard time meeting Beca's eyes as she tossed the clothes towards her.

Beca thanked her wordlessly and as she unfolded the pants and the thermal t-shirt and the underwear that Chloe had picked out for her she couldn't stop herself from chuckling softly. Things **were** definitely different and seeing Chloe like that cemented that there was something going on between them that went beyond Chloe rescuing her and Beca giving her brilliant (Chloe's words, not her own) music tips for her hyperactive students.

"You okay?" Chloe murmured while leaning against the wall and worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. It bothered Beca to see Chloe like this and she simply nodded, smiling a little when Chloe let out a sigh of relief. "You had me worried."

"I just..."

"You just, what?" Chloe whispered while taking a few tentative steps towards her and reaching out to touch her bare arm. Beca desperately wanted to blurt out the first thing that came to her mind, the one thing that was resting on the tip of her tongue and fighting against her clenched teeth to slip through, but she couldn't and instead just sighed as Chloe rubbed her arm and softly said "You can tell me anything, Bec."

"I just thought it would be harder to get in your pants. Who knew that I just needed to wait for a rainstorm?"

"You ass!" Chloe exclaimed while shoving her and pushing her hair out of her eyes nervously. "You really had me expecting some big, angsty declaration or something."

"Nah, maybe tomorrow. Now, get to bed so I can get dressed and not be eye-molested by you."

"Next time you can call your other friends to get you in the middle of the night, Mitchell."

"You know you love me", Beca called out as Chloe started back to her bedroom and the heat started to work its way out of her chest. She wasn't sure what Chloe had been expecting her to say and if it was anything related to what had been running through her head then they were in trouble.

"You're right, I kinda do. Now, hurry up and get in bed with me so we can snuggle."

Strike that. They were in big fucking trouble.


	2. Worn Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Chloe makes her big adult debut and Beca realizes that maybe she's a little too boyfriendly for her own good.

* * *

Beca never imagined herself spending another Friday night listening to girls singing badly and dancing awkwardly on a stage after leaving Barden and the Bellas behind but here she was. And as the group of third graders whipped out tiny flags and waved them enthusiastically over their heads as they sang _America the Beautiful_ , she briefly contemplated taking a much needed smoke break and waiting it out with other edgy parents until Chloe’s set finally began. She had never really smoked, but she’d take one for the team if it meant that her evening of putting her ear drums through hell was given a much-needed break before she went completely insane.

She should have been at the tiny hipster bar in Midtown with her friends from work, celebrating the amazing signing that her boss had announced via e-mail from Los Angeles that afternoon, but she couldn’t back out after promising Chloe that she would be there for her big night. So, instead of knocking back shots of Jack with her buddies (and sure, maybe she was being generous about the definition of friends, but they **had** stopped calling her Reggie and that meant _something_ ) and discussing just how amazing it would be to work with Jessie J when she joined them in a few weeks to record a special EP, she was stuck here. In the front row. Clutching her cellphone in her hand so it would be ready for her to take a ton of pictures to share with their college friends and making sure she didn’t move her feet and crush the bouquet of roses that were shoved safely underneath her uncomfortable bleacher seat.

So yeah, maybe she was _semi-excited_ for this evening and couldn’t stop reading over Chloe’s name in the program and suppressing a grin, but that didn’t mean anything. She was just a good friend sent on a Posen mission for great pictures and the savant-like ability to block out awful singing for the greater good of the world.

Or at least she kept telling herself that.

* * *

 

But every girl had her limits and as the little girls started a rousing rendition of _When the Saints Go Marching In,_ Beca Mitchell went marching out. It took around five minutes for her to remember just how much she hated the smell of cigarette smoke, but she could still hear the kids singing through the cracked doors to the auditorium and leaned against the cool brick wall with her partners in sanity.

“Is your kid performing tonight?” The woman texting furiously next to Beca asked while glancing up at her between words. “My fucking ex-husband was supposed to be here to see our son sing tonight, but _of course_ he had to work. Want one?”

She held out a cigarette to Beca and she quickly shook her head while digging the toes of her Chucks into the mulch that surrounded the building and trying to look aloof. “I quit. Apparently, it’s bad for your lungs.”

“Is that so?” The woman replied sarcastically before throwing her phone back into her purse and fumbling with her spent lighter. “Anything can be bad for your health if you let it. Booze, cigarettes, and men can all kill you in time. You a single mom?” Beca shook her head and the woman said “Good. It’ll ruin your life if you get involved with a dirtbag. If you’re gonna get married make sure he’s a good guy. Good or rich, which is important too.”

“I’ll keep that in mind”, Beca mumbled while trying not to antagonize the obviously agitated woman. “I don’t have a kid singing tonight, thank God.”

“So…you’re just here to watch little kids perform? That’s a new one.”

“No! I’m not like a pervert or something like that, I **swear** ”, Beca practically pleaded with the woman as she shot her a strange look and took a giant step to her left. “My best friend is a music teacher here and I’m cheering her on. It’s her first recital and she was pretty nervous about it. Her name is Chloe, Chloe Beale. She teaches-“

“-Music classes for the fourth and fifth graders. She’s a good teacher; my son Tommy just loves her. I’m relieved to hear that you’re here for her. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you were here just to watch the kids. I probably would have called the cops.” The woman laughed loudly and Beca almost jumped out of her skin in surprise before humoring her and chuckling a little. “You sure you don’t want a cig?”

“I’m positive.” Beca smiled tightly at the woman and watched as she simply shrugged and pulled her phone out again. “I should probably head back inside so I don’t miss the start of her set. It was nice meeting you.”

The lady simply mumbled something back at her and Beca took that as her cue to get the hell out of there. She flung the door open and was shushed by a mother that was intensely filming her child on her iPhone just inside of the building. She mumbled a quick ‘sorry’ and ducked into her row, whispering apologies as she squeezed and pushed past the knees and purses of the other people that weren’t rude enough to skip out before the show was over. And as she sunk onto her seat with a loud squeak, she promised herself that she wouldn’t move until the night was over. Even if it killed her.

* * *

 

Chloe stood in the corner of the stage as her group of kids climbed onto the risers in the middle of it and smiled to herself as she caught Beca whipping her phone out and taking a few quick pictures. She knew that Aubrey had given the girl a mission to document the night, since there was just no way she could make the trip with the corporate retreat season kicking into high gear, and it was kinda endearing to watch her do such an un-Beca thing. It was also kinda nice to have a friend there just to support her and she wasn’t quite sure if she would have been as calm about this whole thing if not for her presence slouched down in the front row. Sometimes just one person could make all the difference in the world.

As the last kid stepped into place on the stage, the dimmed lights gradually turned on and Chloe took three nervous strides to the front. She had never really had stage fright before and when she did, she always took Aubrey’s advice and focused on one person in the crowd. Her choice of person was made extremely simple for her this evening and as she caught Beca’s eye and watched the girl give her a coy thumbs up, her confidence restored itself.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m Ms. Beale and I’m proud to introduce the fourth and fifth grade combined choir. They’ve been working very hard over the past few weeks and we’re super excited for what we have for you this evening. Now, without further ado, let the show begin!”

Beca watched in surprise as Chloe sat down at the piano on the side of the stage and accompanied the kids as the sung their way through a set of typical “yay America!” songs. And while they were cute with their choreographed dance moves and didn’t sound terrible, Beca found herself just watching her friend as her face practically lit up the entire auditorium. She hadn’t seen Chloe this happy and in her element since before Muff-Gate and it was nice to have her back like this again. And as the night went on and she had to keep reminding herself to occasionally take pictures so Aubrey wouldn’t butcher her, she kinda wanted the show to last all night.

* * *

 

The lobby of the auditorium was filled with parents and their children and too much noise to even think straight. And as Beca perched herself on a table and looked for Chloe in the crowd of entirely too-tall people, she couldn’t help but snicker to herself at how boyfriend-ish this was. She was…boyfriendly. A gentleman, really, as a pair of kids ran into the side of the table as they played tag and she held onto it as it teetered instead of getting the hell out of there. She couldn’t leave though because she had that dumb wilting bouquet of flowers and also, she just kinda wanted to congratulate her friend.

And then she spotted her, grinning as she talked to a little boy and his parents excitedly. There was a crowd of people that seemed to be queuing to speak with the girl and Beca knew that she would be in for a long night. Part of her wanted to stride across the room and whisk her friend away from these yuppies, but the other (smarter and much more mature) part of her knew that Chloe was loving the attention and that she deserved the opportunity to suck up to these parents and gloat a little over just how well her first show had gone. And so, she leaned against the wall and waited it out because that was her job tonight and she was pretty glad to have it. It had turned out to be a much better decision than hanging out with the stuck up girls from work and while they would brag about how drunk they got and who they went home with back at work on Monday, she would have this and it would be enough.

After fifteen minutes Chloe looked around for Beca and smiled wearily once she spotted her sitting in the corner. Beca simply shrugged as Chloe mouthed “I’m sorry” and motioned for her to continue on with one of the unfortunate perks of her job. It had been such a long night and her feet were killing her though and she kinda just wanted to go home so she mouthed “Meet me outside” to Beca and tried to wrap her conversation up with Mrs. Johansson as quickly as possible without seeming rude.

* * *

 

“I swear, I thought she was never going to stop talking”, Chloe mumbled as the cool evening breeze blew against her flushed face and sent waves of relief through her body. “It’s so nice out here. Thank you for waiting for me.”

“Well, you _are_ my ride so I **kinda** had to.”

“You can always walk, my little paparazzi. Aubrey is gonna be so pleased with you though so I guess you can be my passenger. I’ll even let your attitude tag along.”

“I’m just happy she’s not going to kill me. I captured every angle of Ms. Beale’s big debut so she shouldn’t find much to bitch about.” Chloe beamed back at her at the mere mention of her professional name and Beca softly said “So…how did it feel up on that stage again? Just like old times?”

“No, not really”, Chloe began while linking arms with Beca at the elbow and starting to stroll to her car. “It’s kinda hard to explain it. It felt really good, but maybe not as consuming as our old performances were. I didn’t have to worry about hitting my marks or the right note, but it was still exhausting in a good way. I’m just so happy for those kids and the parents that showed up for them. I wasn’t sure how many would actually come to something dumb like this and I’m happy they did because those kids just lit up when they saw their parents.” They had reached her car and as Chloe fumbled through her purse for her car keys she gave Beca an apologetic smile and softly said “I’m sorry I’m rambling. I must sound like a crazy person talking your ear off like-“

“-You were amazing tonight, Chloe.”

And that was enough to quiet the girl as they stared at each other in the dim parking lot and simply smiled as the night slipped away around them.

* * *

 

 “I got you these”, Beca broke the silence between them as she held out the roses that were droopy and not nearly as beautiful as they were when she had picked them out that afternoon. “I swear they were nice at one point.”

“They’re beautiful. Thank you, Beca. And thank you for coming to my show. I hope it didn’t completely obliterate your eardrums.”

“It was hard but they made it through. You know, I was promised Taylor Swift though and that was definitely not T-Swizzle, so I kinda want a refund”, Beca teased while Chloe just shook her head. “And a camera so I could have captured fifteen little girls singing about going out too late and hooking up with other little boys.”

“Hey! Sometimes you have to lie a little to get the kids interested in something and we **are** going to do that kinda stuff at our spring show. We couldn’t just break the rules for our Veteran’s Day show though.”

“Well, you better reserve me a ticket for this next show of yours because I can’t not experience that. Front row seats, if you can.”

“Done”, Chloe smiled while finally unlocking her car and motioning for Beca to get inside. Once they were both buckled in and ready to go, Chloe’s hand lingered on the ignition and she tentatively said “Would you wanna go grab some food with me? I know it’s late, but I’m kinda on a post-show high and I can’t really take care of it the way we used to back at Barden.”

“With a ca-beer bongs and sliding down the steps?” Chloe nodded and Beca chuckled before she softly added “God, I can’t believe we all made it out of that house alive. Those were the strangest four years of my life.”

“And the best seven of mine, but who’s counting? Now are you going out with me or am I dropping you off at your place and eating Ben & Jerry’s alone back at mine?”

“Can we get pizza?”

“You’re a fussy date, Ms. Mitchell. But sure, pizza it is.”

* * *

 

“So, how excited are you for Jessie J?”

They had just finished consuming an entire pizza at their favorite little place in town and were walking off their post-parmesan laziness in the empty square just off of the restaurant. It was almost midnight and it was surprisingly empty for a Friday night, but neither minded not having the extra company.

“Um…how do you know about that? Are you some kind of psychic now?” Beca asked while Chloe simply raised an eyebrow and shrugged under the streetlamp they had stopped at. “Ya know, I was kinda surprised when you turned into Beethoven tonight, but maybe you’re a girl of many hidden talents. What’s next? Assassin?”

“Oh, stop it. I never told you about the piano thing because it was never really important and I’m not a psychic either. I just happen to follow _Residual Heat_ on Twitter and that was all they could tweet about this afternoon.”

“It’s still creepy.”

“ **You’re** still creepy too, but I’ve managed to put up with you for all these years. Now, tell me all about it!”

“Well, I’ll probably do next to nothing for it, but it’s going to be pretty amazing. She’s apparently doing this special EP or whatever and she wants it to be really different than what she or anyone else has ever done before. I don’t really know how we’re going to accomplish that but I was thinking about maybe doing a lot of layering and stuff like that. Maybe doing something like what James Blake did on his first album.”

“That album is amazing.”

“I know, right?!” Beca agreed and huffed a little when she saw Chloe smirking back at her. Her voice had reached a girly pitch as she struggled to control the musical mush that was escaping between her lips and she was definitely lacking a certain amount of chill. “Sorry, I’ve just been thinking about it since we found out this afternoon. You don’t have to humor me like this, Beale.”

“I’m not humoring you and I like when you get excited about something. You start to move your hands around and talk like an auctioneer. It’s cute.”

“I hate you”, Beca sighed before taking the hand that Chloe was offering to her and starting to walk with her again. “An auctioneer, huh?”

“A very low-key and tiny auctioneer, but yep.” Beca just shook her head and couldn’t stop her breath from catching a little when Chloe held her hand a little tighter when they crossed the street. They hadn’t done _this_ since back in Copenhagen and it was familiar and scary and nice all at once. She refused to let herself dwell on it though and simply enjoyed being in the moment. There would be time later, when she was staring at her ceiling at four in the morning and struggling to get to sleep, to tear it apart and figure out what it meant. Or at least what it meant to her and her thumping heart and the easy smile that was painted on her face.

“Now, tell me everything. We have all night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of the support thus far. I know I'm a little tardy with following the week, but a fic's a fic right?


	3. Measurements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca bonds with her little sister and discovers that maybe this thing between her and Chloe is an actual thing. Which is great and all until life gets in the way.

* * *

“Hey! What are you up to?”

“Um…who is this?”

“It’s me, you idiot”, Beca replied before sighing into her phone. “Who else would it be?”

“Well, a. you never call me and b. you’re also never cheery after getting done with a studio session. You want something, don’t you?”

“Just to talk to my very sweet, very lovely best friend. My BFF for life, as the kids say.”

“Ah, you’ve been hanging out with _the kids_ , I see. Well, since you’re getting hip and in touch with your inner child, maybe you should take my place in August when school starts again. I’m sure they’d love to have cool Ms. Mitchell instead of boring old Ms. Beale.”

“Maybe. So, let’s just get to the point since your sarcasm is **definitely** not endearing”, Beca paused for a second while Chloe chuckled into her end of the phone and said “Yeah, you had me figured out Ms. Smarty-pants. Anyway, what do you know about soccer?”

“Not much. We were always more of a baseball family. Why? Are you thinking of joining a team or something? I think you might be just a _tad_ too short to keep up with the rest of the girls.”

“Oh my God, is it pick on Beca night?”

“It’s always pick on Beca night”, Chloe shot back while smirking as Beca growled into the phone. “Can you just spit out whatever it is you have to say? Or come over because I’m just starting to drive home and I don’t wanna crash my car while you dance around the point.”

“Where were you at?”

“Grabbing some groceries at the store. I could make you dinner if you come over. Maybe some…chicken parm?”

“That’s appealing on so many levels, but sadly I can’t and that’s getting to my point quickly. I’m over my dad’s place with Addison.” She paused for a moment to look up at her little sister, who was perched on a chair in the living room playing with some kind of handheld game and added “The fantastic Dr. Mitchell and Sheila are on a business trip in Orlando. It’s just for the weekend, but they couldn’t bring the duckling along and I kinda got suckered into it.”

“Awe, that’s so cute. I can just picture the two of you playing together. You should teach her how to produce music and then your dad can have the second coming of Beca on his hands.”

“I love you sometimes”, Beca mumbled before she said “I don’t think we’re gonna get that lucky though; the kid is kinda sporty. She has a soccer game tomorrow and I know nothing about it, besides that it’s long and boring and full of screaming mothers.”

“And you need a friend to accompany you?”

“It’s not as pathetic as you’re making it sound, but yes. I need a buddy.”

“Where’s it at?” Chloe asked while looking down at her iPad and checking out the weather for tomorrow. “I haven’t met your little sister yet and it might be nice to spend the afternoon outdoors instead of stuck in here doing nothing. Plus, it’s supposed to be beautiful tomorrow.”

“The park that’s a couple blocks from your house.”

“Jeez, Beca, aren’t I just the most convenient friend you could ever have? Meet me at my place and we’ll go out for some breakfast first so she’ll be pumped up for the game.”

“Deal.”

* * *

 

“I just don’t understand why we had to get up so early just for pancakes”, Beca whined while flipping through the menu that was in front of her. “You could’ve just made them for us and I could have lounged on your amazing couch.”

“And you could’ve saved a couple bucks in the process, right?” Beca stuck her tongue out at Chloe and thought about flipping her off, but refrained when she remembered that her very impressionable little sister was wedged into the booth next to her. “You might learn some pretty cool musical stuff from your sister, Addie, but you’ll also learn how to be pretty cheap in the process.”

“My dad always takes us to Waffle House”, Addie softly replied while looking down at her menu and studying it intently with hooded eyes. She looked eerily like Beca in that moment and Chloe couldn’t help but smile to herself. “One time he told my mom that he wouldn’t be caught dead in an IHOP.” Chloe laughed loudly and Beca just shook her head. _Of course_ , her father would say something like that with an eight-year-old around.

“Well, I’m sorry Squirtle, but I don’t like the threat of being murdered with my meal so I don’t eat at Waffle Houses.”

“How about we talk about something a little less…gruesome? So, how do you like school Addie? You’re not old enough to be in my class next year, but Mrs. Ramirez is a great music teacher. Do you sing like your big sister?”

“Not really. Everyone I know thinks that the choir is stupid.” Beca sighed when Chloe’s face fell a little and was about to say something about how cool it was when Addie pointed down at her menu and said “I want this, Bec! They’re pancakes that have a smiley face on them.”

“Ooh, that looks really good”, Chloe eagerly agreed with the girl (in what was **definitely** not a ploy to get the girl to see the beauty of joining the elementary chorus) and said, “I think I’ll get them too. What about you, **Bec**?”

Beca winced at the name, which she had constantly told her family that she _hated_ , and mumbled “Three smiley face pancakes it is then.”

Beca ordered for the group when the waitress came by a few minutes later and then sat there quietly as her sister and Chloe talked about school and whatever random things interested children these days. She didn’t mind that she didn’t have much to add to the conversation because her mind had been somewhere else since she had left work on Friday and that was part of the reason why she had been so eager to invite Chloe out with them. Chloe never pushed her to talk if she wasn’t feeling it, was always good for entertaining a difficult companion, and was just kinda nice to have around.  And if she did feel like opening up, Chloe was the only person she knew that would attempt to understand just what was going on in that head of hers.

“Hey, are you still with us?” Chloe asked while gently nudging Beca’s foot under the table. “You look like you’re in another world. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine”, Beca replied while forcing a smile on her face and ignoring the way that Chloe’s eyebrow quirked at her. _Of course, she sees right through me_. “It’s just been a busy week, ya know?”

Chloe simply nodded and went back to talking to Addie, leaving Beca alone with her thoughts again. She hated to lie to Chloe, but it **had** been a busy week at work and for now, that was enough to satisfy her, even though she knew that Chloe knew that she had a lot more going on than just being exhausted and stressed out.

* * *

 

“You’ve got a little whipped cream on your face”, Chloe murmured into her ear while gently wiping it off of her cheek with the back of her hand. “Are you sure you’re okay? And don’t tell me the truth that you’d want her to hear.”

“I just have a lot on my mind.” Beca paused while she watched her sister run and chat with a couple friends. “I’m sorry I’m shitty company.”

“Hey, you’re fine. And so is she, so come with me and grab a drink. I think I spotted a concession stand over by the swing sets and I’ll buy you a lemonade; my treat.”

Beca let herself be pulled over to the table manned by a pair of moms and managed a small grin as Chloe handed the cup to her. She stirred the drink with the straw that Chloe had popped into the glass and took a hesitant sip before wincing a little at just how sour it was. It was kinda good though and definitely refreshing as the day started to gradually heat up. She wasn’t sure exactly how long these matches lasted, but she was hoping to herself that this would be over before the middle of the afternoon when it would be muggy and sweltering and gross.

“So, how’s your lemonade?” Chloe’s voice broke into her thoughts yet again and Beca just shrugged as Chloe sunk onto the grass and motioned for her to join. “It’s a little lemony for my taste, but not too bad.” She watched as Beca stared out at the field again and softly said “Okay, seriously, what is up? You seem really off today and I’m not going to stop worrying unless you tell me not to.”

“It’s so stupid”, Beca mumbled while feeling her eyes sting with frustrated tears. She had no idea where they were coming from and they were definitely not welcome, but maybe it was just the sign she needed to finally spill her guts. “It’s just my fucking dad. He **never** did this kind of stuff with me when I was her age and yesterday Addie told me how he had really wanted to be the assistant coach and how he helps her practice some afternoons. And I know that I’m kinda too old to be bitter over my daddy issues, but it just kinda hurts. She gets him and I didn’t and I know that I sound like a baby, but it’s not fair.”

“You’re right, it’s not fair”, Chloe agreed while reaching out for Beca’s hand and holding it tightly. “And you can be twenty-four and pissed off about it because you have reason to be. It’ll never be fair for you and I’m sorry.”

“I just had a really awful day at work yesterday and I messed up this mix that I was working on, like **really** messed it up, and the only thing I could do was just trash it and start over.” She looked down at her lap and stirred her drink before she softly added “And all I could think was that my father did that with me. That first take of his life didn’t work out and he started a new one that felt better.”

“Beca…you are never and will never be something that someone just throws away. You’re just sad and you have every right to be, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to be ridiculous.” She squeezed Beca’s hand again and said “This would usually be the part where I tell you how much **I** care about you and give you a hug, but I think you kinda know that already. So, I think you should just forget about him and tell me stories about working with The Black Keys while we watch this stupid game.”

“Do we have to?” Beca pouted while glaring back at the field. “We’ve been here for like an hour and they’ve literally done nothing.”

“We have to. Besides, I know you don’t want to hear this but your sister can pick up on what’s going on with you. And even though you share a father with her, you don’t get to take it out on her. Ya know?”

“Sometimes I wish you weren’t so smart; you’re _such_ a teacher. But fine, let’s go torture ourselves for little Rapinoe down there.”

* * *

 

“Is it always this boring?” Beca asked while holding back a yawn. “Neither team has scored yet and I have a very bad feeling that we’re gonna leave here with a draw.”

“I dunno, this is my first time at one of these things so I don’t know how it works. It’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be though, Debbie Downer.” Beca just groaned and for a little while, they sat quietly until Chloe couldn’t take it anymore. “So, how has work been?”

Beca could hear her lingering on the words as they left her mouth and she had a feeling that Chloe had only brought it up because she had job problems of her own, but the selfish part of her deep down wanted to just focus on her. And sure, it was immature, but she rarely had anyone that actually listened to her and she was just going to run with it.

“I’m just kinda frustrated”, she admitted while exhaling a breath that she didn’t know she had been holding. “I’ve been there for two years now and I’m not really moving forward, or at least not at the pace I’d want to be. And it’s not like I expected to go in there and become the female version of David Guetta after two years, but I’d also like to be trusted to work with artists independently and like **actually** have a real say.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s tough to sit back and watch your coworkers do the kind of things that you want to do. You’ve had _some_ say though, like on the Haim thing, and I also distinctly remember meeting Jessie J at the release party for her album and her remembering your name.”

“That doesn’t get my name in the album credits though. I don’t just want to be someone that occasionally has an okay idea and the other times I’m just observing or helping out with someone else’s job. I want to…”

“Do amazing things?”

“Well, not as cheesy as that, but I do want to do fulfilling things and not feel like I’m just spinning my wheels”, she paused while playing with a loose string on her shirt and collecting her thoughts. “I know I’m really lucky. And I know I have this opportunity that people would kill for. But I keep asking myself if I can wait this out or if I should look for something that’s going to push me. I just…I’m not very patient.”

“Well, I could have told you that-“

“-Hey! You’re supposed to be my confidante, not my bully.”

“I’m just agreeing with you. And I think that you know what you need to do”, she reached out to take Beca’s hand in her own and squeezed it for a moment as they both seemed to exhale at the same time. “Or what you need to start thinking about because important future decisions should take time.”

“It would be a lot easier if you could just tell me what to do. I don’t wanna decide this on my own.”

“I’m sorry B, but I can’t. Only you know what’s going to make you happy.” She moved a piece of hair away from Beca’s face and smiled a little when she didn’t flinch or pull away. They had come so far. “If it’s staying here, then that’s great. You have a cool job and you have this city and you have me. But…you can have all of those things too if you need to find yourself somewhere else.”

“Even you?”

“Hey, I’d be your friend anywhere. I just might not be able to pick you up when you get a flat or fix your cable when it goes out if you live somewhere like California. I’d be less useful, but still your bestie.”

“Well, that certainly makes it less difficult”, Beca whispered sarcastically while looking over at Chloe and shaking her head a little. “So, how’s your career going? Ya know, looking back at that fire before Worlds and how shook up you were, I never expected you to find your fit so quickly after we graduated. It must be really nice.”

“It can be”, Chloe murmured as she looked away and Beca frowned at how strained her voice was. _She’s holding something back from me_. “I don’t have much that’s new right now. I **do** , however, want to hear about what you’ve been working on outside of the studio. How’s your stuff going with Em?”

“Way to change the subject, Beale. But it’s been good. The kid has a hell of a voice and she’s busy all the time since she’s working for the summer, but we Skype sometimes and she’ll send me vocals and I’ll try to make them more amazing than they already are. I’ve also been trying some stuff on my own, with just me and a guitar.” Chloe’s face lit up immediately and Beca chuckled before she said “I know, Beca Mitchell the indie star, it’s very exciting stuff. Don’t get your hopes up though, they’re _very_ rough takes. I think I have a track on my phone though. Wanna listen?”

“You don’t even have to ask. Lemme hear!”

* * *

 

“Do you want to stay and have a drink?” Beca asked as she opened the door to her father’s home and Addie ran in to play upstairs in her room. “You bought back at the game, so let me buy you one here. Papa Mitchell’s got the good stuff.”

“Should you really be drinking on the job?”

“It’s just one, mom”, Beca called behind her as she led the redhead to the kitchen. “Besides, I’ve earned it after the day I’ve had. It’s very difficult being the best big sister in the world.”

“Well, it’s a good thing that your dad waited until you were almost in college to have her then. All the strain would’ve killed you by now.”

“God, I know!” Beca exclaimed as she poured a shot of whiskey into two tumblers and slid one across the bar towards Chloe. “Ya know, speaking of the old man, we had a very important conversation in this very spot back when I was in school.”

“Oh really?” Chloe asked before taking a sip of her drink and wincing. “Ice. I definitely need ice.” Beca grinned while taking a handful out of the freezer and slipping a few cubes into both of their glasses while Chloe just shook her head. “You’re so gross. Now, tell me about this very important, life changing conversation you had with your dad. I’m _very_ interested.”

“I love the sarcasm, but it **was** kinda life changing”, Beca started before sipping from her own glass and nodding her head in satisfaction. “I came to him after semi-finals freshman year. After I kinda…wasn’t very nice to you.”

“You still think about that?” Chloe asked while Beca looked down at the bar, her cheeks flushing a little from what could have been the alcohol but was more from the embarrassment of being found out. “I think I cried approximately sixteen times after that, give or take. But…that was a long time ago and it was probably never as important or dramatic as we made it out to be.”

“I still never apologized. I don’t know what I expected you to say to her or how I wanted things to be. I guess I kinda just wanted you to stand up for me, but also push away Aubrey at the same time, and that was too much of me to ask of you.”

“No it wasn’t and I should’ve. I should have put her in her place like I should’ve done for months before that, but I’ve never been really good at standing up for myself or saying what I need to say.” She laughed to herself before taking another drink and softly said “It’s my fatal flaw. But, no more apologies or explanations. Tell me about that conversation.”

“Well, I just didn’t really know what to do with myself. I was too afraid to come crawling back and apologize, Jesse didn’t want anything to do with me, and I was just very lonely. So, I came to the old man for advice.” She drained the rest of her drink and contemplated filling up her glass again, but decided to hold off a little. She had a feeling that she wanted to have this conversation with Chloe sober. “But anyway, from what I can recall there was angst and near tears and a very confused little asshole. He _actually_ steered me in the right direction, which surprised the fuck out of me. It still kinda does.”

“And which direction was that?”

“Back to you.” A tiny smile flashed across Chloe’s face and as her cheeks flushed a little, Beca softly added “Back to the Bellas.”

* * *

 

They sat there in silence for a minute, with the weight of Beca’s words filling the air and weighing down on both of them, and simply just stared at each other. Beca was too embarrassed to know what to say and Chloe looked like she wanted desperately to let the words slip out of her mouth, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. It wasn’t the first time that one of them had said something so hopelessly sappy and bordering on romantic, but this time just felt different when they had both been so open with their emotions that day. And Beca kinda didn’t want it to end.

“Do you want another drink?” Beca finally asked and frowned when Chloe simply shook her head and looked down at her drink, her cheeks the brightest Beca had ever seen them as her gaze shifted away. “Well, don’t mind if I do then.”

“I guess I’m Addie-sitting tonight”, Chloe murmured a few moments later while Beca snorted into her drink. “Ya know, Mitchell, you don’t have to mask your feelings or whatever with alcohol. We can talk like adults about things. It might be nice for us to actually try that for a change.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Beale”, Beca smirked while narrowing her eyes at Chloe. “Besides, I’ve gotten kinda used to being in between the lines with you. It’s just that if you get me drunk enough, I might throw some dirty little secrets in there too.”

“And if you tell enough of them, I might end up in between your sheets.”

Beca coughed up her mouthful of whiskey in surprise and just shook her head at Chloe, who was smirking back at her with laughter and something else dancing in her eyes. Beca wasn’t sure what it was, but she kinda never wanted to look at anything else ever again.

“Or **that**.”

* * *

 

Chloe finished her shot a few silent moments later and filled her glass up again before she said “Do you want to talk about it?”

Beca hesitated for a moment, not knowing if she was quite ready to take that next step. It would be kinda nice to actually finally talk about this thing that was going on between them, that **had** been going on for so long that it had become a strange sort of tradition. And while the radical left turn into actually acknowledging it had been very new tonight, she knew that something was going on with Chloe and that maybe that was more important than finally admitting what she had been fighting for a very long time.

“Not until you tell me what’s going on with you. You look like something is up and I think you should tell me before we talk about something else and just forget about it.”

“Do I have to?” Chloe mumbled with tears lingering in her voice as she looked down at her hands. “I don’t really wanna say it now.”

“Hey…”, Beca trailed off when Chloe looked back up at her with impossibly teary eyes. “Chlo…I’m sorry. I-I was just joking, about the winding up in my bed thing-“

“-It’s not that and I know you weren’t because I **definitely** wasn’t”, Chloe quickly cut her off and tried not to smile when Beca raised her eyebrows at her choice of words. “It’s um…I’m moving.”

“I don’t”, Beca started before stopping herself, finding that her mouth was suddenly too dry to keep going. She drained the rest of her drink, forgetting about her earlier promise to have this conversation slightly sober, and softly added “I don’t understand what that means. Are you moving to the city or to a different school district? I love your house so maybe I could take over your lease on it.”

“No, it’s not like that”, Chloe whispered while reaching across the table and seeking out Beca’s hands. When the girl kept them in her lap and wouldn’t give her one, Chloe felt her heart sink into her chest. “Do you remember Mrs. Johansson, that woman who wouldn’t quit talking on opening night last year?” Once Beca nodded, Chloe softly said “Her husband was over here on business for a few months and her son really liked being in the choir, so she helped out a lot. When they moved back to Sweden after Christmas, we kept in contact with e-mails and stuff and we had talked about the possibility of me teaching abroad.”

“In Sweden?” Beca mumbled while fighting herself to not look up at Chloe.

“No, not exactly. Marit knew people that knew people and surprisingly, I knew someone too. And I had kept in contact with her after we graduated, so I reached out to Flo about it and she helped me set up some of the logistical stuff.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m going to take a year off and teach English in Guatemala. I didn’t say anything, but I’ve been working on the certifications and stuff that I would need and my school is super supportive of it because I guess it looks good to have multi-cultural teachers or whatever.”

“When?” Beca whispered before taking a long, burning drink from her glass.

“In the fall.”

“Chloe…it’s June”, Beca looked back up at her and finally met her eyes again. “You’ve only just finished your second year of teaching. Why would you do this?”

“It’s an opportunity that I can’t pass up. And it’s something that I’ve always wanted to do; to travel and give back and stuff like that.” She looked down at her hands and softly added “It’s only for a year. Well, ten months if we’re getting to the specifics of it.”

“Ten months is a very long time”, Beca murmured while fighting back her own tears. She didn’t **want** to be crying now, but her body had its own plans and was betraying her. “It’s…anything can happen in ten months. I-“

“-I’ll miss you too, Beca”, Chloe cut her off and said the words that she knew Beca would struggle to actually say. “So fucking much.”

“Hey now, you can’t let those kids hear you swear.” Beca laughed a little and Chloe frowned when she heard the tears she was fighting back in her wavering voice. “They’ll be trying to recruit you into a gang or something and we can't have that. You’re not that kinda girl.”

“We can’t or…you can’t?”

“Both.”

* * *

 

Chloe reached out for Beca’s hand again and this time, she willingly gave it to her. She held it for a few moments until Beca couldn’t take it anymore and pulled away. Chloe finally let the tears that had been welling up in her eyes fall as Beca stumbled over to the sink with her glass in her hand and dumped the watery remains of her ice cubes out.

“It fucking figures, ya know?” Beca asked herself while squeezing her eyes shut, finally acknowledging that she was crying and she needed it to stop. “It’s like…I care for someone and then they go away. Jesse went to Los Angeles and then we broke up and I barely even hear from him now. And you, you’re leaving too. You’re going off to Guatemala and you’ll probably end up being _fast friends_ with Flo or someone else.”

“Hey you, she’s engaged so you don’t have to worry about that. And I only reserve that line for you.” She got up from her stool and stood behind Beca, placing a hand on her shoulder and fighting back a sob as she tensed momentarily before sinking into it. “It’s only for you.”

“I can’t make you stay, can I?” Beca asked as she turned around slowly and faced Chloe.

“No buddy, I don’t think you can”, Chloe whispered while wiping away a tear that had spilled onto Beca’s cheek with the back of a hand. “Would you really ask me to give up on this?”

“No, you know I could never do that. I just wish that it was a lot closer. I kinda like having you around.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Beca couldn’t take it anymore and turned away again, fighting back her tears as Chloe poured her almost full glass out into the sink. She bit her lip when Chloe placed a hand on the small of her back and fought herself from turning around and kissing her. She had wanted this so badly for over a year now and now that it was here and in her grasp, she couldn’t do it. As hard as her heart was beating and her lips were aching to meet Chloe’s, now wasn’t the right time. Not like this. Not while knowing that Chloe would just be going away.

“Do you wanna talk about it still?” Chloe asked, even though she knew that answer. “We could, ya know?”

Beca bit her bottom lip and softly said “Does it really matter now?”

“It matters”, Chloe replied before finally allowing herself to finally break down. Beca didn’t know what to do to comfort her as she leaned against the counter and cried into her hands and settled on rubbing her shoulder tenderly as Chloe tried to calm herself down. Chloe pulled her hands away from her eyes after she took a few long breaths and wiped away the mascara that had crept down her cheeks and probably made her look like a nightmare. She couldn’t help herself when she placed one of her hands over the one that Beca still had resting on her shoulder and whispered “It matters to me.”

“I’m sorry”, Beca mumbled before slowly pulling her hand off of Chloe and busying herself with cleaning up the kitchen. “I can’t.”

“No, I um, I understand.” Chloe tried to smile while putting the stopper in the bottle of whiskey and handing it to Beca. “I should probably head home. I’ve gotta get a head start on all of that packing.”

“Do you want me to walk you out?”

“I know the way”, Chloe replied while turning and walking towards the door. Beca desperately wanted to follow after her and say what she was aching to say. She wanted to stop her in her tracks and kiss her. She wanted to make her stay. But she couldn’t and as Chloe whispered her goodbye to her, Beca knew that she wouldn’t be seeing that girl for a very long time.

And that she had blown it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of the support thus far. The likes and thoughtful reviews really mean a lot. 
> 
> I'm moving into my first house this weekend and I thought why not make one of them move. Maybe I'll get a new significant other by the time the next chapter is up and let that influence me too ;)


	4. Passenger Seat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Beca pings, decides that maybe she needs friends that don't stalk her, and gets her girl back from Guatemala.

* * *

The trip over to La Casa de las Bellas was supposed to be an exercise in concentration. _Supposed_ being the operative word because she had managed to get absolutely nothing done since arriving at the house and sneaking off to the empty dining room to work. And sure, she had her own place that she should have been adult enough to make into a functioning work space, but there was something kinda nice and familiar about coming back here.

She just hadn’t planned on making it such a routine thing.

This was her third trip over in a week and if she admitted it to herself, perhaps she was going a _little_ stir-crazy. But she wouldn’t because that was just pathetic. She had friends and a job and that should have been enough. It **had** been enough for the past nine months. But it was getting old and she just couldn’t stop herself from dialing the very cause of her frustration and grinning when she picked up the phone a few rings later.

“Emily texted me and told me that you’ve holed yourself up in her dining room again. The kid totally doesn’t mind it, but the newbies think that you’re kinda creepy and don’t know why you keep coming over and taking over their home.” Chloe laughed when Beca groaned into the phone and said “Those kids need to be taught about the origins of the Bellas’ sound, then they’ll respect and adore you.”

“I don’t want them to adore me, I just want to be left alone. And I like coming over here because my place is just way too distracting. I can’t get any work done when there’s food just asking to be eaten and music dying to be played on your fancy record player. And don’t get me started on TV. How can I be expected to work from home when Food Network has the best shows on all the time? I should’ve been a chef.”

“It sounds like you’ve really made yourself comfortable. I can’t wait to see what you’ve done with **my** place.”

“Excuse you?” Beca asked while closing her laptop and propping her legs up on the kitchen chair that was next to her. There was just no way that she could adult now that Chloe was on the line. “Don’t you mean _our_ place, Beale? We’re kinda like roommates now, even though you don’t really pay rent.”

“I resent that, Beca Mitchell”, Chloe gasped while flopping onto her own bed and staring up at the cracked ceiling. Sometimes it didn’t feel any different from home, but the slight crackle over the line let her know just how far away she actually was. “Your place was in an awful location and was pretty slummy, so I basically rescued you from yourself by leaving. Consider me letting you pay the entire rent as a finder’s fee. And besides, my pretty face will be home soon enough and then we’ll **actually** be roommates. Enjoy these little moments while they last because we’ll probably eventually hate each other.”

“You were roommates with Aubrey and you guys are best friends.”

“You’re not Aubrey”, Chloe replied with a chuckle and Beca couldn’t stop herself from snorting as she tried to hold back her own laughter. “In more ways than just the obvious.”

“Well, thank God for that. And I highly doubt that we’ll end up hating each other. You’re pretty much the most un-hateable person on Earth. You’re like a puppy.”

“Speaking of puppies, we should think about getting one. We could give it a cute name and everything!”

“You’re still in Guatemala, so definitely not.” Beca grinned while allowing herself to briefly imagine picking out a dog at the shelter with Chloe and okay, maybe it was _slightly_ adorable. But it didn’t mean Chloe needed to know that either.

“But soon…”, Chloe trailed off while closing her eyes and releasing a soft sigh. She had loved her whole adventure in teaching and everything that she had experienced down here, but she was also counting down the days until she would be back home. Sometimes it felt like she was competing with herself and so she tried to just forget about both sides and get through her days. And conversations like these were definitely not helping. “Soon I’ll be back in the USA. I should probably plan my victory tour.”

“Not soon enough though.”

“It’s only six more days so I think you’ll live. In the meantime though you should definitely think about the whole dog thing. Just imagine the two of us taking her for a walk and taking a picture with her for our Christmas card and going to the dog park…” She trailed off as a yawn took over her words and she blinked heavily as her eyes momentarily blurred and sleep felt like the most desirable thing in the world outside of staying on this line. “You’d be cute with a puppy. I probably would be too. Just consider it, ya know?”

“Yeah, I know. And you should consider getting some rest. That last yawn was so loud that I’m pretty sure the entire house heard it.” Beca smiled a little when she heard Chloe sleepily chuckle in the background and she could imagine her fighting off sleep while holding the phone to her face. Six days seemed like an eternity. “I’ll text you in the morning.”

“Good night, buddy. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.”

“Night.”

Beca waited a moment for Chloe to hang up first, hating the idea of her falling asleep and leaving her phone on all night, and smiled a little when she could still hear her breathing on the other end. She wanted Chloe to be well rested for her extremely hectic day tomorrow with her “kids”, but she also just liked having her there even if it was only to listen to her breathe. She could count the number of times that they had just sat in comfortable silences on two hands and it never felt strange to her. She couldn’t imagine herself doing that with any other person, but she had never had a best friend like this before and maybe it was normal.

She hoped that it wasn’t.

“Chlo…?”

“I just miss you”, Chloe whispered while tugging her blankets up to her neck and resting her phone under her chin. “A lot.”

“Just six more sleeps and then you’ll be home. My mom used to say that to me when I was a little kid”, Beca admitted while staring down at the ring that decorated her right hand. She didn’t wear much jewelry anymore, but she always kept her mom’s wedding band on her hand to remind her of the woman that she absolutely adored. “I guess she said that because time goes by quicker when you’re asleep. It always comforted me when I was younger.”

“I like your mom.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“I guess I should go to sleep. My house family goes to bed pretty early and I don’t want to upset them when I only have a few days left.” She reached for the phone charger that was tucked between her mattress and the wall and softly said “Buenas Noches, mi pequeño ratón.”

“Oh my God, you’re ridiculous. And I feel like I should be insulted by that so I’m saying good night.” She listened to Chloe laugh into the phone and couldn’t stop herself from keeping the conversation going for just a few moments longer. She wasn’t quite ready to stop hearing that voice yet. “And Chlo?”

“Hmm?”

“I miss you too.”

* * *

 

She hung up the phone before she could say any other stupid things and sighed while slipping it back into the pocket of her jeans. She looked down at her closed laptop and the notepad with crossed out ideas scrawled across the page and swore under her breath. She had been here for three hours and had accomplished absolutely nothing. She unplugged her Mac and was about to place it into her bag when she heard a soft cough come from the doorway and turned to see a smirking Emily Junk leaning against the doorjamb.

 “It’s not nice to creep, Legacy.”

“Technically it’s not creeping when you’re kinda trespassing.” Beca quirked an eyebrow at her and Emily couldn’t stop herself from laughing as she took three confident steps forward and sat on the edge of the table next to Beca’s bag. “Ya know, I see you more now than I did when you actually lived here. You’re lonely, aren’t you?” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Mm-hmm, sure you don’t”, Emily replied while taking a grape from the plate that Beca had made for herself and popping it into her mouth. “I’m glad to see you made yourself at home. And speaking of home, how is Chloe doing? I can’t wait to see her.”

“She’s talking about getting a dog”, Beca started while taking her plate back from Emily and shooting her daggers. “Maybe we can convince Flo to keep her down there a little longer until she outgrows the idea.”

“Uh huh. And soon you’d be taking up residence on our couch.” Emily smiled when Beca seemed pleased with her sarcasm and just shook her head at the girl. It had only taken a few years, but she had finally come out of her shell and Beca was a huge part of that, droll humor and all. “I bet you can’t wait until your girlfriend is back. Maybe **I** should talk to Flo about keeping Chloe down there because I won’t see you once you guys are glued to each other’s lips again.”

“Girlfriend? You have me confused with some other sexually confused ex-a ca person.  Perhaps Stacie has found her Callie to brighten her days up at the hospital.”

“And now Beca Mitchell is referencing TV shows in an effort to change the subject. I see you’ve replaced Chloe with Netflix. Jesse would be pleased.”

Beca frowned at the mention of her ex-boyfriend and occasional text buddy and rolled her eyes as she tapped her fingers against the table beneath her. Her mind was screaming for her to shut her mouth and just take her bag and go home, but something stronger (probably her heart, but she would never admit to something that sappy) was telling her to just sit there and spill her guts. The kid had her figured out and she was _probably_ better than a very late night spent on her couch with Netflix, cheap beer, and her old friend Leslie Knope.

“Okay, so I’ve been a little lonely.” It was Emily’s turn to quirk her eyebrow and Beca put her head in her hands while exhaling deeply and trying to get her shit together. There was probably no going back from this and however embarrassing it might have been, there was really no stopping it now. “Maybe I’ve been _a lot_ lonely. But that doesn’t mean anything. She’s my best friend and that’s a big piece of your life to just put on a shelf for a year, ya know?”

“Yeah, I definitely get it. It’s kinda like Benji and me-“

“-We’re **definitely** not like Benji and you”, Beca cut her off quickly and felt a tiny bit smug at how fast the girl clammed up. “You guys are in a long distance relationship and I’ve never even kissed her.”

“But you want to.”

“Yeah but-“

_Oh shit._

“Oh. My. God!” Emily practically screamed while reaching out to give Beca a hug and nearly falling over when she veered away from her. “I have to tell Stacie!”

“Not a word.”

“And Cynthia Rose”, Emily added while pulling out her phone.

“I don’t care if you’re a legacy and everyone loves you - I will end you.”

“And Fat Amy too.” Emily started to type out a message but was quickly stopped when Beca took her phone away from her and put it safely in her back pocket, which was definitely off limits. “Come on Beca, she owes me ten bucks now.”

“First of all, I can’t believe that you guys were betting on something so stupid”, Beca began while glancing down at the phone and quickly deleting the jumbled mishmash of characters that Emily had hurriedly entered into her messaging app. “Secondly, we don’t keyboard smash over our friends, that’s just weird. And third of all, you never ever make bets with Amy because you won’t see that money.”

She handed the phone back to Emily and smiled a little when she simply nodded her head, composed herself, and slid it back into her pocket. Despite being easily excitable she was a good kid and if Beca had to have any of the Bellas find out, Emily was a pretty safe option. Still though, she couldn’t let her cracks show and take it easy on her. Desperate times called for desperate measures and it was time to get serious to prevent an aca-nightmare from potentially developing.

“Em, please don’t tell anyone”, Beca softly spoke while turning in her best impression of a wounded animal and keeping her eyes downcast. “I don’t beg, but I will if it’ll keep this just between us.”

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Beca. People experiment all the time.” Beca frowned at Emily’s awkward attempt to soothe her and was entirely unconvinced that the girl had ever experimented in college, outside of maybe taking part in some weird kinky magic shit with Benji and that was just too much to think about without gagging. “And besides, it’s not like we all didn’t see this coming.”

“What?!”

“Well, I’ve gotta go”, Emily began while edging quickly towards the door and avoiding Beca’s confused gaze. “But I won’t tell a soul, Beca. I promise!”

* * *

 

“So, you’ve gone full on lezzie with the ginger? Well, I can’t say that I never saw it coming, but I’m honestly kinda surprised that you never tried to fondle me in all of our years as roommates. I’d probably be too much woman for you to handle - you have to work your way up to all of this.” Fat Amy pointed theatrically at her breasts and Beca couldn’t stop her face from turning bright red as the girl made no attempts to keep her voice down. “What’s wrong with you? You look like you’re going to be sick.”

“I just can’t believe that she told you. Does everyone know?”

“Well…Emily told Stacie and Stacie told Cynthia Rose and then she told me and then I made that Instagram post-“

“-Dude! What the fuck?! What Instagram post?” Beca asked while opening up the app on her phone and avoiding the stacks of furniture that surrounded her as they continued to briskly walk up and down the aisles of Ikea. “Oh my God. I’m pretty sure I’m going to need to get a restraining order or a PFA against you. This is just sick. And **everyone** saw it.”

“Everyone _liked_ it Becs, which is the most important thing! I think you’re making a much bigger deal about this than is necessary.”

“I think I should be concerned that you have pictures of Chloe and me in bed together. And it’s like from three years ago! Do you have a collection of them or something?” Amy simply shrugged and skipped away while Beca read through the comments below the picture and died a little inside. All of the Bellas had made cheesy remarks on it and it was just too much. This was **not** how she wanted them to be found out. And really, there was nothing to reveal. They were just friends and oh God, what if Chloe saw this too?

Beca Mitchell was gonna have to choke a bitch.

* * *

 

“But honestly, how many pictures of us in compromising situations do you have? I need to know so I can prepare myself for when they appear on the internet.”

“Only a couple of them and you should really blame this on Chloe. I got most of them when she went through that boozehound faze during our senior year. The girl really threw herself at you and you seemed to enjoy it too.” Amy looked down at the shopping list that they had put together while walking through the showroom upstairs and said “Where the hell is aisle 18? I’ve been on walkabouts that were more organized than this store is.”

“It’s two down from here and quit changing the subject. I can’t believe that you just took pictures of me while I was sleeping or eating or drunk off my ass. I don’t have any pictures of you or Bumper on my phone and I’m honestly pretty okay with that.”

“Well, that’s a pity for you because we’re a pleasure to look at. And hey, I did it for your own good. I knew this day would come and now I’m $10 poorer because of it, but that’s what happens when you live your life on the edge.” They had stopped in front of the bed that Beca had picked out upstairs and Amy looked at the boxes while frowning a little. “Are you sure this thing is gonna stay in one piece when you two are going at it like dingoes? I’m pretty sure the display model was put together with particle board and dreams. You need a proper bed.”

“I need a cheap bed and this works. Besides, I’m just giving off the illusion that I’ve actually been sleeping in my own furnished room instead of just crashing in her bed so it doesn’t have to be beautiful, just believable. Now, where is that fiancé of yours? We need someone to pick this thing up and since we had to drag him along he can maybe be semi-useful.”

“Hey, I am a _very_ famous radio celebrity and I need to constantly have protection from my adoring fans. And he’s on his way, he just texted me. Apparently, he got distracted in the kid’s section and then he got lost.”

Beca just smiled at her friend and sat down on the stack of boxes while Amy flipped through her phone and looked immensely pleased with herself. It was hard to stay angry with her, especially since she had been more than happy to accompany her on the three hour long shopping trip, and she would just have to chalk it up to Fat Amy simply being Fat Amy. And yeah, it was maybe a tiny bit flattering that her friends were so supportive of the idea of her maybe dating Chloe and had made bets on when the whole thing would finally blow up, but it was way too early to put her eggs in one gigantic, gay basket. For all she knew, Chloe could have slept with every cute boy and girl down in Guatemala and it wasn’t like she could even be angry about it because **she** had been the one that didn’t kiss her when she had the opportunity.

She just hoped that she didn’t.

“Ladies, look at all this cool shit that I found!” Bumper announced while showing the pair his armful of cute and kitschy stuffed animals that he had found up in the children’s section of the store. “I think that Little Bumper would love this stuff. Or maybe Big Bumper because this is sick!”

“I still can’t believe that you two are having a kid. It makes me feel old.”

“ _I_ can’t believe that we’re having a boy”, Amy replied while taking a stuffed fox from Bumper’s arms and smiling at it. “I would have thought that my amazing female genes would have battled his male ones to the death, but I guess you can’t predict these things.”

“I’m pretty sure that it doesn’t work that way and maybe it’s for the best that you’re having a boy because I don’t think the world could handle a miniature version of you. Now, can we get this shit packed up and out of here? Chloe is gonna be home in three days and I’m pretty sure that it might take that long just to get this stuff built.”

Bumper frowned down at the boxes and said “I don’t know, Beca, all of this stuff is pretty heavy. I might need an incentive to load this stuff in the trunk for you…”

“I’ll buy you all of those toys if you load it **and** help me build it.”

“Deal! I never thought I would say this about a Barden Bella, but you’re the best.” He easily picked up the bigger of the two boxes that contained the headboard for her bed and placed it on her cart while winking at Amy, who just shook her head. “Besides, it gives me a chance to show off for my lovely lady. And if you weren’t all about that gay life, I could show off for you too. Maybe have a three way with my baby mama and my baby’s god mama.”

“On second thought, maybe I’ll just have them build it for me…”

* * *

 

“Why does it smell like a Home Depot in here?”

“Well, we literally just got my bed built this morning and once I got those two fed and out of my hair, I painted the office. The next time I need something done, remind me to **not** ask Amy or Bumper for help doing it. I’m pretty sure that no bed takes two days to build.”

“I could have told you that asking them for help was a mistake, but what do I know? _I’m_ not the godmother.” Stacie sighed as she flopped onto the arm chair in the living room and stared up at Beca’s flushed face. “No offense, but you look like you could use a nap. Or a beer. Which would actually be pretty great if you had one.”

“I can’t drink because someone has to pick Chloe up from the airport. But, believe me, if she was coming home tomorrow my ass would be getting wasted with you tonight.” She opened up the refrigerator and fished a beer out of the crisper before tossing it over to Stacie. “Since when do you day drink?”

“Since I have the next thirty-six hours off and I fully plan to get my relax on. Try to keep the oral gymnastics between Chloe and you at a minimum though because you two are totally coming out to the club with me tomorrow night and I need you able to dance. Or really just able to walk because she does seem like her mouth could kill ya.”

“That didn’t take long.”

“Yep, I guess it didn’t. Oh, don’t give me that look! You’ve been pinging for years.”

“What are you even talking about?” Beca asked while opening up a bottle of water and gazing longingly at Stacie’s stout. She had always found that conversations with the girl usually went better when she was a little buzzed and thanks to Chloe’s evening flight that was not happening. “I don’t ping…whatever that means.”

“You are honestly so lucky to have me as a friend because you know nothing. Pinging is…”, Stacie trailed off while trying to come up with the best euphemism to explain it to the girl. She took a sip from her beer and sighed in satisfaction before she said “Okay, pinging is a warning sign that goes off in your head when you see someone that is uber gay. Like, sometimes I look at you and I just hear this tiny little _ping_ in my head and die a little because you’re in denial of it.”

“ _I’m_ not in denial of anything! And that’s just like gaydar.”

“Exactly! See, you’re not completely new. But, yeah, you ping pretty much constantly.”

“I don’t know what…“, she trailed off as the screen of her phone lit up and she looked down to see a text message pop up from Chloe. She read over it a few times and couldn’t stop a huge grin from appearing on her face and okay, maybe Stacie had a _tiny_ point that meant nothing because Chloe was on her way to the airport.

“You’re doing it right now, Beca.”

Beca quickly sent Chloe a message back and looked up at Stacie who was grinning at her like a kid that had just been given a huge, expensive toy. She couldn’t stop the blush that set her cheeks practically on fire and she looked down at her hands while Stacie just laughed. She shook her head and softly said “You’re ridiculous. And this is really just a new development so don’t get excited.”

“A new development? Puh-lease! Honey, we’ve been calling this for years. It was only a matter of time before you dumped the a ca-nil and hooked up with the a ca-thrill.”

“How long did it take you to come up with that?” Beca sarcastically asked while Stacie just shrugged and didn’t venture a response. “And besides, he broke up with me so your timeline of gayness is completely off.”

“No one that has a closet full of flannel, suspect tattoos and piercings, and trails after the prettiest girl at Barden like a tiny, adorable puppy is completely straight. We were only just waiting for you to move a _tiny_ bit over to the left and into her arms. This is a good thing!” Beca looked away from Stacie as a cold sweat broke out across her brow and Stacie sighed while she took one of Beca’s hands in hers and squeezed it gently. “Beca, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m sorry for giving you a hard time, it’s just that I _kinda_ know you and I know that you’re going to hold back from this because you don’t want to risk your friendship. Us being a little awful to you is our way of…cheerleading you to make that move.”

“You should’ve been a shrink instead of a plastic surgeon. I just won’t wanna screw this up.” She looked down at her hands and started to chip away at the peeling black nail polish that decorated one of her thumbs. “Some people can date someone and still be friends when it inevitably ends but maybe we wouldn’t be like that. She’s the closest friend I’ve ever had and I don’t want to lose that.”

“You’re already jumping ahead to breaking up with her and you haven’t even kissed her yet! You can’t set yourself up for a loss this early, especially when it’s something you really want.”

“How do you know we haven’t-“

“-Don’t tell Emily anything, the kid has a huge mouth. And that’s really the whole point of this – you haven’t given yourself a chance to really fall for her yet and to let her fall for you the same way. I think that maybe you kinda deserve to give yourself that opportunity.” She smiled warmly at Beca and softly added “And it’s not like she’s not totally enamored by you so there’s really no risk. Now, gimme another one of these because they’re amazing!”

“I don’t even know if I like her like that”, Beca mumbled while rising from her chair and heading for the kitchen to fetch Stacie her beer. Her voice was uneasy when she said it though and she flinched a little as even she didn’t believe her own lie.

“Ya know, sometimes I don’t get home from work until like two or three in the morning and I see you online. I’ll just be checking my e-mail and your little dot will be green next to your name. And I know you’re not working because you stay super late like every night so I sit there and wonder why you’re awake. And it kinda hit me one night that you didn’t start doing this until Chloe went away.”

“I need to get friends that don’t stalk me.”

“That’s not the point, Beca”, Stacie replied while opening up her fresh bottle of beer and running her fingers over the cold label. “The point is that those thoughts that keep you up that late are the important ones. What are you thinking about?”

“Food. Maybe getting a little weed.” Stacie growled at her ambivalence and Beca shook her head before she softly added “And Chloe. Mostly Chloe. Pretty much all the time…it’s Chloe.”

“And you’re pinging again!”

“I hate you so fucking much.”

“No, you don’t.” Beca flipped her off from across the room and Stacie drained her beer before placing it on the counter with a loud thunk and rising from her seat. “Anyways, I should head out so you can groom and clean and do whatever it is that you need to do to get ready for her big arrival. I have something for you out in my car if you want to walk me out though.”

* * *

 

“What in the actual fuck is wrong with you?” Beca asked while looking down at the huge banner that Stacie unfurled on the front lawn with a flourish. “‘Welcome home, _sexy’_. You could have made a really nice gesture for her and instead you ruined it.”

“She **is** sexy though so it’s not like I’m lying.”

“If I hang this above the door she’s going to think I made it and that I’ve been waiting ten months to jump her bones!”

“And you haven’t…?”

“Dude, please just leave before I kill you. I need better friends.” Stacie winked at her and gave her a quick hug before getting into the driver’s side of her car and grinning at her through the open window as she idled. “Please drive safely and I’ll see you at the club thing or whatever tomorrow.”

“See ya later, Bec. And please, **definitely** do something that I would do!”

“Jesus Christ.”

* * *

 

“As I live and breathe, is that Chloe Beale? Did you get taller?”

“Nope, only more beautiful. And slightly sunburnt.” Chloe smiled at Beca as they faced each other in front of baggage claim and neither of them wanted to make the first move. Beca was running her sweaty hands on her jeans and Chloe was tapping her foot against the ground and they were both just taking each other in. It had been **so** long. “Get over here and give me a hug.”

It had been like no time had passed between them.

“God, I fucking missed you so much”, Beca whispered into the crook of Chloe’s shoulder as the taller girl hugged her tightly into her chest. “And you smell amazing, which is clearly the only reason I’m hugging you in front of the eighty million people that are in this airport right now. Who knew that this was such a popular nighttime destination?”

“I missed you too, Beca.” Chloe sighed into her hair, knowing the girl’s tactics for avoiding emotional or personal moments, and held her tightly for a few more moments until she had at least _partly_ filled her hug quota for the evening. “Now, take me home darling!”

* * *

 

“Okay, so I came up with a list of puppy names on the flight and I think you should let me go over a few of them on the drive home instead of listening to the radio.”

“You can’t be serious. I told you that we weren’t getting-“

“-Yeah, but I know you’re not _really_ serious about that! Now, what do you think about Molasses?”

“A dog named Molasses?” Beca asked while putting Chloe’s final suitcase into the back of the old Geo and trying not to burst into laughter. She had forgotten how nice it was to have Chloe and her perfect kind of insanity back in person. “I’m calling Flo and asking her what she did to you down in Guatemala. Clearly you’re on drugs and I can’t have that in my Christian household.”

“What about Muffins?”

“Get in the car, Beale.”

* * *

 

“Okay, I think you’re really gonna like this one”, Chloe began while shooting Beca a smile from across the front seat of the car. Beca couldn’t believe it when she actually pulled out a long list of names written on the back of her puke bag, but she was **serious** about adding a new roommate to their family. “Bilbo Beale! We could get a little Cocker Spaniel with long floppy ears and dress him up for Halloween and it would be perfect. I’m gonna put a star next to that one because you smiled a little.”

“I smiled because you’re acting like a little kid. You literally have not stopped talking since I pulled away from the airport and it feels a little like I picked you up from camp.” Chloe sighed and put the list back in her pocket while rolling down her window and letting the cool night air into the car. “You didn’t have to put it away, but thank you. Awe, please don’t pout.”

“No it’s fine, I’ll be quiet. Maybe I’ll go back to Guatemala where I was appreciated for my humor and lists…”

“Don’t you dare! I don’t think my heart could take that again.”

“Your heart?” Chloe asked while smiling coyly at her. Beca blushed a little as she gripped the steering wheel a little harder and wished that she could take her words back if only to wipe the smug look off of Chloe’s face. “Well, if your heart’s a factor in this then I’m staying put. I guess you win, happy now?”

“Oh, I’m ecstatic. Who else would I have to tease me endlessly?”

“You love it.”

“Maybe. Maybe I also just kinda like having you here.” Chloe flashed Beca a genuine smile before looking back out of her window and just taking in the sights around them. It was so much different than what she had grown accustomed to over the past year and it was a nice change. She had loved most of her time abroad, but there was just something soothing about tall trees, cold air on her face, and the hum of wheels on a highway.  “And um…I’m glad you’re back.”

“Me too.”

* * *

 

“Do you care if I play some music? I was up late last night working on some stuff around the house and I’m about ready to fall asleep over here.”

“Do you want me to drive?” Chloe asked before yawning and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “Better yet, maybe we should just pull over for a little while. It’s no use coming back home just to have something terrible happen.”

“Oh, we’re not that far from home and it looks like traffic ahead so that’ll keep me up. I just wanna be more alert.” She squeezed Chloe’s worried hand that she had reached across the car and softly said “I’ll get us home. And besides, I may have made you a mixtape the other night and this is my subtle way of getting to play it for you.”

“You made _me_ a mixtape? Well, I must be pretty special then.” Beca hadn’t made her a mixtape since they had graduated and she had missed them dearly. It had been one of her favorite things about their friendship and getting to know the girl through her favorite songs. “Yes, definitely play it.”

“Look in the glove compartment.”

Chloe opened the glove compartment up in front of her and squealed in excitement as a CD in a sleeve with a big red bow on top fell out into her hands. She tore the bow off carefully before flipping it over and reading the track listing that was scrawled in Beca’s neat handwriting. She knew that Beca hated the kind of music that she put on it, but she loved every song and artist on it and it made her feel pretty special that she had gone through the effort of making this for her.

“ _An Emo Night Drive_. Wow, Beca, what an inspiring title!”

“Hey, don’t hate on your own music taste. And in case you haven’t noticed, they’re all songs about riding in a car to like welcome you home or whatever. You wouldn’t believe how long it took me to figure out your Spotify password and then sort through that mess, but I guess that’s the small price of making you something you’d really like.” She studied Chloe for a minute as she read over the tracklist and softly asked “Do you like it?”

“It’s amazing. No one has ever made me something like this before.” Her eyes swam with unexpected tears and she blinked them away quickly before removing the disc from the envelope and sliding it into the slot above the radio. And as the acoustic guitar of the first song, Josh McBride, filled the car the tears came springing back into to her eyes. _Of course_ , Beca would choose this song. This was her favorite. “Damn you, Beca Mitchell. You’re gonna make me cry, or swoon, whichever comes first.”

“Well, hopefully, it’s the latter or my work was all for nothing.”

“Keep this up and you’re gonna have to peel me out of this car.”

* * *

 

“Wake up sleepyhead, we’re home.”

Chloe slowly opened her eyes as Beca turned the car off and looked around with sleep filled eyes for a few moments while she got her bearings. It had been so long since she had been home that she misjudged just how long the trip took with the constant traffic around the city and couldn’t stop herself from falling asleep halfway through their drive.

“When did I fall asleep?”

“Halfway through Incubus. You said something about that song reminding you of middle school and then you were out like a light. You ready to head in?” Chloe groaned a little as she stretched and tried to make her legs wake up from their awkward position crammed into the front of the tiny car. She had forgotten how much she hated the junky old Metro. “You better wake them up because while I like you, I don’t carry people that are bigger than me.”

“I’ll just sleep out here then. Bring me a blanket and a pillow and maybe breakfast in the morning.” Beca just shook her head as she unbuckled her seat belt and Chloe relented and took hers off too. As badly as her legs were tingling and how long the walk up to their little carriage home seemed, it was a much better option than sleeping out here. “Okay, okay, I’m coming.”

While Beca started to unload her suitcases from the back of the car, Chloe stretched and took a few wobbly steps away from the cars and towards their house. As the motion lights lit up the front porch she saw the huge banner that had been strung over the door and couldn’t stop herself from laughing as she read the big purple letters. Beca knew exactly what she had seen and growled a little as she flung the trunk closed and lifted the heavy bags up. She knew that Chloe would miss Flo, but it almost felt like she had packed the girl up in her duffle bag too.

“I just want you to know that **I** did not write that. And also that we have weirdos for friends and if you want to make a completely new friend group with me that would be really cool.”

Chloe laughed while searching for her key in her purse, shaking her head as Beca offered her own because she kinda wanted to do it herself for the first time in an eternity, and sleepily said “You don’t think I’m sexy, Beca?”

“I didn’t…”. She was blushing now which was just fucking fantastic. “I mean, you are really…can we just go inside?”

“Sure thing”, Chloe replied, willing to take it easy on Beca to stop her from imploding all over their front lawn. “And by the way, I knew Stacie made me it – she sent me a snap before I got on the plane. You’re too easy!”

“In more ways than one…”, Beca mumbled as Chloe eased her way through the front door with a bag in her hands and fumbled for the light just inside of the door.

“What was that?” Chloe asked as Beca followed behind her and dropped all of the bags on the floor as her arms finally gave out. “God, it smells like a paint factory in here. Did you avoid doing all of your house work until this morning? That’s not very responsible of you.”

“I’m _so_ glad you’re home.”

* * *

 

“So…” Chloe trailed off while leaning against her closed bedroom door and staring into Beca’s shifting eyes. They had unpacked her bags and taken a look at the tiny studio that Beca had set up and now they were here, awkwardly staring at each other as neither girl wanted to make the first move and head off to bed. And if Chloe was being completely honest with herself, she kinda just wanted to be with Beca for a little while longer. It had been way too long. “Got any plans?”

“No, none in particular. I mean, as a human I’d love to get like eight hours of uninterrupted sleep so I can function, but I’m also pretty okay with this.” Chloe chuckled a little as Beca rambled and Beca just sighed before she softly said “Stop smiling Beale. I’d ask you to come lie down with me in my bed so we could gossip or whatever shit that girls do, but I built it with Bumper and I think we’d end up on the floor.”

“Hmm…well I guess I’ll see you in the morning then. Thank you for walking me to my door, that was very romantic of you.” She gave Beca a tight smile, feeling a little put off that Beca basically said that she didn’t want to lay with her (and yes, she could fucking ask Beca to come to her room but she had been gone for a thousand years and had **every** right to be coy if she wanted to!), and started to open her bedroom door. “Good night.”

“Wait I didn’t mean that you should-“

“-I’ve been thinking about kissing you since I got on the plane to Guatemala.”

“O…kay. Um, me too.” A grin broke across Chloe’s face that nearly sent her crashing to the floor as a rush of heat spread through her stomach and someplace lower that was definitely _not_ unwelcome. “You know, just to see what it would be like or whatever. For science.”

“You want to kiss me for science? You’re so weird.”

“Please don’t say it again, I knew it sounded stupid as soon as it left my mouth. I can understand if you won’t want to now since I kinda destroyed the mood. I’m just gonna go to bed.”

“Wait a minute, Beca. You’re cute when you’re flustered and rambling and whatever. And I definitely don’t want you to go to bed.” She placed a hand on each of Beca’s shoulders and squeezed them tightly while pulling her a few steps closer. “Especially now that we’re kissing each other for science.”

“Chloe I swear to God-“

And okay. Beca didn’t believe in huge romantic moments where the guy swooped in and shut the girl up with his lips but this was nice. This was new. This was fucking amazing. And her back was against the wall and maybe there was a tongue involved and hands and…o-fucking-kay.

She was kissing Chloe Beale.

* * *

 

“Hey hey hey, slow down a little Mitchell”, Chloe mumbled against her mouth as Beca started to fumble with the drawstring on her pajama bottoms. “I’ve been gone for ten months and I’ve been thinking about this for like a million years and maybe we should stop here. At least for tonight, ya know? We have time and there’s no use in rushing into it because we’re caught up in everything.”

“You don’t want to?” Beca whispered as her face flushed and she reached up to swipe her sweaty bangs out of her eyes while she caught her breathe. “Oh God, I’m such a teenage boy.”

“And I love that about you, but I am exhausted and I’d also kinda like to not be a cliché. You know, ‘friend likes friend and then friend likes her back and they have sex immediately and it’s not awkward or anything like that’.”

“What…?”

“Hey, it’s a thing! And I don’t want to be caught up in the moment when it happens.” She smoothed down Beca’s rumpled sleep shirt and softly said “I just wanna be caught up in you. Please don’t laugh.”

“I won’t, but that was very 90’s boyband of you. And you’re right, we should maybe wait until we’re both slightly rested. I wouldn’t want you to fall asleep while I have like three fingers in-“

“-Don’t be dirty, Beca! But I get it. That would be weird.”

Beca smiled down at her as she slowly eased herself off of Chloe’s body and laid down on the mattress next to her. Chloe opened her arms a little and Beca hesitated momentarily before sliding into them and putting her head on Chloe’s shoulder. She was never one for cuddling and was fighting herself from returning to her own bed so she could have control of her limbs and not be breathed on, but Chloe wanted this and she decided to stick it out for a little while. Besides, she had never done this with a girl before and maybe it would be different. There would be nothing wrong with trying this out too. For science, of course.

“So…in that scenario how long did the girl like her friend?” Beca asked to break the comfortable silence that had settled between the two of them. “I’m just kinda curious because I heard some weird stuff from Stacie and Amy about them knowing for a long time that we kinda liked each other. Apparently, they’ve been thinking about this since freshman year.”

“Yeah…me too.”

Chloe’s voice was hesitant as she admitted the truth to Beca and Beca swallowed a few times as she tried to get a handle on that. Chloe had brought boys, and sometimes girls, back to the Bella’s house and had always seemed more than supportive of her relationship with Jesse. To think that she had wanted a moment like this with her for over seven years was kinda mind-blowing. And it made all of the tension that she had been feeling over the past three seem like nothing. No wonder she wanted to hold off on going any further than this.

“And you never said anything?” Beca murmured while leaning on her elbow and gently moving some of the hair out of Chloe’s eyes. “That must’ve been really tough for you. I mean…seeing me with Jesse that whole time.”

“It wouldn’t have changed anything if I would have said something, so I just kept it to myself. You had him and I had Tom and the others so…we have each other now.“ She smiled a little at Beca as she took one of her hands in her own and whispered “Maybe we needed that time and everything that happened between us to get to this moment. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.”

“And you’re not scared? I know this may be hard for you to believe, because I’m just such a bad ass or whatever, but I was fucking terrified back there. And I’m still a little afraid that I’ll wake up and this will have been one of _those_ dreams again.”

“No, not really. I mean, I never made the first move because I wanted to be sure that you wanted me back, but I wasn’t ever scared. And I’m not now.”

“Why?” Beca asked while leaning against Chloe’s chest and breathing heavily against her skin as she fought off the sleep that had suddenly crept up on her. “Maybe if you tell me I won’t be scared either.”

“I just think that I might be right for you, so I have no real reason to be afraid.” She kissed the top of Beca’s head as she finally closed her eye and whispered “I’ve never been.”

“Hmm”, Beca trailed off while seeking out one of Chloe’s hands and giving it a little squeeze. “I like that.”

“I thought you would. It’s simple, but I think it’s enough. Now, go to sleep. We’ll talk more about this stuff in the morning.”

“Oh, I’m looking forward to it”, Beca replied and Chloe laughed because _of course,_ Beca would find a way to be pithy while being half asleep. “And Chlo…”

“What now Beca?”

“I think I might be right for you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So perhaps I actually made the 'An Emo Night Drive' playlist and if I maybe did then it can be found here: http://8tracks.com/needle-to-the-groove/an-emo-night-drive
> 
> I just have a boring work life.


	5. Little Wanderer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca never thought she'd be the one to stick around. But as her friends and girlfriend spin around her in dizzying circles, she realizes that maybe it's not so bad to be the one that stays in place.

* * *

“I don’t trust anybody that doesn’t let their pet sleep in bed with them.”

“You are out of your mind.” Beca whispered against Chloe’s bare back while trying to fall back asleep. She lived for the weekends when she could just sleep all day and not get up at the asscrack of dawn to battle with the constant Atlanta traffic and Chloe’s chatter was about to ruin her big, sleepy plans. “I don’t know how you landed such a catch like me. And I’m so glad that it’s just you and I this morning – the pup would be traumatized. ”

“It was my charm and good looks, obviously.” She turned over onto her back, nudging Beca from her big spoon position and onto her side of the bed which was painfully cold against her skin. They really needed to get a better furnace. “And my amazing bedroom skills.” Beca felt her cheeks blush as Chloe gingerly touched the line of hickeys that led from her neck to her collarbone and _okay_ , she was definitely not getting any more sleep. “My lips look good on you.”

“Keep that up and we’ll never leave this bed. Your poor children will be traumatized when you walk into school on Monday and look like you’ve been mauled by an uncontrollable beast.” Chloe chuckled a little and Beca couldn’t stop herself from shifting back over to her side of the bed and draping an arm and leg over Chloe’s bare body as she spooned her from the side. She was an **amazing** big spoon, but side spoon could be okay too. She just really liked being close to Chloe. Domesticity suited her, which constantly surprised her. “ _I_ am that beast.”

“Mm-hmm, sure you are. And yet, I’m pretty sure that I don’t have a single mark on me so maybe I’m the dominant one here.” She trailed her hand down Beca’s side and grinned when the girl trembled against her skin and shifted her hips a little, easily picking up where they had left off last night. “Maybe _I_ should give you a couple more so the girls at work know that you’re taken. Maybe one here”, she tapped her finger against Beca’s nose and removed it quickly when the girl pretended to try to bite her. “And here”, her finger moved to Beca’s shoulder, “and definitely here”, she grinned as she moved her hand to Beca’s breastbone and was met with a little groan of pleasure. “I take it that you agree?”

“Jesus Christ.” It was way too early for Chloe to be copping a feel, but who was she to stop her when it felt so fucking amazing? “Yeah, that’s a good place”, she breathed out while shifting onto her back and letting Chloe straddle her. This was a much better alternative to sleeping.

“Well, I guess you wouldn’t mind if I used my teeth then? I might as well get an early start if we’re scaring away those evil hipster girls you work with.” She winked at Beca and as the girl closed her eyes with a shuddering breath she couldn’t stop herself from biting down gently on the flesh beneath her lips for a moment before reverting back to her tongue and lips much to Beca’s displeasure. “We’ll get there. I don’t wanna make you combust at seven o’clock in the morning.”

“God, you’re an angel.”

“I try.”

“That doesn’t mean that you have to stop…” Chloe’s lips covered hers and Beca smiled a little as the girl began to let her hands wander again. One of Chloe’s favorite things in the world was shutting her up with a kiss and she was definitely not about to complain because she was dating quite possibly the most gifted kisser in the world. And if this was how Chloe wanted to spend their Saturday, she wouldn’t dare stop it. She was pretty generous that way. “Don’t stop”, she groaned as Chloe gripped her hip bone and started to teasingly tiptoe her fingers across her abdomen before sweeping in for the grand prize. “Oh fu-“

“-Molasses, what are you doing in here!” Chloe yelped while tumbling off of Beca’s body and quickly pulling the blankets up and over them as the dog pounced onto the bed. She had a thing about not corrupting the puppy and Beca would usually find it adorable when she wasn’t so painfully turned on. “Did someone climb the stairs all by herself? You’re such a good girl!”

The dog licked Chloe’s face while wagging her tail vigorously against Beca’s body and she growled a little at the very unwelcome distraction. She couldn’t understand how Chloe could turn off her whole sexual goddess act so quickly, but here she was letting the dog bathe her face in puppy droll and take over the bed with her furry paws and curly coat. And sure, it was kinda cute and maybe she had a dozen pictures of her two roommates just like this on her phone, but the dog needed to get a clue and realize that only one person deserved to be petted this morning and her name was Beca Mitchell.

“Isn’t she a good girl, Bec?”

“Oh, she’s just the best!” Beca replied sarcastically while sitting up with the blanket around her (because God forbid Mo see anything that would scar her little Goldendoodle brain) and fishing her underwear out from underneath the bed. “I’ll just leave you two alone since I’m obviously intruding on an intimate bonding moment. The shower is calling me.”

“Jealousy doesn’t look good on you, babe.”

“Bite me.” Chloe chuckled and Beca could feel her cheeks flush again as she caught a glimpse of the light bruises in the floor length mirror across from their bed. “And don’t take that as an invitation. I look like a leopard.”

* * *

 

“Are you clean now?” Chloe asked while smiling up at Beca as she entered their bedroom clad only in a towel. She loved lazy mornings like this and everything about the girl that was standing in front of her; from the tiny bit of water that remained on her shoulders and shone in the sparse morning light to the way her hair curled behind her ears as it dried. It never failed to amaze her that she had created this life for herself after so many years of aching for something as small as a kiss. And now that she had it, she wasn’t sure how she had made it so long without screaming. “I’ve got breakfast and I’ve got a bed and now I’ve got you wet – it’s like the perfect Saturday!”

Beca tried not to laugh as Chloe held out a bowl of cereal and took it from her hands while sitting opposite her at the foot of the bed. She leaned up against the footboard and popped a few pieces of the dry cereal (she **loved** that Chloe remembered that she hated milk) into her mouth while placing her feet in Chloe’s lap and frowning down at the puppy that was snuggled up to her side. _Of course_ the baby took her spot. But, all things considered, it was shaping up to be the perfect day.

“I see you’ve got yourself a new girlfriend too.” She motioned towards the snoozing dog and Chloe just smiled while running her fingers through her thick coat. Chloe adored the dog and any trepidation Beca initially had about bringing an animal into the fold quickly dissipated the first time she saw the girl cooing at their ‘baby’. It was still fun to give her a hard time though. “Thanks to her I had to have my own perfect Saturday in the shower by myself.”

“Boo! Well, we’ll just have to reenact that later when she’s sleeping. We’ve got to get her used to sleeping in her crate if she’s coming with us for Thanksgiving at your mom’s place. And I guess if it gets me in your pants here, I’ll start to suffer through the puppy separation anxiety now.”

“Thank you – I know it must be hard for you to put sex first.” Chloe reached across the bed and smacked her shoulder and Beca just grinned as she finished off the bowl of Captain Crunch. She loved that as Chloe dragged her heals on the road to nearing thirty she didn’t succumb to the pressure of eating adult cereal. She wasn’t sure if she could date someone that didn’t understand that any problem in life could be solved whilst eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. “But yes, Molasses can’t sleep near my mom’s bedroom if we want her to get any rest this holiday. We’re actually pretty lucky that she’s letting us come out there with the dog considering how bad her allergies are.” She looked down at her lap for a moment while Chloe silently studied her pensive face and softly added “Thank you for agreeing to come with me. I can’t wait for her to meet you.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. In fact, Aubrey was fully prepared to take Mo off of our hands so we could make the trip, but I’m glad it didn’t have to come to that. I couldn’t imagine Aubrey with a dog. Mo would come back all trained and stuff and I don’t know what I would do with myself.”

“Oh, God forbid the dog has some manners. I like having a puppy that hides my socks and chews on my power cords.” The dog looked up at her, almost as if she sensed that Beca was talking about her, and Beca just laughed while nudging her away from Chloe gently with her bare foot. “And I mostly dislike having a dog that steals my girl.”

“Don’t listen to her Molasses. Both of your mommies love you.” She smiled warmly at Beca from across the bed and softly said “Besides, I’m pretty sure that no one could steal me away from you so you’ve got nothing to worry about. Now that I’ve finally got you I have no real plans on letting someone swoop in and steal my heart – even if they have a cute little wet nose and big floppy ears.”

“Well, I guess I have nothing to worry about now.”

“You’ve been worrying?” Chloe asked while immediately sitting up and moving across the bed to sit next to her. She was _such_ a teacher. “Beca, I really like and care about you and there’s nothing that could ever change that. If it’s the dog that’s bothering you then I’m sure that we could find someone that could-“

“-We don’t have to rehome the dog, Chloe. I know how much you love her and I would never let you give away something like that because I’m being a dummy. And it’s not you or Molasses that I’ve been worried about so you’ve got nothing to get worked up about.”

“Then who or what is it?” Chloe took one of Beca’s hands in hers and squeezed it while tracing the tattoo that decorated her wrist tenderly. “Is it work? Maybe it’s time to start looking at other places if you’re unhappy.” Beca smirked at how insistent she was being and Chloe only pressed forward, desperate now to get to the bottom of it. “Is it the people that you work with? I thought that they had finally quit calling you Reggie. I’ll fight them if you want.”

“While I would love to see you take on my work battles for me, it’s really not necessary. It’s just a lot of different things but I’ve always been a worrier so it’s no biggie.” Chloe shot her a skeptical look and Beca added “If it was anything serious, you’d be the first person that I’d tell. It’s just dumb stuff like the weird noise my car was making the other day and where my workspace is going to be when we move into the new studio. None of that stuff is worth you worrying about too, okay?”

“Yeah, I guess so. I just…sometimes I worry that you don’t tell me everything because you don’t want to burden me and I just want you to know that it’s okay to lay your stuff on me when you need to.”

“I know and one day I will take you up on that. But that day is not today because I’ve got to go brush my hair before it looks like a rat’s nest.” She rose from the bed and could feel Chloe’s eyes following her as she walked towards the door. She huffed a little while pulling the towel tighter around her body and said “Dude, stop looking at me like you’re trying to read my mind. I promise that I’m not hiding anything from you.”

“Will you pinky promise me?” Beca shot her an incredulous look and Chloe couldn’t stop herself from laughing as she followed after her and held out her hand. “Come on, promise me and then I’ll stop worrying and we can get on with our day. I have a pretty busy afternoon planned for us and we have a lot to do before you can come back here and do me so it’s probably in your best interest to just humor me.”

“What kind of stuff do you have planned?” Beca asked with a curious expression painted on her face as she begrudgingly wrapped her pinky around Chloe’s and shook it quickly. “Am I going to like these things?”

“Probably not, but you’re going to come with me anyways because you love my company. Halloween is in like three days and we have no candy in this house for the trick-or-treaters so we have to get some.” Beca made a disgusted face and Chloe added “And we have to get spooky decorations for the outside of the house and maybe some fake spider webs and lights.” Beca shook her head as she started to walk away from her and Chloe knew that this whole afternoon was going to be like shopping with a toddler. “And then we have to come back here and hang them up.”

“You’re out of control, Beale.” Beca called over her shoulder as she dug through the hall closet for her hair straightener. “And I thought that we weren’t going to give out candy this year. We kinda decided that it wasn’t cool to give treats for mediocre costumes.”

“Um, you were the one that decided to be the biggest grinch in the neighborhood; I just nodded and agreed with you so you’d stop your rant about the kids that go out only wearing sheets and get pissy when you only have Nerds.”

“You make me sound like a grumpy old woman.”

“Well, you’re **my** grumpy old woman so it’s okay”, Chloe replied while sliding her hand into the closet and fetching the straightener that the girl was too distracted to spot. “Now, hurry up and get ready – I don’t want to miss all of the good candy and have the neighborhood kids egg our house.”

“Yes mom”, Beca mumbled while pretending to pout and trudging towards the bathroom. “You know you’ll probably have to bribe me so I don’t throw a tantrum when you spend four hours picking out decorations.”

“I don’t just have our afternoon planned, my dear.” Chloe dropped her voice down to a purr and winked at Beca before slyly pulling the towel away from her body and eyeing her up. “Now get going because I’m going to make it _very_ worth your while.” She smirked as Beca let out a little frustrated sigh and let her hands linger on her hips as she leaned in and whispered “I bought handcuffs.”

“Fuck.”

* * *

 

“I really like her, Beca”, Claire, Beca’s mother, whispered while putting the last touches on the relish tray for tomorrow’s meal. All of Beca’s family in the Seattle area had been invited over for Thanksgiving and it would be the first time that she had seen many of them since high school. It would also be the first time that many of them would find out that she wasn’t _exactly_ straight and while she hadn’t voiced it yet, she was pretty terrified of how they would react. “You did good kid.”

Beca smiled as a blush worked its way up into her cheeks and passed her mother the saran wrap to cover up the glass tray. She hadn’t really been surprised when her mother didn’t have much of a reaction when she slipped up a few weeks ago during one of their bi-monthly phone conversations and mentioned that she was dating a girl, but she also hadn’t expected her to take to this new development so smoothly. She just kinda hoped that the shoe wouldn’t eventually drop in a way that would make Chloe feel uncomfortable or not wanted. It was important for her to have the most important person in her life on board with who she was dating and she couldn’t help but worry that this was just an act that would eventually expose her disgust for her lifestyle.

“You’re being awfully quiet, Becs. Are you okay?” When Beca hesitated for a few moments Claire put her hand on her shoulder and softly said “Sweetheart, I am not upset or angry with you about who you’re dating. In fact, I’m actually super happy for you and kinda glad that you brought her out here.”

“Really?”

“Oh, definitely. She’s the first person that you’ve brought home that actually likes my baking. Maybe she was just humoring me or was too nice to refuse, but I appreciate people that appreciate my fruit cake. You better not screw this one up.”

“I’ll try not to”, Beca laughed while staring out into the living room and grinning at the sight of the girl who was curled up on the couch with her Kindle, oblivious to the fact that they were talking about her. She adored that Chloe made herself at home because it made all of this so much easier to face. “But seriously, she’s been really good for me. She was the first person that forced me to open up at college and it’s kinda nice to be in love with your best friend.”

“You’re in love with her?” Her mother asked while putting the tray into the refrigerator. “That’s a big step for you kiddo.”

“I haven’t told her yet or anything, but I think I am.” She played with the ring on her thumb to avoid the watchful gaze of her mother and collected her thoughts before speaking again. “We’ve only been dating since June and I don’t know if it’s too soon to love someone after just five months, but I don’t know what else to call the way she makes me feel. She’s turned me into a big sap.”

“Well, I don’t think you can ever really put a timeframe on these things and if that’s how you feel then good. And I think that you guys being friends for so long definitely helps your relationship. You have a history and you really know each other and that’s good; there are fewer surprises that way.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Beca took the mug of coffee that her mother held out for her and took a sip. She never imagined that she’d be on the cusp of turning twenty six and having a conversation like this in her childhood home. She had played with her Barbies in the very spot that her girlfriend was falling asleep and while it all still felt a little strange, she wasn’t running from it. “I’m just really happy that you didn’t freak or anything. I still haven’t told dad about it and I wanted to wait until I saw your reaction before breaking the news to him. I think he has his suspicions, or at least Sheila does, but I’m trying to take all of this a little slow.”

“And you should if it’s important to you. I can’t tell you how he’s going to react, but I do know that he loves you and that he would do anything for you. And I also know that, from what I can tell, Chloe is pretty difficult not to fall for.”

“You’ve definitely got that right. Maybe I’ll surprise him with it for Christmas. I’ll show up at the house with Chloe and give him a box with a PFLAG t-shirt in it.”

“Surprise, your daughter is gay!” Claire laughed a little as Beca blushed again and quickly amended herself. “Sorry, _bi-sexual_ is the right term, right?” Beca nodded while looking down at her hands and Claire knew her daughter well enough to know that she didn’t like to define herself with a single term. And so she wouldn’t either. “Whatever you are, or _aren’t_ , it’s okay. Now, I can see that you’re distracted so why don’t you take this other cup of coffee and spend some time with that girlfriend of yours? I still have some cleaning up to do before the family arrives tomorrow and you’ve never been that handy around the kitchen.”

“Thanks, mom.” She took the other cup of coffee from her and made her way to the living room before turning around and saying “And mom? Thanks for just…still loving me.”

“Hey, I could never stop loving you. And I want one of those shirts for Christmas too!”

* * *

 

Beca spit her last mouthful of Crest out and looked up into the foggy mirror in time to see Chloe pull her sweater up and over her head. And while she had seen Chloe without any clothes on many times, she still managed to somehow take her breath away. Maybe it was the way her muscles tensed under her skin as she started to undo her bra or how she hummed to herself under her breath as she adjusted the spray of the water. Or even just the little things like the tiny hairs that didn’t get caught up in her pony tail and curled against her neck or the way that she balanced precariously on one leg, wobbling a little, as she tested the water before climbing in.

She was caught up in everything that was in front of her and as she turned around to face that girl she knew that maybe a bath wasn’t the best idea. There would be pretty much no way that she could keep her hands off of Chloe and her mother was never a particularly sound sleeper. And it definitely wouldn’t make for a very happy Thanksgiving if she caught them. But none of that stopped her as she surged forward and sunk into the bath, smiling as some of the suds went up and over the sides as she sat across from Chloe.

“There aren’t nearly enough suds in here to protect my modesty.”

“What modesty?” Beca asked while sinking further into the tub and digging her toes playfully into Chloe’s sides. “Besides, I’ve seen you naked in far nicer places than this so the bubbles mean nothing. I _am_ a little worried though about your notorious wandering hands. I wouldn’t want to spend Thanksgiving in a hotel when you have me screaming at midnight and get us kicked out.”

“Sorry to burst your bubble chief, but I don’t have sex when the parents are around. I’m a good girl.”

“Well, that’s a relief then. My mother has practically fallen in love with you and I’m glad that she’ll be able to continue liking you more than me. **You** eat her fruitcake.”

“I hated it, but she was smiling at me like all of her hopes and dreams were riding on it so I just kept eating. I’m _such_ a good girlfriend.” She reached under the water to pat one of Beca’s thighs and as the girl smiled back at her with happiness shining through her eyes, Chloe softly added “Thank you for bringing me home for the holidays.”

“Well, thanks for coming home with me.”

The girls sat in silence for a little while, enjoying the warm water and the scent of fruit from the body wash that Chloe had poured into the tub, and just stared at each other. Chloe occasionally brushed her fingers against Beca’s legs and tickled her with her toes, but couldn’t garner a reaction from the girl and frowned. For someone that seemed so calm and at peace from the moment they had pulled up to the house, there was something decidedly off with the girl and Chloe could see it written all over her face.

“You’re quiet”, Chloe whispered while reaching out for one of Beca’s hands and smiling when she didn’t hesitate to hold hers too. “I can practically hear the gears moving in your head.”

“I’m happy. Isn’t that enough?”

“I don’t think it is, not when you look like you’re distracted by something.” She slid her feet under Beca’s thighs and flexed them a little to lift her up and bring her closer. Beca curled her knees up into her chest and Chloe softly said “You promised me that you would tell me when you were worrying about something.” Beca managed a slight smile towards her as her emotions betrayed her and tears filled her eyes and Chloe couldn’t help but gasp. “Beca…”

“I’m just worried about my mom”, Beca finally admitted while quickly swiping the tears out of her eyes. “I know I haven’t seen her in a while, but she just looks so rundown. And I know that she’s still constantly busy with work and that it’s hard to do all of the holiday stuff when it’s just one person, but she started to cry when she saw me and I don’t know. Maybe it’s all in my head.”

“Oh Beca, I’m sure it’s nothing. Did you ask her?” Chloe asked as she ran her hands up and down Beca’s arms. She lingered on the tattoos before she took Beca’s hands in her own and let her fingers play with the gold ring that meant the world to her. “If it means anything my parents are starting to get super gray and it scared the hell out of me when they visited in June. It means we’re getting old too, buddy.”

 “I don’t think it’s like that and when I asked her she just said that she’s been working too hard. I hope that she’s telling me the truth and that she really is just worn out, but she’s never really been one to include me in her personal life.” Beca looked up at Chloe and managed a small shrug before sitting up on her knees and placing a kiss on her forehead. “I’ve never really included her in my personal life either so I guess we’re even. If I know her like I think I do, she wouldn’t tell me during the holiday anyway. But hey, maybe I’m just reading too far into this.”

“Well, I hope you are and I’m sure that she’s just tired. Heck, we did most of the driving yesterday and I still feel like a walking zombie today. Tomorrow will be better. I’m really looking forward to meeting the rest of your family. I hope that they like me.”

“They definitely will.” Chloe smiled a little as she looked down at the water and played with the few patches of bubbles that remained. Something had been off with the girl since they had left Atlanta and Beca wasn’t entirely sure if she could blame it on being exhausted from travelling across the country with a hyperactive dog. There was something different in her eyes and in how sentimental she had suddenly become in wanting to make this a holiday to remember. Chloe had always been one to embrace the present and Beca had caught her taking pictures and getting misty eyed one too many times over the past three days for it to be a coincidence. Something was up. “So, I think that since you got me to talk about what’s bugging me you should tell me what’s going on with you now.”

“How do you know that anything is going on with me?” Chloe mumbled before looking up to meet Beca’s eyes and adverting them a moment later when Beca just shrugged. “I’m just tired so maybe that’s why I seem off to you.”

“Come on Chloe, I do _kinda_ know you and I know that you’re not telling me something either.” She tickled Chloe’s ribs and softly said “Neither of us are very good liars, so you should probably just tell me before I tickle it out of you and wake my mom up in the process.”

“You drive a hard bargain, my dear. I just…I need you to promise me that you won’t hate me.”

“Well, that’s ridiculous. I could never hate you.” She kissed the back of Chloe’s hand before moving it to the space between her breasts and pressing down gently. And when she felt Chloe’s heart racing under her hand she finally let herself start to worry. “I think it would be physically impossible for me to ever hate you. Something happens whenever I look at you that just makes my mind combust and my body do stupid things. And then I start rambling and it’s really just unpleasant. But yes, I can promise you that I won’t hate you.”

“I didn’t want to tell you until after the holiday, but I guess I’m not very good at keeping secrets.” Beca frowned at Chloe and took a deep breath because this was **definitely** not shaping up to be a good kind of conversation. “I got a call from Marit a few days ago and she’s in a pretty bad pinch. They have to move to Spain for a year for her husband’s job and the tutor that they got for Henrik just found out that she’s pregnant and can’t go with them.”

“Chloe…”

“They need someone that can speak the language enough to get them by and help them get adjusted to their surroundings while also keeping Henrik caught up with his studies.” She felt her eyes fill with tears when Beca looked away from her and knew that the girl would never be on board with this. It was too much to put their relationship through again. But she couldn’t stop herself from continuing on once she ripped the initial bandage away. “It’s an amazing opportunity and there would be a lot of travelling throughout Europe and just seeing all that there is to see. They want him to have a hands-on education and what’s more hands-on than actually going to the places that you’re learning about?”

“So…are you asking me if it’s okay for you to go or telling me that you’ve already told her yes?” Beca whispered while focusing on the chipped tile behind Chloe’s head to avoid meeting her eyes and falling apart. This was not what she was expecting to happen this vacation. Not again. “Tell me.”

“I told her that I would come over for a few months until they got settled in. That maybe I would stay until the school year was over and then come back home.” Beca looked absolutely blindsided as she tried to digest what Chloe had just told her and Chloe couldn’t stop herself from breaking down. “And I know that I should have asked you first and if we’re a team we should talk about this stuff-“

“-Chloe, we’re both adults. I’m not going to stop you from doing something that you obviously love doing.” Beca tried to smile while rising to her knees again and shifting her body so she was behind Chloe. The girl couldn’t stop herself from breaking down into tears once Beca touched her and Beca just held her wordlessly from behind and placed tender kisses onto her back as she tried to get control of herself. She was angry and upset and hated this whole thing with every fiber of her being, but she cared about Chloe more and that meant comforting and supporting her even when it hurt. And in that moment, she realized for the first time without doubting or talking herself out of it that she truly loved her and maybe that meant saying painful things. “If just feels sometimes like you’re running away from me…from us.” Chloe sniffled in her arms and Beca kissed the back of her head before she softly said “Are you?”

“No, I promise that I’m not.” Chloe turned in Beca’s arms to look into her eyes and calmed a little when she saw that she was fighting valiantly to keep her emotions in check. Beca was trying to actually hear her out before reacting and it made this whole awful conversation just the tiniest bit easier. “It’s just…I don’t know how to explain it without sounding stupid.”

“Hey, I sound stupid at least thirty five times a day so I’m not going to judge you. Please, tell me what’s going on in your head.” She squeezed Chloe’s hand a little as she leaned her head against her chest and softly added “I’d like to know, but only if you want to tell me.”

“It’s just that I wasted so much time in college by holding back and being afraid of what might happen. I was afraid of moving on and being alone and facing a world where I didn’t know exactly who I was. And now…I know what I want and what makes me happy and I have these opportunities that I don’t want to walk away from.” She sniffled as the tears started to come again and whimpered “I just don’t know how to make everything fit. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Hey, hey, hey you’re not going to lose me”, Beca soothed her before tilting her face towards her and placing a tender kiss on her cheek. “I waited three years to have this beautiful mess that I have with you and there’s no way that I’d throw it away just because you’re taking advantage of an amazing opportunity. And yeah, it’ll be different but not the end of us. We’ll just have to try new things and make it work.”

“New things like…phone sex?”

“I was thinking more like investing in new webcams and me maybe taking some of the vacation that I’ve saved up so I can take you on an amazing trek across Europe, but phone sex is good too.” She grinned and wrapped her arms around Chloe as she leaned back against the tub and sighed heavily. “I’ve never had phone sex before so I can’t promise that I’ll be particularly good at it, but I’ll give it my best shot. Maybe I’ll try my hand at writing letters and sending you long emotional mixtapes featuring the best of The Cure too. One with sixteen different versions of Friday I’m In Love on it.”

“That sounds amazing. I’m really looking forward to all of the gifts I’m going to be getting from you. Maybe I should just move away forever-“

“-Hey let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Beale. You’ll be getting the occasional reasonable gift, but nothing too fancy. Let’s not forget that you’re leaving me behind with the baby and Mo has very expensive tastes. I won’t have money for diamonds when I’ve got kibble to buy.”

“I’m making you a single mother! I can’t believe that I forgot that we have a kid now. I’m terrible.” She smiled at Beca and softly said “Thank you for trying to make this work with me. It’s probably more than I deserve at this point, but it’s definitely not what I was expecting. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I just…I love you.” Chloe’s eyes welled up with tears and Beca bit her lip, suddenly worried that she had said it far too soon. She had wanted to wait for a while, at least until after the holidays so it wouldn’t be so cliché, but it had felt like the right thing to say in that moment. “You don’t have to be in love with me right now, but I just wanted you to know that I am. And now I feel like an idiot.”

“Don’t feel like an idiot. And I um, I feel the same way but I didn’t really want to say _those_ words for the first time in a bathtub. It’s kinda weird.” Beca laughed before kissing the top of her head and Chloe squeezed her hand before reaching for a towel and standing up. “C’mon, get out of this tub and let me eye-sex you while we get in our pajamas and snuggle. We have a big today tomorrow and I can’t wait to have Thanksgiving with you.”

* * *

 

“It’s so weird that he doesn’t have any teeth. I mean, he’s pretty much the cutest thing that I’ve ever seen in my life and I just want to keep him with us forever, but still. Babies need teeth.” Beca smiled down at Axel as he squeezed her finger in his tiny hand and looked over at Chloe moments after the flash on her camera went off. “Playing paparazzi again? I know that we’re adorable and I’m like the hottest godmother in the world, but it’s getting creepy Chlo.”

“It’s not creepy to take pictures of your girlfriend, Beca. Besides, I need reminders of this moment to use as ammo against you in the future when you insist that you’re not a softy. Look at you – you’re practically melting over this little guy.”

“Who wouldn’t?” Beca cooed down at the baby and couldn’t stop herself from smiling when he kicked his legs and made soft baby noises back at her. She had never been particularly fond of children, heck she had refused to even meet her step sister until the kid was two, but it was somehow different now that she was older. It was weird that her friends were starting to have children and even weirder that if something happened to both of them she would be in charge of raising this little dude, but it wasn’t something that completely terrified her and maybe that meant that she was growing up. Growing up but nowhere close to being ready to settle down. Thank God. “Who would have thought that something this adorable could come from Bumper? I guess miracles do happen.”

“Hey, don’t talk about his daddy in front of him. I’m sure that Bumper is a great father.” She slid her camera into her pocket and approached Beca, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as they looked down at the baby that was currently wiggling around on the guest bed, and softly said “You would be a great mom.”

“You’re crazy. I can barely make ramen for myself without messing it up.”

“I don’t think that you can measure your ability to be a mom by your skills in the kitchen. Besides, I think that parenting is all about learning. No one is good at it from the start.” She squeezed Beca’s hand and added “You just have to have the right person by your side to grow with you. And a lot of patience.”

“Well, I guess we’ll never be parents then.”

“Beca…?” Chloe trailed off as the girl scooped up the baby and started to walk towards the door. “I’m not suggesting that we’re anywhere close to being ready for that step - we haven’t even been together for a year yet. I’m just saying that…I would want this someday. I would want it with you if we were able to get there.”

“You’d have to stick around longer than a couple months at a time for us to get there, Chloe.”

“I thought that you were okay with this. We agreed that we would try to make this work and enjoy the time that we have left together before I go. It sounds like you’re not-“

“-I’m not what? Happy that you’ll be halfway across the world at this time next month?! No, I’m not okay with this and I would **love** for you to stay here, but I can’t make you stay if that’s what you want to do. It would be selfish of me to make you give this up and I’m not going to be that person. I can’t have you resenting me.” She rubbed Axel’s back as the boy started to fuss a little and took a few breaths to calm herself down before continuing. “I love you and I want to have this with you one day and that’s something that I never saw myself saying to a person. But I can’t talk about this or imagine myself carrying around _our_ baby when you’re taking off. I can’t let myself think about something that I won’t have until we give ourselves the try that we deserve. Please don’t cry.”

“I’m not going to cry, Beca”, Chloe replied while forcing herself not to roll her eyes. She hated that Beca had a point with all of this, especially when she liked to think about them being cute and domestic, but she was right. It wouldn’t be fair to hope for something that **she** was stopping them from having. It just hurt that she had to feel like she was being selfish for following her heart and trying to have an amazing career and it didn’t help that Beca kept bringing it up to her face. “I’m just sorry that you’re upset today. You’re right and I shouldn’t have even brought it up. I’m sorry that I ruined your birthday.”

“Hey, I can’t help that I look cute holding this baby and my birthday is not ruined. It _will_ be ruined, however, when we have dinner with my family. Speaking of that, we should probably head over there so let’s take this little guy back downstairs to his mom and get the inevitable over with.”

* * *

 

“I’m really going to miss Chloe”, Addison mumbled between bites of cake. Her father had really gone above and beyond for this birthday and had bought Beca a gourmet chocolate cake. Turning 26 had never been so delicious.

“Yeah, me too”, Beca added while shooting Chloe a small smile. She had been quiet since their conversation over at Amy’s house and she felt badly for being so tough on her. They were supposed to be enjoying these final weeks of December and all she had really done was make it worse on Chloe. “I probably won’t miss her snoring in my ear every night though.” _Fuck_. She really needed to start thinking before she opened her mouth.

Silence swept over the adults at the table as soon as the words left Beca’s mouth and outside of Addie’s fork scraping her plate, oblivious to the meaning of the words that Beca had said, no one made a noise. Beca could practically see the images flashing through her father’s mind as he slowly swallowed his mouthful of cake and she shuddered a little as she snuck a glance at Sheila and caught her grinning smugly. Chloe had stiffened next to her and Beca let out the breath that she had been holding in as she reached under the table for her hand and squeezed it tightly. If she was going to have an awkward ‘coming out’ conversation, then she at least wanted Chloe to be there with her.

“So um…”, her father trailed off while trying to piece together exactly what he wanted to say to her. It wasn’t every day that you questioned your daughter about her sexuality and he had to pick his words carefully with his other young, more impressionable, child sitting next to him. “How long have you girls been seeing each other?”

“Since June.”

“Oh my God, I knew it!” Sheila exclaimed while banging her hand down on the table and making both Chloe and Beca nearly jump out of their skin. “I’ve been telling Warren this whole time that there was something brewing between you two, but did he believe me? You should **always** believe the wife.”

“Why would you hide this from me, Beca? I’m pretty sure that I’ve never given you a reason to think that I wouldn’t accept you and if I have I’m really sorry.”

“Dad, it’s not like that. I just…I didn’t know how you would react and yeah, I kinda figured that you wouldn’t disown me for it, but it’s not that easy sometimes. There was always that risk that you, or anyone in my life, would disagree with my choice to be with Chloe and it’s the reason why I’ve taken it so slow. I just told mom last month, if that means anything.”

“And she’s okay with it?” Warren asked while dipping his spoon into his mug of coffee and stirring it to break up some of the silence that still filled the tense room. “I know that we haven’t exactly been on the best terms since the divorce, but if she isn’t maybe I could-“

“-Dad, she’s okay. I mean, Grandma didn’t seem all that thrilled about it and left right after we ate pumpkin pie, but you can’t win them all. But thank you, for offering to shape her up or whatever.”

 “That’s good. Your mom is _kinda_ terrifying to talk to on the phone so I’m glad she’s cool.” He breathed a small sigh of relief and looked from his daughter to her silent girlfriend who was staring down at her hands and looked like she’d rather be anywhere else but there. “And Chloe, how did your parents take it? Have they met Beca?”

“Yeah they um, they love her. They drove up from Florida to visit when we got home from Seattle and they were great. Beca isn’t the first woman that I’ve ever dated, so they honestly had nothing to be really surprised about, but she is the first person that I’ve ever lived with of either sex. If anything, they were more surprised that I’m so serious about a relationship - it only took me twenty-eight years to get there.”

“Well, better late than never.” Sheila cut in while walking over to the wine cabinet and pulling out a bottle of Cabernet and several wine glasses. “I think we should have a toast. Warren, would you do the honors?”

“Absolutely.” He handed a full glass of wine to Beca and Chloe before taking his own and smiling at the group. He knew that they were trying too hard, but maybe there was no such thing when your child was involved. He just wanted her to feel loved and accepted and if this was what it took, he’d give a dumb toast a thousand times. “Beca, may you have many more birthdays and all of the wishes you make come true. Chloe, may all of your travel abroad be safe and take a ton of pictures so you remember it always. And to the two of you, may you continue to grow together while you’re apart and reunite with more love and understanding than when you separated.”

“To Beca and Chloe!” Sheila exclaimed while raising her glass and drinking from it along with her husband.

Beca turned to look at Chloe with amusement painted on her face and frowned a little when she saw her. She looked pale and overwhelmed and like she wanted to run from the room as she tried to avoid Beca’s eyes. Beca immediately felt her heart sink in her chest at the sight of the girl and she knew that this separation would be much harder than she had let herself imagine it to be. And that she needed to be a better girlfriend if they were even going to get to January together.

“To us”, she whispered while gently raising Chloe’s chin with her fingers and looking into her eyes. “I love you.”

“To us.”

* * *

 

For the first time in over a year, Beca hated her house. She hated how heavy her hand felt on the doorknob as she hesitated on the doorstep, willing herself to go inside and break the spell of pretending that nothing had changed. She wanted to linger in her car and maybe go for a long drive culminating in a six pack of beer and a long night alone at the studio before sleeping at her desk and pretending that she was okay at work the next morning. If she was braver, she would get in that car and drive back to the airport and wait it out. She’d sit in the waiting area by baggage claim, where Chloe had said “I love you’ for the first time just two hours ago before slipping away with tears pouring down her face, and dream that this didn’t happen. That she wasn’t alone. That Chloe wasn’t running away from her again.

She’d be Rip Van Winkle and sleep in the hard plastic chair for forty years until the life that she loved came back to her. And sure, she knew that she was exaggerating and that it wasn’t _that_ long, but it stung like nothing she had known before and she had barely kept it together while they said their goodbyes which only made the drive home worse. She had never been particularly good at showing her emotions, but when the tears in her eyes nearly made her hit the bumper of the car in front of her and she pulled off into the parking lot of a CVS, she had completely lost it. She was sure that she looked like hell and that her mascara was all over the place, but what did it matter now? The only person waiting for her was a dog that pretty much just tolerated her and a freezer full of dinners that Chloe had prepared in advance.

“I like the idea that you’re here eating a meal that I made for you. It makes me feel like maybe one less thing has changed for us.” Chloe had admitted while pouring the contents of their crockpot into a freezer bag. “Besides, I don’t want you to live on pizza and TV dinners for five months, Beca. And I’ll be totes jealous that you’ll be eating my **amazing** pulled pork while I’m eating escargot in Paris. You’ll have bragging rights.”

If she closed her eyes and wished hard enough, she could put herself in that moment and feel Chloe’s lips as they briefly met hers and her hands that had wrapped around her back while pulling her in for a hug. The way that Chloe’s lips tasted like the semi-sweet chocolate chips that she had snacked on while making her a surprise dessert and how warm the kitchen was as the moment seeped into her bones and skin and her heart.

She knew that she couldn’t stay outside much longer, especially since Molasses had been left alone for over five hours now, and slid her key into the lock before stepping inside. Chloe’s had been tucked into the pocket on the breast of her shirt and a quivering breath crept past her lips as she hung it on the key rack that was tucked next to the front door. She hung her coat over the back of the couch, not really caring to put it away now that Chloe wouldn’t be here to scold her about not being a slob, and breathed deeply. The house still smelt like a mix of Chloe’s favorite cheesy holiday body spray from Bath and Body Works and the candles that they had lit last night before making love on the couch for one last time. She knew that by tonight it would pass when she lit a fire to warm herself from the colder weather outside, but for now it was perfect and that was enough. And once it was gone, she would sneak into Chloe’s closet and wrap herself in her sweaters and coats and feel at home for brief moments like she was having right now. _Christ, when had she turned into a sap?_

As she sunk onto the arm chair that was tucked under the bay window she heard Mo’s tiny feet running along the floor upstairs as she bolted down to find her owners. And she swore that when the puppy only saw her sitting there she actually looked kinda disappointed as her wagging tail slowed up a tad. Which made two of them, she supposed.

“Chloe’s not here, Mo”, Beca mumbled and frowned a little as the dog's ears perked up at the mention of her name. “She went away on an airplane and she’s not going to be back for a few months. But you’ve got me! That counts, right?”

The dog just stared back at her and slowly eased herself down onto her belly while moving her ears back and forth tentatively. It felt crazy to talk to the animal and even more bizarre that she was trying to explain a situation like this to a dog in the first place, but it strangely felt a little comforting to say it out loud. And she was sure that the dog was probably completely confused as to where her owner was and maybe even a little scared so she didn’t even stop herself as she eased off of the chair and kneeled in front of the dog. But what surprised her was the way that she burst into tears when Molasses crept forward and placed her head on Beca’s knee while whimpering a little. She didn’t feel like lying to herself about this anymore and as the tears ran down her face and landed in tiny drops on Mo’s curly fur she almost felt better.

“I miss her too.” She sniffled and wrapped an arm around Mo’s body while swiping away the tears that were still streaming down her face. When Mo licked her cheek and cuddled a little closer to her she smiled and held her tighter. Maybe she just needed a friend, even if it was a puppy. “So, it’s just gonna be us for a little while girl, but I think we can make this work. We’ve got kibble, toys, and a lot of treats. Plus, walking is the only physical activity I’ve ever been good at so you’re in luck. Do you wanna go for a walk with me?”

The dog practically leaped out of her arms and ran towards the door, standing on her hind legs and scratching at it as Beca slowly pulled herself up and followed after her. As she pulled her warm winter jacket back on and clipped the leash onto the dog’s collar she felt comfortable for the first time since that morning when she woke up entangled in Chloe’s limbs. Maybe getting out and being active would help her keep her mind off of everything.

Maybe it was time to start living for herself again.

* * *

 

“What time is it there?” Beca asked while flicking on the bedside lamp and adjusting the laptop on her knees so that her face filled the tiny screen in the corner. “If I’m keeping you up then we can just talk tomorrow.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I’ve been waiting for this all day.” Chloe had been sightseeing and travelling in London for two days and had finally settled down long enough to be able to Skype Beca. While it was only ten o’clock in Atlanta, it was after 3 in London and she had to make the conscious effort not to yawn while Beca fiddled with her laptop. It didn’t really matter how tired she was though – she lived for these video sessions with her girlfriend. “I can’t wait to show you all of the pictures I took when you come over to visit. I didn’t want to put them all on Instagram and be **that** person, but there are a few to tide you over. I also can’t wait to visit them with you. How many days?”

“Too many days. April is just really too far away for me to even want to think about it. I can’t wait though – I’ve even started to make a list of everywhere I want to go. Thank you for saving Abbey Road for me.”

“I’d much rather see it with you than with a little boy. I can’t wait to see your face when you see this place. You’re going to love it.” Beca simply smiled back at her and Chloe sunk a little further back into her pillows before she softly said “So, enough about me and my European vacation. How was your day? Did you and the baby go on one of your famous walks? Your dad sent me an e-mail the other day with a picture that Sheila had taken from their porch when you guys made it to their neighborhood. I had no idea that you were becoming such a talented dog walker.”

“Well, since someone decided to leave me I’ve been bored and Mo has been miserable and walking is easy. We’ve also been working on learning some tricks and not eating everything in the house, but that’s a work in progress.” She looked down at her keyboard and picked a piece of popcorn out from between the keys as Chloe laughed. She liked that Chloe found her relationship with their dog adorable and maybe she’d think a little differently when she heard what had happened that afternoon. Her girl had game. “A girl flirted with me today during our walk.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, I was honestly really surprised because no one ever flirts with me, but yup. Your girl apparently has some kind of weird, sweaty athletic charm.” Chloe faked a grimace at the image and Beca laughed before she said “I guess you should feel pretty awesome knowing that you were the one that landed me.”

“Oh, I’m ecstatic!” Chloe lowered her voice when she heard movement in the next room and pulled the laptop a little closer, wanting to keep Beca’s voice just for herself. “What did she say? I need to know so I can work on my lines when I see you again.”

“You never need to worry about stuff like that because I’m not that easy. She just stopped to pet Mo and told me that my jacket was really cute and I was like-“

“-What jacket were you wearing?” Chloe interrupted and blushed a little when Beca simply quirked an eyebrow at her. “I need to know so I can…set the scene in my mind. Give me something to work with here.”

“I was wearing your old red plaid pea coat from college. It smells like you and it’s like super comfortable.”

“That’s the most adorable thing that I’ve ever-“

“-Enough! I am not adorable. But anyway, I thanked her and she was like ‘you’re really cute too’ and I almost died because that’s just such a Stacie move and I didn’t know that real people actually act like she does too.” Chloe let a loud laugh escape from her lips before placing her hand over her mouth and frowning at the shared wall between her room and Marit’s. She **hated** this arrangement. “But then I told her that I was taken and she actually said ‘well, I don’t see a ring so it can’t be that serious’ and slipped me her number.” She smiled as Chloe’s jaw dropped a little in obvious anger and Beca softly added “Which I immediately got rid of. But yes, that was my day.”

“Oh wow, I guess I’ve got some competition now. And it’s not like I’m there to give you some very obvious hickies to scare them away either…” She trailed off as Beca bit her bottom lip and dropped her voice before she whispered “We’ll just have to try other things to help the time pass while you’re fighting off all of these girls. It must be incredibly frustrating for you.”

“Chloe…” Beca groaned while her eyes quickly flicked around the room, looking for the dog or an out to give her an excuse for the way her cheeks were burning and her heart was pounding. It was ridiculous how quickly Chloe was able to get her from 0 to ‘so turned on that she couldn’t even move’ and while she usually loved it, there was a small matter of an ocean between them that made actually taking care of it kinda difficult. And yeah, she **had** since Chloe had left because she was a human with needs and liked being able to think about stuff other than the ghost of Chloe’s hands and her mouth and that tongue and-

“If I was there right now, you wouldn’t have that little smirk on your face. And we’d definitely be taking care of how turned on you look. Preferably in my bed. Sans clothes.” She chuckled to herself as Beca only squeezed her eyes shut a little tighter and her forehead tensed briefly. She loved getting to her this way. They hadn’t worked their way up to this since she had left and it was nice to have her in the palm of her hand again. It was like nothing had even changed. “First I’d have my lips on your neck marking you. I’d start at your ear, getting that spot behind it that drives you crazy, and then maybe kiss your earrings. I know that you hate when I play with them but they make me-“

“-Are we really doing this right now?” Chloe simply nodded and Beca let out a shaky breath as Chloe started to pull her sweater over her head to reveal her bare chest. “No bra, huh? That’s bold.”

“I like to be prepared at all times. Take off yours.” Beca frowned a little as she bashfully reached for the hem of her sleep shirt and Chloe softly said “Don’t be shy, babe. I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

“This is so stupid”, Beca muttered before pulling her own shirt off and fumbling with the clasp of her bra before slipping it over her shoulders too. She felt incredibly awkward as Chloe just grinned back at her, pleased that she had gotten Beca to fall under her spell so easily, and just shook her head while shifting her laptop back on her knees and trying to somehow get comfortable with this situation. “Stop smiling, you jerk. And keep talking because I…it was good.”

“Then I’d…kiss you.” Beca’s eyes slipped shut and Chloe let her own follow as she laid flat on her bed and let the laptop lean on her bent knees. “And I’d start touching you.”

“Where?”

“Everywhere.” Beca laughed a little as she folded her arms across her stomach, almost as if she was waiting for direction from Chloe on what to do with her hands, and Chloe mumbled “I’d probably start with your breasts. I love how you gasp when I first touch them and then I’d use my teeth because I know how it drives you crazy.” She paused as Beca moved her hands to cup her breasts, surprisingly not letting her inhibitions get in the way of what they were doing, and shifted her own hips as she felt the familiar warmth start to build in her lower belly. “Eventually I’d be too much for you and you’d push my head away.”

“I’d probably pull your hair too”, Beca muttered through gritted teeth as she slid a hand to her stomach and dropped the other to the mattress next to her. “As payback for teasing me, obviously. And then you’d…”

“What would I do?” Chloe asked when Beca was too overwhelmed to continue with the question. She liked filling in her blanks. “I think I’d touch your stomach like you’re doing right now. I’d trace your abs with my fingers and think about how I really need to start taking you to yoga with me so they’d be even better than they are.”

“You’re such an ass. And I wouldn’t let you stay there long because you have a habit of wearing out your welcome and teasing far too much.” Chloe laughed and Beca couldn’t stop herself from parting her legs just a little, groaning as the tightness of this particular pair of skinny jeans made itself glaringly apparent, and slid her hands down to unzip them. “Sometimes I just like when you get the show on the road.”

 “Fuck.” Chloe held her breath as she listened to Beca slowly pull the zipper down and then watched with hooded eyes as she slid her hands beneath the fabric of her underwear, sighing softly before looking up at the camera and locking eyes with Chloe. She couldn’t believe that this was actually happening and sure, she had thought about it and planned it out in her head too many times to count, but this was **real**. “Are you…?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Do you want me to keep talking?” Beca nodded a little and Chloe froze, flitting from being distracted by what the fabric was hiding to finding herself entirely too focused on the sweat on her forehead and the way she was biting her lip to function. “God, you’re so hot. I can’t believe that you’re doing this for me.”

“C-Chloe…”

“I never thought you’d actually do this…to touch yourself when I can’t touch you. I just-“

“-Jesus, _Chloe._ ” Her back suddenly arched off of the bed, sending the laptop toppling onto the mattress next to her, and all she could do was gasp as she startled herself. And okay, that was…well that was quick but Christ, so fucking worth it. She rested her forehead against her forearm, taking a few deep breaths as she tried to calm herself down, and laughed to herself when she heard Chloe’s muffled voice coming from beneath her blanket. She had gotten so caught up in the moment that she had forgotten that Chloe wasn’t in the room with her. And maybe that had made it even better.

“Did you just…?” Chloe asked as Beca turned the laptop around and looked at her with a sheepish smile on her face. When she nodded, Chloe groaned and softly said “And I didn’t even get to see you. Was it good?”

“Well, not as good as when it’s your hands but yeah, it was pretty okay.  A top five orgasm if we’re ranking it.”

“You’re ridiculous, but I’m happy it was good for you.” Beca smiled at her, feeling almost relieved that Chloe wasn’t upset that it hadn’t lasted long, and Chloe softly admitted “It’s _so_ late.”

Beca looked down at the clock in the top corner of her screen and sighed when she realized that it was almost four in the morning there. Her heart ached when she finally noticed the heavy bags under Chloe’s eyes and softly said “I’m sorry I kept you up so late. Do you still want to? I mean, I don’t want to get off and then just _get off_ of the line with you. I’m not the love ‘em and leave ‘em type.”

“I know you’re a gentleman Bec, but I’ll be fine. It’ll give us something to do tomorrow when I call you again. Now, go clean yourself up. I’ll text you in the morning.”

“I’ll be waiting for it. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

* * *

 

“Did you see that picture Chloe posted yesterday on Instagram of the Eiffel Tower? It’s **so** beautiful. I’ve been bugging my mom to take me to Europe after I graduate but she’d rather get me a car or help me pay for an apartment.”

“Hey, at least your mom is looking out for you. You have plenty of time to travel and you’re definitely going to need a car in this city if you plan on sticking around.” Emily made a face at her, showing her clear disappointment that her friend wasn’t siding with her, and Beca just shrugged as she doused her scrambled eggs with hot sauce. “And yes, I did see the pictures. I’m _so_ glad she’s having an amazing time over there.”

“Someone sounds bitter this morning. You’re missing her, huh?”

“Oh no, I just love having my girlfriend halfway across the world. I should ask you the same thing about Benji. Long distance relationships are stupid, Em. We should be smarter than this.”

“Well, mine won’t be long distance much longer.” When Beca shot her a puzzled look, Emily lifted her left hand up from where it had been resting under the table and smiled brightly as she showed off the tiny diamond ring she had been keeping a secret since Christmas. “Benji gave me pretty much the best Christmas present ever. He’s moving back here and I’m-“

“-You’re getting married?! Oh my God, that’s so awesome. Congratulations!” She stood up from her side of the table and walked around to Emily’s, pulling her in for a tight hug and admiring the ring as Emily beamed. He had really outdone himself and surprisingly, Beca was a little jealous. She was more than happy for her friend but this only made the ache of missing Chloe worsen. They should be moving in this direction instead of watching their friends rush in dizzying circles around them. It wasn’t fair. “When’s the big day?”

“Not until next year at some point, but it’s something to look forward to. And um, don’t tell anyone about this yet. We’re kinda keeping it to ourselves for a little while and slowly telling the important people. You’re the only Bella that knows.” A small smile passed across Beca’s lips as she looked down at her food, momentarily without words as she let Emily’s words sink it. She had never expected to come to college and make long lasting relationships with these weirdo girls, but here she was. She was the one that stuck around and while she might not have thought that way when she was eighteen, maybe it wasn’t so bad to be the permanent one. “Beca, are you okay?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Beca asked before scooping some of her eggs up with a piece of bacon and taking a big bite. “I knew there was a reason I kept you around – you’re my only friend that likes to go out to breakfast.”

“And I’m your only friend that can see when you’re blatantly changing the subject. It’s okay to miss her and it’s okay to be jealous and angry.”

“It just feels dumb, to be jealous of something that isn’t even a thing. I guess I’m…jealous of Europe and those places that she’s visiting and the adventures that she’s having. They pulled her away when I couldn’t make her stay.” She ran her finger around the rim of her mimosa and softly added “She loves traveling the way that I wish she loved me.”

“Beca, you know that’s not true. I know it may feel that way, but she absolutely adores you and one day, once she realizes that she can find the same kind of fulfillment in this city and this country and mostly with you, you’ll never even remember how you’re feeling right now.” She smiled warmly at her before reaching her hand across the table and taking the phone that Beca had been sneaking glances at and pocketing it to her dismay. “I know this also may be hard for you to believe, but I kinda just wanted to have this morning with you and not you and your phone. You can wallow over those pictures later when I’m not around to snap you out of it. Now, let it out. I’m here and I want to hear everything. You’re going to leave here and go home alone to that dog and you can’t keep this stuff inside. I can take it.”

“It’s just not about her, I guess. I’m jealous that she’s doing all of these amazing things that are only going to help her career. Her school is literally holding her spot for her, _again_ , and she loves what she’s doing. And I don’t.” She drained the rest of her drink, thankful that they had decided to go to a place that actually served alcohol in the morning, and looked around for the waitress so she could have another one. She didn’t have these conversations well without alcohol. “I just…I never thought I’d be afraid to do something crazy. I’m the girl that was ready to run off to Los Angeles with flash drives and my sleeping bag, for Christ’s sake, and now look at me. I’m doing the same shit for a little bit more money each year. I helped master Justin Bieber’s new EP last week. I’m fucking committing career suicide.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. And it’s just stupid because I find myself complaining about this over and over and it’s not like I’m doing anything about it.” She paused to thank the waitress as she placed another full wine glass in front of her and Emily just shook her head as she took a long sip from it. “Don’t give me that look, Junk. I’m old and old people drink at breakfast. I’m old and I’m pathetic too because I’ve been thinking a lot lately and the last time that I was **completely** happy with my music was when I was working with the Bellas which was like a million years ago. I mean, there have been some artists that I enjoyed working with and those demos we made together were a blast, but the most pride I had in my music was when I was on the stage with you losers entertaining people. And I didn’t realize how lucky I was in the moment and I didn’t enjoy it the way I should have – the way the rest of you did.”

“Well, what did you like about the Bellas besides having creative control? What makes that music so different than the music that you’re making now?”

“Oh, it was the sequins. I miss them dearly.” Emily sighed at her before stealing a sip of Beca’s drink and Beca just grinned before she added “I think the big thing was that I was performing with my friends. We all kinda had the same goal and we came together to create something that had a purpose. I guess I miss being around likeminded people.”

“You’re smiling.”

“You’re supposed to smile when you reminisce, especially when you’re thinking about something that was special. I don’t have a purpose at work. If I walked out tomorrow they’d find someone else to carry out my boss’s vision and it sucks. I just can’t relate to producing the same EDM songs over and over. There’s no creativity there and it’s killing the part of me that loved producing to begin with.”

“It sounds like you need to figure out what makes you happy and then do it. Take some risks, lose some money, and maybe fall down a couple times but get right back up.” She finished the rest of Beca’s drink and was only met with a playful glare as she placed it back on the table between them. “And most of all, know that you have friends and a girlfriend that will pick you up and support you when you need it. **I** believe in you and I know you’ll figure this all out. That’s not so hard, right?”

“No, I guess it isn’t. And hey, what’s there really to lose?”

“Well…just your car and your house and whatever bills that you have-“

“-I’m never taking you to breakfast again, Legacy. Now, on a scale of Gob Bluth to Houdini, how much magic is this wedding going to have?”

* * *

 

She had never expected it to happen like this. When she had thought about it, in her youth after her parents had divorced and she was wallowing in the unknown, she imagined herself older and stronger than this. She didn’t expect it at twenty-six. She didn’t imagine that she would hear those words over a telephone. And she never thought that she wouldn’t get to say goodbye.

She was painfully aware that her body was shaking as she slowly picked herself off of the floor and lowered herself onto the couch. She had answered the phone after taking Mo for a walk, hanging up her coat and smiling when she saw that her favorite aunt from Seattle was calling. She hadn’t heard from Aunt Beth since Thanksgiving and she was the only relative that she had a really good relationship with. But that soon ended when she was met with tears and soft words that sent her sliding down the wall and gasping for breath as she tried to listen to what was being said to her.

“I’m so sorry, Beca. Your mom’s in the hospital.”

It was all downhill from there. She could barely think straight as Beth sobbed into her ear and murmured things about life support and DNRs and arrangements. And that there was nothing that Beca could do that wasn’t already written down on paper.

She felt helpless. There wouldn’t be time to hop on a plane to say goodbye. There would be no funeral planning. No awful trip to the funeral home to pick out a coffin and then home to find an outfit that would somehow capture a tiny bit of the life that once filled her. She wouldn’t find herself holding back tears in the front row of the church and telling Chloe not to bother coming home, but knowing that she’d be there anyway. There would be no wake with all of her family that would maybe bring her a tiny bit of peace or a few days to go through the house and keep what she wanted before figuring out how exactly she would sell the place.

There was nothing she could do but wait for the call that she was finally gone. Lay in bed while nurses cleaned up her body and removed the tubes and monitors before shipping her off to the funeral home. Drink herself into oblivion while they cremated her mother and fit a lifetime in an urn with tacky praying hands molded into the side.

She couldn’t breathe. It was too late to call Spain and she wasn’t even sure that her words would escape her constricting throat. Mo was sniffing her cheeks, alert and worried about her emotional state, and it only made the tears finally come in aching sobs that shook her entire body and made the screen beneath her fingers impossibly blurry as she tapped out a text to the only person she knew that would understand how to get her through this.

_Beca (11:15 p.m.): My mom’s dying. She had a heart attack and it was bad and she signed papers to not keep her on life support. I don’t know what to do._

_Jesse (11:20 p.m.): I’m walking to my car now. I’m on my way._

* * *

 

It was noon when Chloe heard her phone vibrating against the table in the café where she had been enjoying a quiet lunch by herself. Spain had proven to be insanely beautiful and full of tons of things to look at and do, but sometimes it was nice to just get away and have a few hours to herself. She dropped her fork onto her plate of paella and raised her eyebrows when she saw that the call was coming from Beca’s father. He had only called her once before, when he was trying to figure out what new tech gadget to get Beca for Christmas, and she had a feeling that something was up.

And all it took was hearing that Claire had passed away that morning to send her rushing back to the villa to her computer to start looking for flights back home. There was no way that she could stay here now. Beca needed her.

She knocked gently on Marit’s door and counted her breaths before she called for her to come inside. She hated that she was going to have this conversation and that she would be leaving her friend in a pinch, but she didn’t know what else to do. Warren had sounded exhausted on the phone and had admitted that while Beca was holding it together, he knew that eventually she would break and he had no idea how to care for her. And sure, Jesse had been with her through the night and was helping her make plans and take care of the dog, but she knew that it wasn’t enough. Beca **deserved** more than that and she had to go.

It was time to go home. She couldn’t keep running anymore.

“Chloe, you look like you’re ill. What’s going on?”

“I have to go home.” The look on Marit’s face, a combination of confusion and betrayal, made her heart ache even more than she thought was already possible and she blinked the tears out of her eyes as she sunk onto the bed across from the desk where she was seated. “My um, my girlfriend’s mother died this morning and I have to go and be with her. She doesn’t have the best relationship with her father and she didn’t even get to say goodbye and…I should have been there with her.” The tears building in the back of her throat finally cut off her voice and she shook her head before resting her face in her hands and trying to hide them. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Chloe. I’m just…” Marit trailed off while pulling a Kleenex out of the box on her desk and passing it over to Chloe so she could wipe off her cheeks. “I’m just trying to wrap my head around all of this. I didn’t even know that you were in a relationship. How long have you been together?”

“Since I came back from Guatemala, but we’ve known each other for years. I’ve pretty much been in love with her from the moment I met her.” She could see that Marit still looked surprised whenever she mentioned the pronoun ‘her’ and softly said “I’m sorry I wasn’t forthcoming about her. Or about my sexuality. I just didn’t think-“

“-Don’t ever apologize for who you love. And that wouldn’t have changed anything about our friendship or the trust I have in you. What happened to her? Was it sudden?”

“Yeah, there really was no warning. I guess she had a heart attack and by the time they found her it was too late. She didn’t want to be resuscitated and she was in such bad shape that it didn’t take long. Beca didn’t even get to say goodbye.” She looked down at her lap and added “She wouldn’t have been able to get there in time either, but it’s just hard. She’s alone and I’m here and I’ve been running for way too long. It’s time that I quit wandering and figure out who I am and what I want to be. I’m sorry if that leaves you in a bind.”

“It does, but you need to do whatever you feel necessary for yourself and your relationship. We’ve been here long enough that I think we can manage for a little while longer on our own. And hey, if you still can’t figure out what you want and need to take a break from all of that again, you know where to find me. The offer will always been on the table.” Chloe managed a small smile through her tears and Marit made a soft clucking noise at her while pulling her in for a hug. “Let me buy you a ticket home.”

“Marit, that’s way too much-“

“-You’re family and family takes care of each other. Now, come on. Let’s get you home.”

* * *

 

“Reggie, what are you doing here? I thought you were on bereavement leave.” Beca’s boss, Jason, asked while looking up from his bagel in the breakroom. “You look…I’m sorry about your mom. You should really be at home though. This equipment is way too expensive to get tears on.” Beca made a face at him and he softly said “Too soon, gotcha. But really, why are you here?”

“I was just on my way to the airport and thought I’d stop by to grab some of the stuff I’ve been working on. You can only grieve so much, right?”

“Right…well, let me walk you to your desk. And maybe I can cheer you up because I’ve got some great news that I know you’re going to love.” He handed Beca a bottle of the iced coffee that he usually kept for himself and placed a hand on the small of her back as he led her through the kitchen and to her small workspace. The sudden show of compassion and actual human emotion from her boss bothered Beca a little, but he wasn’t being _horrible_ so she just ignored it. This was supposed to be a quick trip in to grab some stuff to keep her distracted when she took her trip out to Seattle in a few days and then a ride to the airport to pick up Chloe. She didn’t mean to get caught by anyone and she definitely didn’t come here with the intent to talk. Jesse had been a really great listener during the two days that he had spent with her, but now he had gone back to work and it was time for her to suck it up and deal. That didn’t mean pouring her heart out to these people that would pretend to care but really knew nothing about her though. “Ah, here we are! Sit down so we can chat.”

Beca sat behind her desk and fidgeted with the mouse, turning on her monitor and letting a small smile appear at the sight of the picture of her and Chloe from Thanksgiving that was her current wallpaper. They had been **so** happy. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

“So, what’s the big news?” Beca asked while trying to convey a tiny bit of enthusiasm. She sifted through the bin of flash drives on her desk and pulled out a couple that had some unfinished projects on them. It wasn’t like Jason would actually give a shit about whatever she worked on, but it would at least make her feel better to be semi-creative. “I can’t wait to be cheered up.”

“We’ve got a new project starting in a few weeks and I’ve decided that you should be the lead on it. Don’t get too excited, but The Disney Channel is starting to film the first season of a new show and they want us to do the sound production. They’re going to be filming in the city and want to keep everything localized to Atlanta. This could be an amazing opportunity for you.”

“And um, what _exactly_ is this show about? Disney really isn’t my…thing.”

“It’s a remake of The Babysitter’s Club. Except in this one, the kids sing!” He frowned at the anguished look that crossed Beca’s face and said “Come on, you haven’t even given it a chance yet. My guy at the studio thinks that this is going to be their next hit. And I thought you would be perfect for it because it’s kinda like that a ca-whatever stuff you did in college. They want the kids to completely reimagine old songs. Let me show you a storyboard.” He opened up the folder that he had set on Beca’s desk and passed a sheet of cardstock over to her that had a bare-bones sketch of a storyline on it. “Check this out.”

“While babysitting, Claudia accidentally gets distracted and one of her kids leaves the door open. By the time she notices, one of the dogs has gone missing.” Beca shot him a look of disbelief as she read ahead on the paper and softly added “The rest of the kids join her and once they find the pooch, they have a rousing singalong to…Who Let The Dogs Out.” Jason grinned back at her, apparently impressed with the storyline, and she couldn’t stop herself from shaking her head as frustrated tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. She would do a lot of embarrassing musical things, but she wouldn’t do _that_. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“Hey, watch the language! And no, I’m not kidding you. Disney money is just as good as Kate Perry money. You’ve gotta start small before you can ball, Reggie.” Beca huffed while looking around with bleary eyes and starting to gather some of her stuff together. “I’ll tell you what, take a couple days and think about it and I guarantee you’ll be excited to get started on this when you come back.”

“I quit.”

“Whoa, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. No one said anything about quitting and I want you to stay.” He took the storyboard back from Beca and slid it into the folder before closing it and removing it from the desk. “Look, I know this isn’t ideal, but I need someone I can trust on this. And I really want you to stay with the team here. I’ll give you a workspace by a window, more money, anything you want - just name it.”

“Creative control?”

“I could loosen the reins a little and let you have a little more freedom. You’ve just got to promise me that you won’t have a heart attack every time I come to you with a project that you don’t like. We don’t always get to produce what we want.” When Beca’s eyes narrowed at his words and she visibly flinched, he realized that he had screwed up. Badly. “Christ, I didn’t mean it that way.”

“I need a box.”

“Beca, I’m sorry”, Jason apologized while standing up and trying to block her as she gathered up the Polaroids that were thumbtacked to the cork board behind her desk. “Take some time, more than just what we’re giving you to grieve, and come back when you’re really ready. I’ll find someone else to take on this project and I’ll find you something better. In fact, Beach House is doing a new stripped down LP in April and I think you’d be perfect for it.”

“It’s funny that you **finally** called me by my correct name and you only got it right because you don’t want me to leave. And _now_ you’re going to give me the good projects. But I have to leave and I’m sure you wouldn’t understand why, but that’s fine. We’re just not a good fit for each other.” She slipped the pictures into the front pocket of her flannel and shot a small smile at her wallpaper before tapping a few keys and shutting her computer down. “I think it’s time that I moved on. I want to be someone that my mom and my girlfriend would be proud of and mostly…I have to be proud of me too and it’s not gonna happen here. So, I quit.”

* * *

 

“How are you doing, Chlo?” Aubrey asked as she sat down next to her friend on the back porch of Dr. Michell’s house and looked out at the back yard. It had been a beautiful day, but the sun was beginning to set and their friends had just started to say their goodbyes inside. It had been a nice turnout, including all of the Bellas from Beca’s four years of college, and under better circumstances it would have been a reunion to remember but for now they had just wanted to be there for their friend. It was the least they could do. “You missed saying goodbye to Axel. He’s so cute I wish I could take him back home with me. I’m pretty sure though that Amy would kill me. Maybe Beca too because she adores that little guy.” Chloe didn’t respond as she played with the damp wrapper on her Mike’s and Aubrey sighed before placing her own beer next to her on the deck and wrapping an arm around her back. “What’s going on with you, buddy?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine.” She turned Chloe’s face with her fingertips to look her in the eye and frowned when she saw that her cheeks were damp with tears. Facing her best friend only seemed to set Chloe off again and she twisted to turn away from her but Aubrey was too quick and held her tightly. Chloe had been there for her for all of her breakdowns and there was no way that she was letting this slide. “You’ve been crying. And you’re freezing. How long have you been sitting out here?”

“For like three hours”, Chloe mumbled before finishing off the rest of her drink and wrapping her arms around herself to try to keep warm. “It was just too much and I needed some air. Seeing all of you guys come through for her and drop everything just…I’m a terrible person.”

“Hey, that’s my best friend that you’re talking about and she’s **definitely** not terrible. And everyone missed you in there – especially Beca.”

“Please don’t say that to me”, Chloe whimpered before standing up and leaning against the railing as her unshed tears threatened to release themselves again. It has seemed that all she had done since she arrived back in the states was cry. She had broken down when she saw Beca at the airport, had to leave the room when they went to the funeral home in Seattle to pick up the ashes, and turned pretty much every shower into her own private crying session. It was getting old. “I keeping fucking up and I don’t know how to stop. I wanted her for so long and now...”

“I know you did, kiddo. We all did. And you’re not fucking up, not by a long shot.” She stood up and placed a hand on the small of Chloe’s back before kissing the back of her neck and pulling her close. “You’re here right now and that’s all that matters. You dropped everything to come back here and yeah, you weren’t here when she died, but you’re here **now**. And Beca loves you for it.”

“I shouldn’t have been over there in the first place. It was selfish of me to drop my relationship for some dumb little trip. Europe will always be there and Beca…she didn’t want me to go. She was on me constantly and maybe I should’ve listened. She wouldn’t have been alone if I would have stayed.”

“Honey, she would have been alone even if you had stayed. You haven’t lost a parent so you don’t understand, but you could be surrounded by people and still feel like you’re the last person on Earth. You remember what it was like when my dad died and it’s a long, awful process that doesn’t just end when they die. This is just the beginning.” She kissed the top of Chloe’s head and softly said “You’re here for the important stuff now and that’s what matters. But…you have to want to be here.”

“I do. I have to stop running away, Bree. But what if I don’t know how to stay put?”

“I find that hard to believe coming from someone that failed a course three times to stick around for The Bellas. You have something to latch onto this time and that’s how you make it work. You find what keeps you grounded and fight for it.” She took one of Chloe’s hands in hers and softly added “You love her, right?”

“More than anything.”

“Then you have to start owning your life. I know that you’re scared and maybe you always have been, but it’s time to embrace this beautiful thing that you have. You have a great job and a cute dog and that girl that loves you. Some of us are in awe of you and crazy jealous of your life. And maybe that’s proof that this can be enough, you know?” Chloe nodded her head a little and Aubrey said “You have to find what fits here now. Have your adventures around here, maybe come and visit your bestie up in the Carolina woods from time to time, and just enjoy yourself. I believe that you can make this work and I know that **you** know that you can do it too. And it’s time because I think if you ran away one more time you’d be coming home to a lot less than this.”

“I know. And I’m happy to be back. Europe was amazing and I’ll always have it, but seeing all of you guys kinda reminded me of how nice this life can be too.” She smiled at Aubrey and pulled her in for a quick hug before she whispered “Thank you for coming home for Beca. And for me.”

“Hey, it was my pleasure. I love you, _both_ of you, and I need to maybe start visiting more often. Now come on, let’s head inside before everyone leaves and we don’t get to say goodbye.”

* * *

 

“Ya know, my mom told me that she would **never** step foot in my father’s house after he ditched us and here she is sitting on his coffee table.” Beca motioned towards the urn that was sitting in front of her and avoided Chloe’s eyes as her mouth dropped open a little. “I believe her words were ‘over my dead body’. It’s kinda ironic, right?”

Aubrey gripped Chloe’s arm before she slowly rose from the couch and motioned for Stacie to follow suit. She managed a small smile in Beca’s direction as she looked up at their sudden noise and softly said “I think it’s time for us to get going. It’s starting to get late and I have an early flight in the morning. I’m just lucky that this girl is the best host ever.”

Stacie grinned at her and shot Chloe a sly wink before giving Beca a long hug and patting her hair. They were the last to leave and once they walked out the door, Beca knew that everything would change. She would have to have the difficult conversations that she had managed to avoid for a week and actually face the fact that her life would be radically different now. She had never learned how to make her mom’s famous lasagna. There would be no one to have perfect Thanksgivings with. She would never see the woman that Beca would become and the life that she would build. And it hurt. Sometimes so much that she wasn’t sure if she would be able to keep her calm composure and her eyes free from tears, but somehow she did.

It was the hardest thing she had ever had to do.

“I guess the joke was too much?” Beca asked once Chloe gave Aubrey one last kiss on the cheek and closed the door behind them. “ _I_ thought it was funny.”

“Beca…”

“Just stop, I don’t need to hear it. I know it wasn’t funny and I know that you’re sorry and that you’re here for me. I just…”, she trailed off while looking at Chloe with wide, scared eyes. She was on the verge of losing it and as Chloe’s bit her bottom lip and held back her own tears she knew that she had to get out. She had to take a break from all of this. It was too much right now and she couldn’t be taking it out on Chloe like this either. She had been doing enough of that for far too long and it wasn’t fair. “I just need a break from mourning.”

“Let’s get out of here then. We’ll leave Mo with your dad and just get some air. Will you come for a walk with me?” Chloe asked while holding out her hand and giving Beca a tiny smile to show that she wasn’t angry with her. When Beca nodded and took her hand, Chloe pulled her up and said “I’ll get us some jackets, you grab us something to drink, and I’ll meet you outside.”

* * *

 

For a while, they didn’t make a sound and that was okay. Sometimes silence spoke more than sound and it was nice to have Chloe just walking by her side for the first time in months. There was no dog, no family, no well-intentioned friends, or death to weigh down on her. She could just focus on how soft Chloe’s hands were and how good the cold air felt as it entered her mouth in steady breaths. There was no pressure to speak or feel or react at all and it was nice. Jesse had been great, her dad had tried his best, and all of her friends coming to the wake had truly been an amazing surprise, but none of them were Chloe. She just got her, even without saying a word.

“I’ve been wanting to apologize to you”, Beca broke the silence and held Chloe’s hand a little tighter as she slowed up a little. “The way that I was acting towards you, making you feel like a bad person for leaving and having that opportunity, wasn’t right. If I were in that situation and you said some of the stuff that I did I would have been so angry. I guess I just hated to lose you and be alone again, but you didn’t deserve that. I was an ass.”

“Well, you’re _my_ ass so I forgive you. And I shouldn’t have left you, Beca. I’ve just been so afraid that my life is going to pass me by that I thought running was the answer. I should have been here with you.” She placed a soft kiss on the back of Beca’s hand and whispered “I’m so sorry that this all happened. I had no idea that she would…”

“Yeah, me too. I’ve been um, I’ve been blaming myself for it. I keep telling myself that I **knew** that something was wrong back in November and I never pushed her on it. She didn’t look right and I didn’t say a word. How fucked up is that?”

“It’s not, B. She told you that she was tired and that could have been unrelated to what happened to her. I doubt that she would have let something like that just go undetected for five months. If she thought that there was something more serious wrong with her then she would’ve gone to the doctor. You just have to believe that too.” She took Beca’s arm in hers and walked her over to the fence that lined the road. She leaned her thermos of coffee up against one of the posts and sat on the top rail while placing a hand on each of Beca’s cheeks and rubbing them gently. “There was nothing you could have done to save her, Beca. And I know you want to believe that and agonize over that, but it’s the truth. Not everything can be prevented and it wasn’t your fault.”

Beca slowly nodded her head as she tried to accept Chloe’s words as the truth and it was almost like the weight that had been hovering over her finally came crashing down. She couldn’t stop herself from dissolving into tears and Chloe was there immediately, holding her against her chest and soothing her with whispered words and soft strokes of her hand against her hair and her back. It felt so good to finally have someone voice the concern that had been burying into her head and heart since she got that phone call and now that it was out in the open she could begin to try to move on.

It wasn’t her fault.

“Thank you for coming home. I don’t know how I could have done this without you. You…somehow you make me feel like myself again.”

“Well, I’m glad then. There’s no one else I would ever want you to be.” They continued to walk again and Chloe held her close to her side, suddenly needing the contact and the simplicity of their skin touching. And while the silence was lovely and the sound of their shoes crunching against the gravel beneath them was the best song she had heard in months, there were words that she needed to say to make herself feel human again. To rid herself of some of the all-consuming, lingering guilt. “I wish there was something more I could do for you to make this better. If it would help I’d sing you a dumb song or scream with you or tell you a million awful jokes. All you’d have to do is name it and I’d do it.”

“Just stay with me. That’s all I want.”

“Done.”

* * *

 

“Beca, where are we going?” Chloe whined as they walked down what had seemed like the millionth street as they navigated through the East Atlanta Village. Beca normally hated to go to the neighborhood that she had affectionately dubbed Hipsterville but here they were. It was late, her feet were killing her, she would kill for something fried and greasy, and she just wanted to go home. “Seriously, where are you taking me? My feet are going to fall off in these stupid shoes.”

“It’s just one more block, Beale. And before we get there I need you to promise me that you’re not gonna freak out. That you’ll keep your promise and not run away to Europe again because you’re so pissed off at me.”

“That’s not really the best thing to say to someone if you’re trying to surprise them, Bec. Now you have me set up to be either a. really angry or b. freaked out. You know that I hate being surprised and especially when it’s pitch-black in the middle of-“

“-We’re here.”

They stood in front of a small, non-descript brick building that looked like all of the other buildings around it on the block. There was a realtor’s sign in front of the building and what looked like old lettering etched across the big glass window that stretched across almost the entire storefront. If Chloe could try to guess what this place once was, she’d venture that it was a restaurant or old ice cream parlor and could only imagine what in the hell Beca had been thinking by taking her here like this. Clearly she had lost her mind while Chloe had been abroad.

“Which is…?”

“I know that I should have run this by you, but I kinda felt like I needed to do something for my career for once instead of complaining about what I haven’t done. And I had a conversation with Emily last month that has been eating at me ever since. She basically told me that I should find what makes me happy and do it. So, I quit my job.”

“Finally! Baby, that’s a good thing.” She kissed Beca’s cheek as the girl bit her bottom lip and smiled under the lamplight. “I’ve been telling you to do that for years. What’s that Junk girl got that I don’t?”

“Nothing. I just needed to get frustrated enough to do it. But now I need you to please just listen because I understand if you’re going to hate me.” Chloe expression quickly turned to one of deep concern and Beca took both of her hands in her own before she softly said “My mom had some money saved up that will go to me once we settle the will and once my Aunt Beth finishes selling the house I’ll have even more. The only good thing my dad ever really did was help her pay off that mortgage and when it sells I’ll have more than I’ll need for this and enough to get by for a little while. But um…I bought this building or I’m in the process of buying it since I put some money down and started the paperwork. But it’s pretty much mine. It’s…ours.”

“I don’t understand…”

“This is my new recording studio and production company. It’s going to need some work and time to get it production ready since I think it used to be a candy store a few years ago, but I really think it’ll work. I talked to some friends in the industry and artists that I have some connections with and they’re excited for me. Please tell me you’re not freaking out.” She stared up at Chloe’s face and was met only with a strangely calm expression. If anything she looked happy and that was more than she had ever been expecting. “You’re okay?”

“Mm-hmm or at least I’m on the road to being okay. So, tell me about this studio. What’s Beca’s candy shop going to be like?”

“Well, I want to have a place that’s totally independent from any major labels. I only want to make music that feels right to me and comes from a place that isn’t trying to follow the same old formulas to cash in. I just want it to feel real.” She handed Chloe a piece of paper with some names of her artist friends that had expressed interest in recording with her that she had been keeping close to her whenever she needed reassurance and softly said “That’s what I have so far. When I’m not recording, I want it to be a collective environment. I want it to be a place where our friends can hang out and jam and write songs and just bounce ideas off of each other.” She pointed to the upper floors of the building and said “Those used to be apartments but thankfully they’ve already been gutted and that’s where the studios will be. Down here, with these windows and the old bar stools and fixtures inside, will be where we can just hang out and play around and maybe have tiny shows now and then. What do you think?”

“I think that this is the first time that I’ve heard you genuinely excited about music since college and it makes me so happy to have this missing piece back of you. My girl is a businesswoman - that’s so hot!” Beca laughed as Chloe slung an arm around her back and as they started to walk back to her dad’s place Chloe said “So, have you got a name for it yet?”

“Sweet Life Records. I _kinda_ borrowed the name from Emily so maybe I’ll let her record there for free a few times. But it just feels right.”

“It’s beautiful. I’m just sorry that your mom won’t be here to see the amazing things that you do with it.” Beca kissed the side of her head, not wanting to say a word that wouldn’t mean anything in place of the silence, and they kept walking in the dark. “I’m so proud of you.” They had reached another streetlight and Chloe paused to look down at her with love and adoration somehow shining through her eyes and smile. “And I love you.”

Beca felt the breath catch in her throat as the sentiment and the sight of her came crashing down and she had never felt more in love than she did in that moment. “Ya know Beale, the way you’re looking at me right now makes me want to do crazy things. I could sing for the entire neighborhood to hear or go dancing down the street like a maniac. Heck, I could even marry you.”

“Beca…you told me that you didn’t want that kind of thing.” Chloe took a few calming breaths as Beca only smirked back at her. She hated that look. It meant trouble and did crazy things to her insides. It had driven her insane since the moment she first saw it at that dumb activities fair a lifetime ago. “Don’t say something that you’re going to regret in the morning.”

“Maybe I changed my mind. People do that – it’s called growth.” When Chloe quirked an eyebrow at her Beca laughed and said “My mom used to say that to me whenever I was being a dumb, stubborn teenager. I think it was her own version of ‘I told ya so’.”

“So are you asking me to…?”

“Well, maybe. I mean, it wouldn’t be for a very long time because we’ve only really been official for nine months now and that would be insanity, but it also wouldn’t be something terrible to look forward to. It might actually be kinda nice.” As Chloe allowed herself to smile back at her for the first time and shook her head in disbelief, Beca softly added “Besides, I just figured it’s for your own good since chicks are now flirting with me. You’d probably want to lock all of this up. I’m a hot commodity in-“

“-Yes.”

“Seriously?”

“Mm hmm. I could think of nothing better than maybe marrying you a very long time from now. Come here, you old softie.” She pulled Beca in for a tight hug and squeezed her against her body as they stood under the streetlight like no one else in the world mattered. And maybe they didn’t. Maybe once they focused on the melody between them the rest was simply just noise.

“Thank you for coming home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter doubled the word count of the story because sometimes we just have too many ideas and go overboard. It also had ten different cheesy song titles until a Death Cab concert on a perfect Pittsburgh September evening made the choice a simple one.
> 
> The music co-op idea was inspired by Ten out of Tenn which is an awesome Nashville music collective. And the bathtub scene was immensely inspired by the picture (you know which one...) that looks exactly like Beca and Chloe chilling in a tub. It's just nice to look at.


	6. Everything All At Once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca and Chloe discover that sometimes the things you want most in life don't come easy.

* * *

“I’m pretty sure that Benji is going to saw Em in half before this night is over," Beca announced to Chloe as she sat down next to her at their table and placed a dearly needed booze refill in front of her plate. "We've had scarves and card tricks and now fireworks. Just imagine if this place was pet-friendly. He would have pulled rabbits out of his hat and doves from his pockets all while reading the vows."

“Don’t be such a drag, Beca. He’s just setting the bar pretty high for **our** wedding, whenever that may be.” Beca growled at her as she raised her wine glass to her lips and Chloe just smiled. She knew that Beca was nowhere close to being ready to take that next step, but she loved needling her about it. Besides, there was just something so amusing about imagining the girl meeting her at the end of the aisle decked out in a wedding dress as opposed to her reliable wardrobe of skinny jeans and flannel. “ **I** expect fireworks now.”

“Well, if we get out of here I’m sure we can create our own back at the hotel.”

“You do know that I’m still here, right?” Jesse mumbled from his perch across the table from them and tried not to smile when Beca just shrugged. “How bizarre is this? My best bro got married today to a girl he met his last year of school and I’m sitting here with the girl I met in my first year of school and her girlfriend listening to them dirty talk. My life is so strange.”

“Well…you could’ve brought a date. Don’t hate the player.”

“I’m with Jesse on this one Bec – it’s a little bizarre that you’re making passes at me in this roomful of people but you haven’t danced with me once tonight.” Jesse smiled at her as he stole a sip from Beca’s glass of Chardonnay and nodded in agreement. “See? Even your ex agrees with me! I feel slighted, Beca Mitchell.”

“You’re the one that ruined dancing for me with The Bellas so you shouldn’t feel slighted at all. I made a promise to myself after we won Worlds that I would never dance in public again and I’m pleased to say that I haven’t broken that one since. Even if the electric slide is _slightly_ different than flight attendant fingers, a girl has to stand for something.”

“I’ll dance with you,” Jesse offered while holding his hand out for Chloe to take. A guy could only stand being the third wheel for so long and he had some killer wedding dance moves that he had been dying to try out. He hated to admit it but Beca was right; he should have tried a little harder to get a date for this thing. “I mean, only if Beca won’t get jealous that we’re the hottest thing on the dancefloor.”

“Oh no, by all means, dance with my girl. No one puts Chloe in a corner.”

“Hey! You refused to watch that movie with me for-“

“-Come on Jesse, let’s go dance.” Chloe cut him off as his face lit up at the possibility of gushing over one of his all-time favorite movies. Somehow she had managed to spend her entire evening with two people that didn’t know when to shut up and she just wanted to dance. “And don’t get too drunk while we’re gone, Mitchell. I’ll be watching you.”

“Oh, I’m sure.”

* * *

 

“Hey Swanson, do you mind if I cut in?” Beca asked while placing a hand on his back and smoothing down the fancy coattails of his suit jacket. “I hate to break up ‘Dancing with the Aca-Stars’ out here, but you’re kinda showing me up. Besides, I’ve found you a replacement.”

Jesse rolled his eyes as he pulled away from his dancing partner and raised an eyebrow when he saw Beca gesturing at the table that was behind their own. “Aubrey Posen?” He asked while moving so Beca could take Chloe into her arms. “How much have you had to drink tonight?”

“Oh stop it. Sure, she’s been on her phone all night doing work things instead of actually attempting to enjoy herself, but that’s beside the point. You’re handsome, she’s pretty, and you both are too obnoxiously weird to function. It’s a match made in heaven!”

“I hate you.”

"Just go before I drag you over there myself." Jesse huffed at her before walking across the dance floor and over to Aubrey's empty table. And just like Beca had planned, Aubrey seemed to light up at the fact that someone had actually pulled her out of her work bubble and quickly nodded while standing up to join him. "I should get an award for that one."

“I wish you wouldn’t use my best friend as a pawn in your little schemes. But I guess she did look **kinda** happy so I can’t be too annoyed with you.” Beca hummed contentedly while wrapping her arms a little tighter around Chloe and nuzzling her face into her neck. And okay, maybe slow dancing wasn’t _that_ bad. “I thought you were never going to dance again. What made you change your mind?”

“Well, I saw you out here looking gorgeous with my ex-boyfriend’s arms around you and I guess I got kinda jealous.”

“I didn’t know that the self-proclaimed bad ass Beca Mitchell got jealous. I’ll have to remember this moment and use it to my advantage later.” The slow song that had been playing in the background turned into a quick and lively late 90s pop jam and Chloe smiled as Beca stiffened in her arms and stopped dancing altogether. “Come on, tiny dancer. My feet hurt and I want my last memory of this evening being that dance. Walk me back to the hotel.”

* * *

 

The cool air felt nice against their skin as they walked along the outside pathway that led to their hotel. It really wasn't necessary to stay there since Emily had stayed in the city after graduating, but they both liked the idea of getting away for the weekend. There was no dog to worry about or studio business to deal with or homework to grade and it had been great for their relationship. It seemed that they had been so busy for so long that they had simply forgotten to enjoy little things like just taking a walk and drinking in the silence.

And it may have been the combination of too much alcohol and the warmth of Chloe’s hand in hers, but Beca kinda didn’t want this weekend to ever end.

“Hey Beale…,” she trailed off as she suddenly lost her nerve. The night was getting to her and she had grand thoughts inside of her head that were tumbling around like gumballs just waiting to slip past her lips. But when Chloe turned and looked at her with a smirk playing on her lips they all suddenly felt a little less scary. And all she had to do was choose the right one. “Could we maybe talk for a sec?”

Chloe led them over to a lamp that lit the pathway and leaned against it while Beca seemed to fight herself from just spitting out whatever she wanted to say. She refused to look into her eyes and Chloe sighed before squeezing Beca’s hands between her own and moving them to her mouth where she pressed soft kisses against them. And when that didn’t seem to calm her down, Chloe softly teased “Hey, are you breaking up with me? Usually people only announce that they need to talk whenever they have something bad to say. And after the night we’ve had, I can’t really think of anything worse than that.”

“No, sadly you’re stuck with me for a little while longer. I’ve just been…” She trailed off again and as Chloe groaned at her indecisiveness, Beca sunk onto the ground and pulled her knees into her chest for her chin to rest on them. “Christ, I’m glad I wore pants to this thing.”

“Beca, I’m exhausted and-“

“-I’m sorry. It’s just that every time I work myself up to saying it my brain reminds me of how stupid it sounds.”

“I think you should just say what you want to say. I know you pretty well at this point and I’m sure that it’s not stupid.” She sunk onto the ground next to Beca and adjusted the hem of her dress so she wouldn’t flash the entire wedding party while Beca just grinned at her. “And if it **is** stupid then I’m sure it’s not as dumb as sitting in the grass with an expensive dress on. Now, please, spill your guts.”

“Do you know how sometimes we talk about what it would be like if we took the next step?” Chloe nodded silently while creeping her hand across the slight distance between them and taking Beca’s in her own. Somehow she knew that this conversation called for a physical connection. “It’s starting to feel like we’re falling behind.”

“I don’t understand. Are you…not happy with me?”

“Oh, God no.” Beca quickly answered before slipping her hand out of Chloe’s and instead wrapping her arm around her back. “I **love** you. It’s just that seeing Axel running around in his little suit and how tiny Lola’s little nails are and watching the legacy get married has kinda reminded me that we’re starting to slip behind everyone else. And it’s not that I don’t like where we’re at, because believe me I made finishing last place my bitch growing up, but…I want more. I want to keep up. And I know you do too and have been waiting for me to figure out what I want for far too long.”

“Which is?” Chloe asked before placing a kiss on top of Beca’s hair and breathing in the heady combination of floral shampoo and the cigar smoke from her time palling around with the guys outside. “You don’t have to want anything that you’re not ready for. There are things that I’ve wanted since I was a little girl and you don’t have to want them just because I do. I’ve told you this before and I’ll keep saying it – you’re enough for me to wait.”

“And I love you for that, but I think I’m ready to get on board now. Or to at least start thinking about being on board.” Chloe couldn’t stop herself from smiling as she pulled Beca in for a tight hug and somehow the nerves and the heavy thoughts and the awful sinking feeling faded into the background for the first time in days.

“So, my dear, what exactly is it that you want?” Chloe asked when she finally let Beca go. “Did Benji’s festival of magic finally woo you into the idea of making me Mrs. Beca Mitchell?”

“Not exactly. I’m pretty sure that it would take more than a cheesy, magic filled wedding to get me on board with that idea. Besides, I don’t need a ring and an awful white dress to know that you love me.”

“Good. And at this point, after the things that we’ve done together, I’m pretty sure that it’s far too late for me to wear white. They wouldn’t let me in the bridal shop.” Beca finally let herself laugh while blushing, because _yeah_ she definitely had a point, and Chloe couldn’t stop herself from stopping her chuckles with a quick peck. Some things had never changed. “So…what do you want then?”

“I think I would really like the idea of having a baby with you.” Beca bit her lip as Chloe’s eyes instantly filled with tears and she knew how much this had been weighing on the girl. There had been far too many sleepy conversations about what their future kid would be like and moments babysitting Axel when Chloe’s love for the boy would threaten to knock her over. And while it wasn’t like she _didn’t_ want a baby, it had just never seemed like a pressing concern to her. There had still been music to be made and places to de-virginize in the house and their studio that adding another element didn’t fit. And now…it did. It was funny how a weekend of clarity could make everything fall into place. “I’m not promising that I would be a particularly good parent and I’m sure that our baby would eventually end up hating me, but it might be worth a try, ya know? Maybe we could…start looking at those baby books that I know you have hidden in your underwear drawer and talk about it. Maybe look into going to a doctor and stuff. I mean, if it’s still cool with you and-“

“-Yes. It’d definitely still cool with me.” Beca smiled as Chloe wiped her teary eyes with the back of her hand and whispered “I really like the idea of having a baby with you too.”

* * *

 

“Have you ever seen baby shoes before? I swear they’re the most adorable thing in the entire world. They have tiny little ballet flats and dress shoes to go with tiny suits and they even have Chucks. Ha! I knew that would make you smile.”

“What would make me smile is if you would stop rambling about clothes and Halloween costumes and shoes and focus on the road. We can’t have a baby if you kill us on the ride there.” Chloe glared at her from across the front seat of the car and shook her head before focusing back on the road. They were stuck in traffic as per usual and there wasn’t any real danger of causing a fifteen car pile-up, but still. Beca liked to be overprotective. “And I guess the idea of having a little punk baby is appealing to me…”

“Our baby will be a tiny hipster, thank you very much. You and I both know that you would never be caught dead escorting our kid into Hot Topic.” Beca nodded in agreement as she took a sip of the coffee that she had forced Chloe to stop for at the BP a few blocks from their house before they hit the road. It had been a long morning so far and a caffeinated Beca was a happy Beca. “Besides, we’re kinda setting the kid up to be a little different and the least we can do is spare him or her from being emo on top of all of that.”

“Two moms, a dog with separation anxiety, and a godmother that stress projectile vomits – yeah you could say that we’re setting her up.” Chloe laughed as she merged off of the freeway and as she slammed on the brakes to avoid hitting the car that stopped suddenly in front of them, Beca spilled some of her coffee on her shirt and gasped as the heat burnt her skin. “Jesus Christ, are you trying to kill us?!”

“Hey, I can’t control the traffic around here Mitchell. If you want to drive then by all means take over and I’ll sit there and scowl and drink awful gas station coffee.”

“Well, you’re right about the coffee because it is pretty disgusting. Lemme see your purse.” Chloe pulled her purse out from its perch up against the driver’s side door and Beca dug through it until she found a Tide stick and quickly started to dab at the stain that now decorated her nice, smart dress shirt. Someone had to at least look like an adult if they wanted to convince the doctor to take them seriously and now she looked a mess. “Voila! I’m glad that you have Atlanta-proofed your purse for me. I do hope this manages to dry a little bit though or the doctor is going to think that I’m a slob.”

“I’m sure you’ll look great. I’m just so excited! Can you imagine that we could have a baby in less than a year? We’ll get to paint your office and buy little clothes and books and we can have a baby shower and-“

“-There’s no guarantee that this will even work, Chlo. I mean, they’re practically turkey basting you to get you pregnant and I've read too many articles and seen far too many movies where this goes wrong." Chloe's face fell as she pulled up to the traffic light a few blocks away from their doctor's office and looked down at her lap as she considered Beca's grounding words. Sure, she had considered all of these things and had a few sleepless nights worrying about just what they were getting themselves into, but she had kinda wanted to go into this appointment guns blazing and confident that they would come out with a concrete plan. "It's just really expensive and with the studio just getting started and our bills and everything…I don't want you to put all of your hopes into something that could take a long time. It may take multiple attempts and a baby isn't like getting a dog, ya know? We shouldn't get so far ahead of ourselves."

“I know that Beca. I never said it was.” Beca placed a hand gently on her arm as Chloe practically spat the words out at her and Chloe just shook her head as Beca shot her a silent apology for killing their good vibe. “I’m sorry I got snippy with you. I just **really** want this and I love imagining what it will be like with you. And I know it’s expensive and that it might not even work, but I’m willing to go through all of that for this chance. I just need to make sure that you’re on board with me or we’re not going to this doctor’s appointment. We both need to be 100% and if you’re not it’s okay – I would just prefer if you told me now as opposed to when I’m hauling around our mini-Beale.”

“I am. I just want you to be happy and I know that if this doesn’t work it has the potential to really hurt you.” Chloe squeezed her hand as she pulled into the parking garage of the medical complex and Beca sighed as she tried to think of the right thing to say without being too much of a downer. “I just…don’t want to lose you.”

"Beca, you're never going to lose me," Chloe whispered as she put the car into park and turned off the engine. "Baby or no baby, you're kinda stuck with me. And if it doesn't work out and it gets hard, I know that you'll be there for me and that we'll be okay. Now, are you ready to get this show on the road?"

“Yep, let’s go get you knocked up!”

* * *

 

Beca finished taping up the final box of old audio equipment that would find a new home over at the studio and placed it on top of the other boxes that would need transported over before they could begin painting the room. As she leaned against the desk that would need disassembled she couldn’t believe that she had managed to acquire so much stuff in the time since she had moved into Chloe’s house. It really didn’t feel like all that much time had passed but maybe it was the result of the life that they had created together. The days didn’t drag when she had Chloe to help fill her time and she couldn’t imagine accumulating this much stuff with someone else. She had never really felt comfortable and stable when she lived alone or even when she went off to college and didn’t want to tie herself down because it would make it harder when she would eventually leave. Her life was different now and maybe Chloe centered her enough that having four stuffed cardboard boxes of random junk was normal. And maybe she didn’t want it any other way.

“I’m so glad you finally got all of this stuff boxed up, Bec. It’s going to make it so much easier to paint when we’re not maneuvering around turntables and speakers and whatever else you managed to bring home from yard sales.”

“Hey, I found some pretty good shit thank you very much.” She crossed the short distance between her perch and Chloe’s position leaning against the doorjamb and placed a short kiss on her lips before pulling back and taking her hands in her own. “Besides, it’ll be nice to actually keep my work stuff at work where it belongs. And maybe we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves painting this early, but you can never be too prepared.”

“Ten weeks is plenty early for me, my dear. Now, check out these paint samples that I picked up at the hardware store and tell me what you think.” She pulled two strips of color samples out of her purse and held one in each hand in front of Beca’s face. When the girl simply rolled her eyes Chloe grinned and said “Blue or pink?”

“You know that I hate gender specific paint. Boy or girl, I’m not giving our kid a baby blue or bright pink nursery. It’s going to be a pretty cool baby, considering who it’s coming from, and it should have an equally cool bedroom.”

“Well, I can’t be swayed so I’m just going to leave you alone with these while I go get started on dinner. It’s taco Tuesday!” As she walked away Beca spotted another paint sample tucked into the back pocket of her jeans and caught up with her to slyly slip it out and cop a generous feel before Chloe had time to react. “Rebecca Mitchell! You’re a little thief.”

“You were holding out on me, Beale. I can’t believe I’m having a baby with a trickster.” She looked down at the light green paint sample in her hands and then looked back up at the walls that surrounded them and it just kinda fit. She could imagine late night feedings and singing to their baby in a rocking chair and just watching Chloe fall in love over and over under that color. It was perfect.

“Do you like it?” Chloe whispered while wrapping her arms loosely around Beca’s back and pulling her a little closer. “It felt like us.”

And as the familiar scent of cinnamon bubble gum and pear body wash overtook her, Beca only held her tighter and kissed her while turning off the light and leading them out of the room. She wanted to preserve the moment that they were having without the clutter and mess to taint it. It was the first time that the whole idea felt comfortable and almost familiar to her and she wanted to remember it like this, with Chloe’s weight resting against her chest and the dog’s feet padding along the floor upstairs while a early fall storm started to brew outside.

“It’s perfect.”

* * *

 

“Aubrey?” Beca’s voice seemed a mile away as Aubrey picked up her phone in the middle of the night and groggily sat up in her bed. “I’m sorry to call you this late but I didn’t know…”

“Beca, it’s four in the morning. What’s going on?” The only reply she got was the sound of soft sniffling and her blood ran cold as she reached out to turn on the bedside lamp suddenly wide awake. “Hey, you’re crying. Are you okay?”

“It’s Chloe. She’s been bleeding all night and she’s crying and I didn’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should take her to the hospital or call our doctor or her mom and it’s so late and I just-“

“-Beca, slow down and breathe. I’m sure she’s okay.” She put her phone on speaker and started to dig through her dresser for a comfortable outfit in case she needed to drive down to Atlanta to be with her friend. “Now, tell me everything that happened tonight and let’s try to figure it out before you do anything. Maybe she’s just having a bad period or something like that.”

“We’re pregnant. The first treatment we had took and she’s only like eleven weeks along so we didn’t tell anyone. It was supposed to be a surprise for the holidays.” Beca heard Aubrey gasp softly and she couldn’t stop the tears that she thought she had under control from sliding down her cheeks as she started to pace. “Oh fuck, Aubrey. We’re losing the baby, aren’t we? I know she shouldn’t be bleeding this much and she’s having really bad cramps. I don’t…I don’t know what to do. What do I do, Bree?”

Aubrey felt tears spring to her eyes at how young Beca sounded as she used one of Chloe's nicknames for her and swiped a hand over her sleep-heavy eyes while looking for her shoes. "It's probably too late to call her doctor, but you should call the hospital and see if you need to bring her in. They might need to run tests to confirm that she…," she trailed off knowing that saying those words would just make Beca more frantic than she already was and that she needed her as calm as possible. "They'll just need to check her out and make sure that it's nothing. Go and be with her and I'm going to head out now so I'll be there as soon as I can."

“Aubrey you don’t have to-“

“-Hey, my best friend is having a baby and I want to be there with you guys. Now, call the hospital and then go and hold her hand and tell her that everything is going to be okay.”

* * *

 

She hated this. She hated the sound of Chloe’s tears and Aubrey’s soft murmurs as they edged under the closed bedroom door and crept down the hallway. They made her heart clench in her chest and tears fill her eyes as she tried so hard not to cry again. She had to be the strong one right now because _she_ didn’t go through the pain and the nightmare of feeling their baby slip away.

And it hurt that she couldn’t be in that room with Chloe, but to keep herself sane she had to keep her distance right now and thankfully she had Aubrey to help with that. She never thought she’d say it, but she wouldn’t know what she’d do without that girl. She had been the one that had stripped the bed of the bloody sheets before they came home and had made sure that neither of them had to worry about preparing meals or searching for pain medication. She had handled calling them both off from work and had been a shoulder for both of them when they couldn’t help breaking down.

It just…hurt. And she didn’t understand how something that had only been theirs for such a fleeting time of their lives could cut this deep into her heart.

“That wall’s not going to paint itself, Bec.” Jesse’s voice broke through her racing thoughts and she rolled her eyes at him while sinking onto the rocking chair that was wedged into the corner of the room. He had changed into ratty jeans and had a paint can in one hand and several brushes and rollers in the other. **This** was supposed to be a joyous occasion and now all she wanted to do was run, but she was pretty sure that he would keep finding her and pulling her back in here. He had always been good at getting her to own up to her life and be present. He was the best kind of friend. “Here, grab these brushes while I pour some of this paint into a tray. This room is pretty small so this shouldn’t take too long.”

She took the brushes from his hands and placed them in a neat row on the tarp-covered floor while he kneeled to open the can of paint. She bit her lip as the lid popped off and tried not to smile when he cursed at the paint splashing onto his hands. She had been lucky to have him here to take care of the tricky details like covering up the carpet and taping off the ceiling and baseboards. He had wordlessly pulled her into a hug a few hours after they had returned and whispered how sorry he was and that had been enough. She didn't need to say how she was feeling and he didn't need any direction to take care of the little things to make this easier.

She watched as he slowly started to paint the wall, rolling long strokes onto the wall and carefully covering the neutral paint below. He didn’t want to have to go over it a million times and she was grateful, not knowing how long she would be able to stand being in this space. This wasn’t her room anymore but it wasn’t their child’s either. It was nothing.

“Jesse…,” she trailed off, suddenly unsure of herself. She needed to turn her head off for five minutes because her cycling thoughts were just making her more and more upset. “I don’t think I can do this.”

He finished up his stroke and placed his roller into the paint tray before turning around and sizing her up. She could see a ripple of emotions roll over his face as he looked at her, but he bit his lip and refused to show it. She hated that he was holding back, but she wasn’t entirely sure what she would do if he started to cry. She wouldn’t be able to comfort him and would only feel worse. She had experienced that when they came home from the hospital and Aubrey had broken down into tears upon taking one look at Chloe. She had been terribly embarrassed later when she looked back on herself leaving Chloe in the kitchen with Aubrey and slinking back into her own room to sulk and work. It had been one of the lowest moments of her life.

“You can’t leave it like this, Bec. You’ve got practically one green wall now and we can’t stop now that we’ve started. It would look stupid and I’m sure that Chloe would flip her lid.” Beca managed a small smile and Jesse grinned before moving forward and wrapping his arms around her. “I think that Aubrey would have our heads too.”

Beca allowed herself to chuckle for the first time in what had seemed like a lifetime and Jesse only hugged her harder while stroking her back. Despite their relationship having ended years ago, he still knew the best ways to take care of her. That was something that you could never forget.

“There’s my girl. I’ve missed hearing that sound.”

“I haven’t had much to laugh about, Swanson.” He stiffened in her arms and slowly pulled away with a blank expression on his face, like he was sure she was about to fire away at him. But she wouldn’t do that - not now at least. She loved him too much to attack him when he was just trying to help. She had grown so much. “Ya know, I had painted this wall a million years ago before Chloe came home from Guatemala. It had been kinda part of the deal - I could live here and pay minimal rent but I had to take care of the place and do whatever tasks and errands she cooked up for me while she was away. She would let me use the spare room as an office, but I had to make it less of a...blank space because she would be using it too when she got back.”

“Sounds like a good idea. And I’m sure that you loved every minute of being a ‘housewife’ since we know how handy you are.” Beca laughed loudly before remembering that Chloe was upset just down the hall and cutting it short. Jesse noticed though - he noticed everything. “You’re allowed to laugh Beca. I know that it hurts now and that it’s going to hurt for a long time, but you can’t just stop living. She wouldn’t want that.”

“I know.” She swiped an errant tear from her cheeks that was leftover from her earlier crying spell and sunk onto the floor, leaning against a clean wall as he rolled his eyes a little and continued to paint. “So, I put painting this room off because I **hate** painting. It’s hard when you’re short because you have to dig out a ladder and then you have to stand on it forever and don’t even get me started on taping the walls and shit. But I rushed through it because I knew she’d be pissed if she came home to a white room after giving me ample opportunity to get it done. And that, my friend, is why there is a big splotch of taupe paint on the ceiling. But she has never noticed it so this is a secret between you and me.”

"Wow, Beca, way to be in it to win it." She laughed before rolling to her feet and grabbing her own paintbrush to help him. He usually would make a snarky comment, but this was a big moment for her and he let it pass. "And knowing Chloe, I'm sure that she noticed it and never said a word. When you're in love you overlook a lot of shortcomings." He tried not to laugh as she scowled at him and lunged forward, swiping her brush across his clean arms.

She let herself laugh as he shook his head at her and turned back to his wall, wanting to keep the paint where it belonged. And after a moment of composing herself and letting his words about Chloe run through her and fill her up with some kind of warmth again, she joined him at the wall and together they worked on knocking it down.

After two hours they had completed putting two coats of paint onto the walls and stood back together to admire their handiwork. At first, Beca didn't know quite what to say, but as Jesse placed a hand on her back and squeezed it gently she couldn't stop them from rolling off of her lips.

“It’s insanity that we’re standing here together in my son or daughter’s future room. Isn’t it nuts?” He simply shrugged while turning her around to face him and she gave him a wry smile before softly saying “I never thought that this would be my life. I thought I’d be in LA, with millions of dollars and big fantastic parties to DJ at every night. I thought I’d be the next David Guetta or Zedd, but here I am in the suburbs painting my old office for a child I may never have while worrying about keeping my studio open and my girlfriend from bolting on me. And…”

She trailed off as her emotions overtook her and clouded her eyes. He bit his own lip as he felt the burn of the tears he had been shaking off start again in the back of his throat. And maybe he wasn’t being the best friend by holding back when he knew that he’d want her to feel comfortable to cry and scream and let it all out, but he couldn’t let that final barrier down. Aubrey had called him down here to be strong and that was exactly what he would be for them. “And what Beca?”

“And I never thought that I would be so happy with not having my dream. I didn’t think that I would be able to forget all of that and replace it with these things that are so much smaller but still great in their own way. I love the domestic bullshit that I swore I’d never want when I was a kid and now this...it’s just not like it was supposed to be.” She finally let herself start to cry and as he enveloped her in his arms she softly whispered “This wasn’t supposed to happen like this. It’s not how I thought it would be.”

“Nothing ever is, my friend.” She sniffled into his shirt as she tried to calm herself down and he brushed down her messy hair carefully with the fingers that weren’t covered in paint. He could feel her starting to shift in his arms to pull away and he reached out for her hand, leading her to the door before reaching in to turn off the light. “I’ll clean up in there later. Let’s go get you cleaned up and then I’m going to take Aubrey for a drive and we’ll pick up Chloe’s favorite kind of pizza. It’ll be nice to give you two a little time to yourselves. Okay?”

“Okay.”

They were the best friends she had ever had.

* * *

 

“Hey you,” Beca whispered as Chloe finally opened her eyes after sleeping for what had seemed like hours. “How you feeling?”

Chloe rolled a little closer to Beca, craving her warmth, and nuzzled her forehead into her shoulder before she said “A little better. Where did Bree go?”

“She and Jesse decided to take a little drive and pick up some pizza for us. I figured that you wouldn't really have much of an appetite, but once you do we'll have something you love. I don't know how I feel about the two of them hanging out, but I'm glad to have a little time with you before they come back." Chloe just smiled while reaching for a hand to hold and Beca said "What are we going to do if they **really** like each other and start dating?”

“ _We’re_ not going to do anything, my dear. You’re the one that forced Jesse to dance with her and maybe there was a spark or something from that. You’re a little matchmaker!”

"Don't even say another word about it. I may have to throw up and neither of us will enjoy that very much." Chloe chuckled softly while blinking her sleep-heavy eyes and Beca knew that she wouldn't have her awake for much longer. "You should close your eyes if you're sleepy. I'll take care of them when they come back."

“I’m sorry - I’m just so tired. I think it’s the painkillers they have me on.” She squeezed Beca’s hand with as much strength as she could muster before she softly said “I’m sorry for putting you through all of this. It was a stupid idea.”

“Hey, it was a terrific idea. We just have to keep trying.” She gave her a tiny smile to try to reassure her and wrapped her arm around her back to tug her a little closer. “Tell me a story. Tell me about your adventures in Guatemala. I wanna keep you awake a little longer.”

“It was a lot of fun. I hung out with Flo a lot and went clubbing and to these amazing restaurants. We went to the beach a lot and tried sailing and diving a couple times. One time we even went diving into a volcano. I can’t wait to take you there one day.”

“It sounds amazing.”

“It really is. I-,” a whimper of pain cut her off and Beca gave her a little space as she held her hands to her abdomen and breathed through the cramp. “I hate this.”

“I remember when I got my first period. I was twelve and completely freaked out and in pain. And I think subconsciously I knew what was happening, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I wanted to keep being a kid for just a little bit longer.” She swiped a piece of hair away from Chloe’s pale brow and said “Was what happened to you and the baby like that? It’s the only frame of reference I have.”

Chloe managed a small wistful smile and whispered “Yeah, a little.”

Beca knew that she was hiding the truth from her and trying to make it a little less awful for both of them, but didn’t say another word about it. There was no point in bringing up something that was still too raw to talk about without reliving painful feelings and making everything just a little bit worse. They would have plenty of time to reflect when the time was right.

“Get some sleep, Chlo. I’ll be here when you wake up - I promise.” Chloe nodded a little and closed her eyes, breathing heavily against her neck as the sleep quickly came and took her away. “I’m so sorry this happened to you. That I did this to you.”

“Bec…?” Chloe groggily trailed off and Beca silenced her with a finger pressed lightly to her lips.

“It’s nothing. Go to sleep. I love you.”

* * *

 

“Beca? Is now a bad time?” Beca winced as Aubrey Posen’s voice came over the line and briefly thought about pretending to have the call cut off but decided to just suck it up and deal. If they didn’t talk now then she would just call later. She **knew** Aubrey. “I can call back if you’re busy with-”

“-It’s fine. I’m practically my own boss so I can be free whenever. I’m sure you know all about that though.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely a perk. So...how is Chloe doing?”

“She’s doing a bit better. She just had her first day back at work. Her school only gives a couple personal days, but thankfully she had a doctor’s excuse.” She finished sending off an email to a concert promoter and wrinkled her nose as she digested Aubrey’s words. Aubrey talked to Chloe practically every day. There was no way that she wouldn't have already known that. “I know that you talked to Chloe last night, so if this is your idea of small talk it’s not working. What do you _really_ want?”

“I wanted to ask you about Jesse and if maybe you had his...phone number.”

“His what?!”

“We had talked about him maybe coming out to visit the camp when he has a free weekend, but he forgot to give me his phone number.” When Beca didn’t respond, Aubrey sighed heavily in her ear and said “I don’t want to sext him, if that’s what you’re thinking. He is just a potential client and I’d love to show him around to see if this is something him and his colleagues would enjoy.”

“He works with like two other guys and they’re practically best friends so I don’t think he wants to come out to scope out the place. Which makes me giving you his cell phone number a very risky proposition. You’re Chloe’s best friend and he’s my best friend and if something happened between you two it would put both of us in a weird situation.” She paused for a moment, looking down at the photo of Chloe on her desk and knowing that if she didn’t give Aubrey the number Chloe would probably give her the silent treatment. And besides the threat of that, she couldn't really think of any other reasons to withhold it. They deserved to be happy and who was she to stop that? "Will you promise not to make this weird?"

“I aca-promise that things will be 100% not-weird.”

“You already broke it, Posen. Gimme a minute and I’ll text it to you, okay?” She could hear Aubrey hum happily in response and she rolled her eyes before saying “I’ll tell Chlo the good news. Later!”

* * *

 

“Chloe, open this door.” She knocked on the bathroom door for the thousandth time and rolled her eyes when Chloe still refused to open up. She had been fighting to get her out of there since she had received a phone call from Chloe’s work telling her to come pick her up and watched in confusion when she got out of the car and barricaded herself behind the thick oak door. "I swear if you don't open this door at the count of three I'm going to break it down." She could hear Chloe chuckle softly behind the door and sighed before twisting the doorknob a little and softly saying "Come on Chlo. I'm trying here."

She leaned against the door and closed her eyes as she prepared herself to wait this out. From what the principal had said, one of her colleagues had found Chloe crying in the breakroom after the winter chorus concert and they didn’t feel comfortable letting her go back to work considering what was going on with them. To her, it wasn’t that big of a deal. It had only been six weeks since the miscarriage and Chloe had every right to be emotional and whatnot. It just wasn’t something to lock yourself in a bathroom about, especially considering how understanding her boss had been about it. She knew that Chloe was probably terribly embarrassed about it, but that didn’t mean that she had to hide from her too.

After another minute Chloe finally opened the door and tried not to smile when Beca almost toppled backward when it was abruptly pulled out from behind her. Beca was up in an instant though and reached out to touch her arm, staring into her eyes and frowning at her streaked make-up and flushed cheeks.

“Can we talk?” Beca asked softly while inching her way into the small bathroom to stop her from closing the door again. “We don’t even have to talk about what happened or whatever. I just can’t stand sitting out here by myself when you’re upset.”

“Step into my office.” Beca bit back a chuckle as Chloe slinked back into the room and sunk onto the floor in front of the tub, patting the space in front of her that was barely big enough for a child, let alone a small human. “I’m sorry that you had to leave work early. I know you’ve been busy working on stuff lately. I asked Dan not to call, but he wouldn’t listen to me. He just kept getting me coffee and candy from the vending machine and told me that it would make me feel better. I think he just wanted to keep me from having a nervous breakdown or something. I’m sure it’s a liability to allow mentally unstable women to be in the classroom.”

"First of all, you're not unstable. You're...mentally frazzled." Beca groaned as she tried to gracefully fit herself into the space between the wall and Chloe, but couldn't make herself fit no matter how hard she tried to bend her knees into her chest. She finally gave up and spread her legs widely, placing each leg on the side of one of Chloe's to make them fit. "God, this looks classy. Jesus Christ, don’t take a picture!”

Chloe just smiled as she snapped a quick pic of the awkward position and posted it to her Instagram with a flirty comment. She knew that Beca would hassle her about it later and that she’d probably relent and eventually delete it, but they needed this right now. It was nice to just laugh and play around and act like everything was normal.

“So...what happened today?”

“It wasn’t as serious as he made it out to be. He was acting like the world was ending.” Beca just shrugged, not wanting to fight with the girl as she obviously tried to downplay what had happened to her, and motioned with her hand to continue talking. “I was fine, ya know? I’ve **been** fine around the kids and I’ve been holding it together. But today...it hurt. There were all these mothers there watching their kids and they were so young and I dunno, I just felt ancient. It made me feel like maybe I had waited too long to start this.”

“Chloe, you just turned thirty last week. I know you’re going to keep blaming yourself no matter what the doctor and everyone tells you, but I **promise** that you’re not too old to have our baby. You seem to forget that my dad had Addie when I was almost sixteen years old and _he’s_ ancient.” Chloe just nodded as she squeezed the bridge of her nose between her fingers to hold back her tears and Beca whispered “It wasn’t your fault, Chlo. Maybe it just wasn’t the right time for us. We can keep trying and preparing and when we have our kid we’re going to be the best moms ever. I aca-promise.”

Chloe laughed at her subtle imitation of Aubrey and reached out for her hand, squeezing it before raising it to her lips and pressing them to it. “I love you so much, but that’s contingent on you promising not to sound like my best friend. We’ll never have a sex life again.” It was Beca’s turn to laugh and her cheeks turned red as Chloe said “Oh Chloe, don’t stop! I’m aca-coming!”

“Oh. My. God.” Beca deadpanned before covering Chloe’s mouth with her hand to stop her from permanently giving her brain damage. There was no going back from imagining Aubrey Posen infusing her sex life with acapella. “If you ever do that again I’m going to take my ring back and call this whole thing off. You can find a new girlfriend.”

“If there was a ring!”

“Hey, stop being mean to me. It’s hard finding the perfect diamond for such a princess.” Chloe beamed at her and Beca contemplated going up to their bedroom and retrieving the engagement ring that was stashed inside of a box high in the closet but decided against it. It was supposed to be Chloe's Christmas present this year but now didn't seem like the right time. She didn't want the girl to think that she was only giving it to her now that they had gone through heartbreak together. She wanted it to be perfect. 

"I'm just so embarrassed." A small smile played on Chloe's lips as she wrung her hands together and softly added "I don't wanna go to work on Monday. Facing them and knowing that they know about what happened with us and that I'm still working through it is just gonna make things worse. They'll try to help me and coddle me and I don't want that."

“Don’t go to work on Monday then. We’ll have a nice long weekend and it’ll be just like old times. I may even take you out on a hot date.”  She felt a swell of warmth settle in her chest as Chloe dried her eyes and took a few calming breaths. Her cheeks had a tint of pink to them as her face started to light up again and she allowed herself to think about something other than work. “Besides, I have something to tell you that will **definitely** take your mind off of this stuff.” Chloe raised an eyebrow and Beca couldn’t stop herself from laughing as she said “Jesse is going to visit Aubrey out at her retreat. She called me a week ago asking for his cell phone number and he agreed. And then, the other night when we met for a couple beers after work, he broke down and told me that he has a little crush on her. And now the world is officially ending.”

“That’s _so_ cute!” Chloe squealed as Beca pretended to not hear what she had just said. She had wanted Aubrey to find a nice guy for a while now and Jesse definitely fit that description. The fact that he had once been a Treble made it only sweeter. “Oh, stop being such a grouch. He’s been particularly moody since he moved back here and it’ll be nice for him to have someone on the same level of… unique as him.”

Beca just grinned, knowing that Chloe _did_ have a point, and reached for her hands again to hold. She threaded their fingers together and flexed them gently into fists as Chloe stared back at her, her eyes slowly filling back up with tears. And she knew that their playful banter had been only a front and that Chloe was upset still and she knew, that as painful as it would be, she needed to push her further. There was no point in acting like they were okay when they weren’t.

She just didn’t expect Chloe to be the one to speak first.

"It's not enough for me to just have those kids at school anymore. And for so long it was, but now that I've gotten a taste of how this could be with us...I don't think I can let it go." Beca nodded slowly while closing her eyes, wanting to choose her words carefully to avoid having a huge blowout with her, and Chloe stroked her fingers gently before moving her arm back to wrap it around her knees that were tucked tightly beneath her chin. “And I’m sorry for being upset and for talking like this when I know you don’t want to, but I can’t not say it anymore.”

“I know and it’s not that I don’t, I just...I feel **guilty**. I’m so fucking guilty all the time and sometimes it’s all I can think of.” Chloe’s forehead tensed as she tried to understand what Beca was saying to her and Beca softly added “I just never saw myself carrying a baby before. Growing up I never pictured myself with a big belly and picking out names. I never even considered the possibility of being a parent. And, even after all of this, I don’t know if I can see myself having _our_ baby.”

“But...what if I can’t, Beca?”

“We don’t know that, Chlo. The doctor didn’t say that there was anything wrong with _you_.”

The silence overtook them for a while and Beca could barely stand to look at Chloe. She looked like she was fighting herself from saying what she was really thinking and Beca was grateful because she was sure that it wasn’t pretty. And every word that played on her tongue and threatened to escape from her mouth sounded idiotic in her mind, so she was better off just keeping them to herself. But sometimes the heart was more important than the head and she knew that she needed to say what she wanted and why she wanted it, or it would eat at her and tear them further apart.

She had grown so much.

“I can’t do this for us now, with my career just starting to take off. We have that Blind Pilot thing coming out next month and Katie Toupin will be in here soon to start recording. And then there’s… well, my own album that’s not _as_ important but I can’t just keep putting it aside or it’ll be outdated.” Chloe simply nodded while playing with a loose strand from the bathmat and Beca closed her eyes, knowing that she was digging herself into a hole that Chloe was trying to understand but would be hard for either of them to escape from if she kept going. “I know it’s selfish, and maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling so guilty lately, but I have to give myself a chance. The studio and this company are for us and our future and I just want to wait this out now that we’re starting to get some traction.”

“You deserve the opportunity to live your dream, Beca. And while having a baby and a family with you is my dream, we don’t have to rush.” Beca looked up at her with tears shining in her eyes and Chloe stroked her cheek gently before she said “I love you and I want to do all of this with you. We’ll just have to figure out the best way to put the pieces together.”

“It’s not only that, ya know?” Beca could barely get the words out as she started to full-on cry now and Chloe’s mouth dropped open a little at the sight, but she quickly pulled herself together and held her to her chest. She was always shocked every time that Beca cried because it was so unlike her, but it was almost refreshing to see her having some kind of emotions about this whole thing. She had worried since they came home from the hospital that Beca would hold this in and bury herself in work and thankfully, even if it led to restless nights and soaked t-shirts, she was actually letting herself feel. “When I was a baby my mom and dad called me Little Bear. I was **so** grumpy and I never smiled or anything. Every time they would pick me up to feed me or whatever I would start howling. I know they were joking, but dad said that he had even considered changing my name.”

“I’m glad they didn't." Chloe chuckled softly and wiped an errant tear from her cheek before replacing her thumb with a brief kiss. "I've kinda gotten used to Beca."

“I can’t do this without her, Chlo. I don’t think I could carry our baby without her…I…”

“I know,” Chloe whispered while pulling her back into her arms to stifle her tears. “I’ll just keep trying. **We’ll** keep trying. It’ll be okay.”

* * *

 

"What are you looking at?" Chloe whispered into Beca's ear, smiling a little as she startled at the interruption. Beca spun around slowly in the desk chair and reached for Chloe’s free hand to bring to her lips. "I thought you weren't going to work on the weekends anymore?"

"I'm not, I just woke up to this e-mail from the pressing company for my LP and I would have gone crazy if I waited until Monday. Check it out." She scooted a little to the left and let Chloe look the screen. And she couldn't stop herself from breaking into a smile when the girl squealed a little at the sight.

"Beca, this is amazing! You're actually going to have your own record and there are so many _cute_ colors you could choose from. Look at this one," she pointed at a glitter option and dodged Beca's quick fingers that reached for the mouse to navigate from the page. "You should make it special. It's not every day that you get to listen to yourself on a record player."

"I guess, it's just so fucking expensive," Beca mumbled while scrolling through a couple of the options. She had been waiting for this moment for years and she loved the fancy options that were available to her, but it wouldn't be worth it to spend that kind of money on it. She had a future to plan for and while this fleeting passion project had been a long time coming, it wasn't the final destination. "And besides, I'm only printing like a hundred and most of those are going to family and friends so it doesn't make a difference. I'm just happy to have this done and the secret satisfaction that we'll already have presents for the Bellas this Christmas once they arrive. You're lucky to have such a vain and diabolical girlfriend."

"Well, I like them." Chloe pulled the chair back a little and eased herself down onto Beca's lap.

"Oof!" Beca yelped softly before wrapping an arm around her back and tugging her a little closer. "If I would've known I'd have a beautiful, wet girl in my lap this morning I would have gotten up at the crack of dawn. We've just got to get rid of that towel."

“Not until we pick a fancy color for your record. Look how nice that blue one is.” Beca rolled her eyes as she stopped fidgeting with the corners of Chloe’s towel and looked back at the screen. “I think it would be super cute. Or…maybe you could choose that pink one right below it. That’s a **very** nice option as well.”

Beca froze as she felt her entire body seize up and she minimized her browser as Chloe crawled off of her lap and sat in front of her on the edge of the desk. And she could tell by the way that she was smiling at her that this was _it_. It was happening for them again and she didn’t quite know how to feel. She wanted to be happy because this is all that Chloe had wanted for the past few months, but there was an ache inside of her for this joy to last longer than just a few fleeting days and she couldn’t buy into it quite yet. She got too excited the last time and the fall-out was almost too much to bear.

She couldn’t lose herself in this again.  

“Chloe…just please stop. It doesn’t matter what color the vinyl is and there are more colors than just those two.” She stood up from the desk chair and shrugged Chloe’s outstretched hand off of her arm as she tried to get away. “I can’t talk about this anymore. It doesn’t matter.”

"Beca, you can't just walk away from me. We have to talk about this. It's amazing – not something that you need to run from. Please don't leave." Beca froze in the archway between their living room and kitchen and gripped it so hard that her knuckles turned white. "I need to tell you something-"

“-I don’t want to hear it. Not right now, not like this, not when we’re supposed to be doing something we’ve been working on forever. I can’t…if it happens again I’ll never be happy about this. It will always be a terrible memory and I just want to celebrate this with you right now.”

Chloe looked down at her shaking hands and peeled back a little of the nail polish from her thumb as she fought with herself about what to say next. She had been fighting with herself for a week about the best way to break the news to Beca and it had seemed like the perfect moment. She had a really good feeling about this time and she couldn’t imagine anything better than celebrating two moments that had been a long time coming at once. Evidently, she had been wrong and it burnt deep down in her chest as she watched Beca playing with the molding on the archway and trying to avoid her eyes.

“I know you want to pretend that you don’t know what I’m talking about, but I can’t,” Chloe whispered while standing up and approaching her slowly. “We **need** to talk about this because I can’t keep it in any longer. Pretending this isn’t happening won’t do either of us any good.”

“Chlo…”

Chloe took the last tentative steps forward and slowly opened her towel to reveal her bare body. She gave Beca a small, wry smile when she caught her biting her lip and reached out for her hands while letting the towel drop to the floor at her feet. She felt something catch in her throat as she guided Beca’s hands to her belly, but didn’t dare say a word. She needed to know that Beca was present and that only came with her acknowledging that **this** was happening. That she wanted this and wasn’t checking out. That she wasn’t alone.

“How far along are we?”

“We’re nine weeks. I went to the doctor on Monday after I missed my period again." Beca nodded as she looked down at their joined hands and fought back the smile that was playing on her lips. "I was having a little morning sickness and I couldn't fit into my bra, so I figured that something was up. I'm a little surprised that you didn't notice though – being a boob girl and all."

“Hey, not in front of the peanut.” Beca felt her throat burn from unshed tears when Chloe allowed her face to finally break into a happy smile and she closed her eyes for a moment, letting it all sink in. When she opened them again Chloe was watching her intently and she slowly stroked her thumbs over her tiny belly before guiding her hands up and letting them rest on Chloe’s breasts. “Are you okay?”

“I’ve never been better.” Beca quirked an eyebrow at her and Chloe knew that she wasn’t buying it for a second. She knew her **so** well. “I’m alright, Bec. I’m just taking it moment by moment and trying to enjoy it.”

“So…no running out for paint samples and making out our registry?”

“No, this time all of that can wait for a while. This is just for us right now." She allowed Beca to envelop her in her arms and held onto her tightly as they stood together for several long, comforting moments. And when the time felt right, Chloe softly whispered “Are you going to rethink that vinyl now, my dear?”

Beca pulled away and couldn’t stop the smile from playing on her lips as she chuckled to herself. She couldn’t believe that this was happening for them again. She was getting everything all at once and she just wanted to savor it for a little bit longer. They deserved it.

“Let’s wait until we find out what we’re having and then we’ll pick. Okay?” Chloe nodded while biting her bottom lip and Beca couldn’t stop herself from reaching out for her hands and guiding her towards their bedroom. “Right now though, we have something else that needs taking care of.”

* * *

 

Chloe finished wiping off any smudges and fingerprints that she could find on the glass of the frame while Beca finished hammering in the nail above their mantel. She could have volunteered to do the manual labor, but it was adorable to see Beca perched on their mini-ladder and the view was pretty great as well. And when Beca wasn’t paying attention to her, she made sure to snap a quick picture of her to put on Instagram to amuse their friends and Beca’s growing number of fans.

“Okay Beale, bring it over.” Beca turned around carefully on the ladder and held out her hands for Chloe to place the frame in. Chloe snuck a kiss on her cheek as she passed it off to her and chuckled while taking a few steps back to admire the view. Beca grunted under the unexpectedly heavy weight of the frame and carefully hung it up by the metal hanger on the back. Once she was satisfied that it wasn’t going to fall off of the wall and shatter on the floor she looked back at Chloe and softly said “How does it look? Not too crooked?”

 “It looks great.” Her throat was aching from unshed tears and she could feel herself teetering on the edge of losing control. Beca frowned as she slowly climbed down from the ladder and Chloe held her hand out for her to take.

“It’s a little bit bigger than I was expecting, but I guess you can never be too subtle about having your own LP. Do you like it? I completely understand if it make the living room look gaudy or whatever and I’ll take it back to the studio if-“

“-I love it and there’s nothing else I’d rather see every day. I’m so proud of you.” It had been her idea to use a simple picture of Beca just staring into the camera for the cover of the album and Jessica had done a wonderful job for them. She had been inspired by their shared favorite records by Torres, Julien Baker, and Amy Stroup and couldn’t think of a better representation of a strong female artist than by just making yourself vulnerable. Beca had initially protested, but as she snaked her arm around Chloe’s back and squeezed she felt bold and empowered. “Can we listen to it while we make dinner? I was thinking that we could maybe try to make lasagna.”

“If you insist,” Beca teased while reaching for the sleeve and pulling out the record. She placed the simple, black disc onto the platter and wasn’t completely surprised when she felt Chloe lean into her and rest her chin on her shoulder. She sighed into the touch and put the needle onto the spinning record before wrapping her hands around Chloe’s forearms and pulling them around her front into a hug. “Black was a good choice, huh? It’s simple and traditional and…”

She felt her eyes fill with tears as her own soft voice started to flow from the bookshelf speakers and she trailed off, knowing that if she kept talking she would inevitably start to cry. She had been right. There was no way, no matter how hard she had been trying, to be happy about this with _those_ memories forever intertwined in her head.

“It’s beautiful, Beca. You did **so** good.”

“You really think so?” Beca whispered before turning to face her girlfriend and stare into her eyes. She had gotten to the point of comfort where she no longer cared about crying in front of her and didn’t dare blink back the tears that were still burning in the corners of her eyes. If she had learned something in life it was that there was really no point in hiding how she felt, especially when she had someone that loved her as much as Chloe did. “It was never what I expected myself doing, but I also can’t picture not having done this now.”

“I think that you keep surprising yourself with what you’re capable of and it’s one of my absolute favorite things about you. Now, come on, let’s go make some dinner and have a glass of wine and just enjoy this.”

“I…I’ll catch up with you in a minute. I have to go grab something from our bedroom.”

* * *

 

“I can’t believe that you finally proposed to Chloe!” Emily exclaimed while grinning down at the photo that Chloe had posted of the ring onto her Instagram that morning. “We never thought that you would finally lock that one up, but I guess you’re a girl of many surprises. And it’s so pretty!”

“I like it too. And thanks for all of the faith that you had in me and my inability to commit. If it means anything, we’ve actually been engaged for a few weeks. Chloe wanted to give it a little while before we made any sort of announcement so it wouldn’t take anything away from the album release.”

“That is _so_ romantic. You guys are relationship goals.”

“I have no idea what that means, but I’ll take it as a compliment.” Emily beamed back at her and for a single, fleeting second Beca thought that it was possible that she was happier about the engagement than either of them had been. It was brief though because she was marrying Chloe Beale and duh, she was the luckiest girl on Earth. “So, speaking of withholding things, when were you going to tell me about the other guest at our table?”

The smile slipped a little from Emily’s face as she let her hands drift from their place on the table and onto her growing stomach. She had always been tiny and was definitely showing, so Beca didn’t understand why she had tried to hide it or act like it wasn’t there. It was something to be celebrated, not hidden by slouched posture and a sweater in the balmy outdoor eatery.

“Is it that obvious?”

“I don’t want to call you fat, Em, but you’re definitely showing.” She laughed a little when the girl blushed and softly said “Congratulations. I’m so happy for you. For you and Benji - you’ll be great parents.”

“Thank you, that really means a lot. Do you want to see?” Beca nodded and Emily dug through her purse until she found an envelope with a print-out of the sonogram in it. She slid it across the table to Beca and couldn’t stop herself from grinning as she whispered “It looks like we’re going to have another legacy on our hands. Hopefully, he’ll be a Treble one day.”

“A little boy? That’s so amazing!” She let her fingers trace over the outline of the baby on the picture and gasped a little when she saw them tremble. She couldn’t get upset about this. Emily deserved her happiness and even if it ached, she had to be supportive of her. That’s what friends were for.

“Beca…”

“Do the others know?” Beca knew what the answer to the question would be, but it didn’t stop her heart from plummeting into her stomach when the girl nodded and couldn’t look into her eyes. “Why didn’t you want to tell me?”

She wanted to add ‘or Chloe’ to that statement, but Emily was a good kid and she would never want to hurt Chloe. And no matter how much Chloe loved Emily and was a great friend, this was the kinda thing that would keep her staring up at their ceiling at night while Beca pretended that she didn’t hear her sniffling next to her.

“I wanted to Beca, you have to understand that. You’re one of my best friends and I love you and Chloe like sisters. I just didn’t…I didn’t know how I could sit in front of you and say it. I tried to rehearse it so many times, but that only made it worse.” Beca simply nodded while sliding back the sonogram picture and tapping her fingers against the back of Emily’s outstretched hand to urge her to continue. “It’s been strange being happy about this when I’ve seen what you two have been going through just to have a chance at a baby. It hasn’t worked for you and this wasn’t planned for us at all. I’m so happy to be pregnant, but I didn’t see myself being a mom for at least a couple more years, ya know?”

“Yeah, it’s not a thing that you should rush into until you’re really ready or at least at a place in your life where you can become ready eventually. I just want you to know though that we’re going to be here for you for the whole thing. I don’t want you to treat me any different from the rest of your friends.” She squeezed Emily’s hand and firmly added “I’m happy for you.”

“I know,” Emily began while squeezing the bridge of her nose to keep her tears at bay. “I just feel so bad for Chloe and I didn’t want to hurt you guys.”

“We’re friends, Em, and that means that the shit that’s going on in my life can’t supersede your happiness. That’s not how it works.”

“It just didn’t feel right.” Emily sighed while sliding the print-out back into her purse and carefully zipping it back up. She had never imagined that a slip of paper would mean so much to her, but here she was. “And it’s not fair. It anyone deserves a baby, it’s Chloe. She practically took care of all of us when she was a Bella and I never told her how much that meant to me when I was just a scared, insecure freshman. She made sure I did vocal exercises and packed the right clothes for our trips and she included me when everything was so new. And sure, she could be scary as hell, but what mom isn’t? And…I’m just so sorry.”

“Me too.”

“Are you going to tell her about it?” Emily studied Beca’s face as she pondered it for a moment and worried her bottom lip when it appeared that the girl was going to cry. She held it in though and Emily felt even worse that she was relieved about it. She loved Beca and they had become so close since she had graduated, but she had never seen the girl really cry and she didn’t know the first place to start in comforting her. “I understand if you don’t want to or if you don’t know how or even if you want me to-“

“-Em…it’s alright. It’s going to hurt her, but she’ll be alright. And I’m sure that after she’s finished running it out in our neighborhood or crying it out in the shower, she’ll be calling you up to congratulate you and find out what you guys need for your nursery. She’s kinda great that way.” Beca drained the rest of her glass of water (she had given up having drinking breakfasts whenever they had started to try for a baby in her quest to be a better adult) and grinned as she said “We should really cherish this breakfast while we can. Soon all you’ll be talking about is tummy time and showing me baby pictures and it’s going to be such a drag.”

Emily shot her a wry smile because of course, Beca would think that her sarcasm was an effective way to hide that she was hurting. She had known her too long though and saw through her impassive disguise like she wasn’t even trying.

“Well, I hope that’s not true because you’re one of my best friends and I want you around like all the time.” Beca grinned at her from across the table as she finished signing her copy of the check and softly added “Besides, who else will turn my baby into a perfect little cynic? I need you there to keep my kid…well-rounded.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

* * *

 

“I hate this place so much,” Beca mumbled while rifling through a shelf for the fluffy, pink tutu that Amy had texted her a picture of a few days earlier. “When I was a kid we didn’t have to stuff our toys or kiss their hearts before they got shoved into their chests. We just got handed a stupid bear and told to go play. Lola is so lucky that we love her.”

She ventured a glance over at Chloe and felt her heart sink when she saw her attempting to smile while idly playing with the bunny that they had just stuffed together. She had asked Chloe if they could just stay home, avoiding their friends and all of the kids that would be stuffed into Amy and Bumper’s little bungalow, but she had refused. And she knew it was a terrible idea, not only for the fact that she knew that Chloe was still in pain and hiding it, but that Emily would be there with her three-week-old son Jacob. They had yet to meet the little guy and it felt like the absolute worst punishment she could ever come up with in her head.

It had only been a few days since they had miscarried again. It was the third time and Beca was beginning to think that maybe their doctor was completely wrong and that there was something wrong with Chloe that he was missing. And while she hated the idea of carrying a baby, she couldn’t stop the idea from nibbling at the corners of her mind whenever she allowed herself to think about anything besides how much her heart was aching and how sad Chloe looked and the memory of clutching her hand in the bathroom that morning when she was awoken by the sound of Chloe sobbing.

She was so pale and Beca just wanted to wrap her up in her arms and take her home. There was nothing she could do that could make this go away, but maybe just lying in bed together and talking it out like they had done when they were new would make it ache just a little bit less. The bleeding was just starting to taper off and she knew that Chloe was exhausted and they needed to get out of this stupid store. And while she hated to admit it, she was barely holding it together too.

“Let’s go home, Chlo. Lola is only two and she won’t know the difference if we give this to her today or wait a couple days until the hype dies down a little.”

“We promised Amy that we would be there and I know how much she wanted a ballerina bunny.” They had named Chloe as Lola’s godmother and the girl had taken the title to heart. She loved nothing more than volunteering to keep the kids overnight so their parents could have some time to themselves and Beca had an album full of photos on her phone of blanket forts and indoor s’mores and the brightest smile that she had seen on Chloe’s face since they had started treatment so long ago. “We can’t disappoint her.”

“If you say so…” Beca trailed off as Chloe slipped the outfit onto the stuffed animal and smiled up at her. She ran her fingers over the tiny flowers that were stitched just above the frilly lace of the tutu and Beca felt herself melt. She had figured at this point in their relationship that she wouldn’t get butterflies when she caught Chloe in a certain light or situation, but there were worse things to be afflicted with.

She was so lucky.

“Excuse me, could we get in there?”

Beca was startled by the noise behind her and felt Chloe thread her fingers through her belt loops to move her out of the way. When she turned to see who was talking to her any positive emotions she had left fled from her body at the sight of a woman their age holding the hand of her toe-headed daughter and pointing at the rack of dresses and girly costumes. She wasn’t surprised either when she caught Chloe’s eye and saw her barely holding it together as she bit her bottom lip and played nervously with the bunny’s ears. There was no way that they could go to this party. It was far too soon.

“Come on Beale, let’s go buy that present and then we can go home.” She reached out for Chloe’s shoulder and slowly guided her away from the pair and towards the registers. “I’ll even take you for a milkshake before we get there.”

“But Beca-“

“-Babe, you look like you’re about to cry and I’m barely holding it together myself. Let’s just take this night for ourselves and figure out tomorrow when it comes.” Chloe nodded as she dabbed at the corners of her eyes with her shirt and blushed at being caught in a state like this in such a happy place. “I’m going to go make a phone call and I’ll meet you out in the car.”

Chloe watched as her fiancé walked away and didn’t know if she needed to be alone or had other plans up her sleeve, but knowing Beca it was probably the latter. She just hated to be the emotional one all the time. She had given herself a pep talk that morning before they had left the house and she **really** felt that she would be okay but evidently she had way too much confidence in her ability to keep her shit together. She shook her growing anxiety away as the cashier smiled at her and rung up her creation, reading the total aloud that Chloe instantly forgot as she handed over her debit card and waited patiently to escape.

When she exited the store with her bag she wasn’t entirely surprised to see Beca sitting on a bench with a pretzel and a milkshake that she had picked up upstairs in the food court. She took the offered drink with a small smile and let Beca loop her arm around her elbow as she led them to the parking structure. And even though it was just strawberries and ice cream, she felt slightly better.

Beca knew her far too well.

“Who did you call?” Chloe asked as Beca dug through her bag for the keys to their Jeep. It had been a present she had given herself for signing a new artist to the label and they had both been more than happy to leave Chloe’s tiny Metro behind at the dealership. “It couldn’t have been a very long conversation if you managed to have it **and** get us snacks.”

“Excuse you, but I can be very motivated when comfort food is involved.” She located the keys snagged around a lanyard in the bottom of her bag and unlocked the car before climbing in. She was joined by Chloe a few moments later and let her hand linger on the ignition as she watched the girl buckle her seatbelt. “I called Amy and let her know that something came up and we’d be by later in the week with Lola’s present.”

“How did she react?”

“Like any understanding person would. Besides, I heard Axel screaming in the background so I can only imagine the circus that is going on over there. I for one would be happy to have two less bodies in that house.” Chloe knew that Beca was just trying to make her feel better, but she didn’t call her out on it. There was no harm in letting the girl think that she was convinced that they were doing their friend a favor. “And I also managed to order us some Indian food, which should hopefully be sitting on our doorstep by the time I get us out of this garage and home.”

“You’re the best.”

“I try.”

“Honestly though, thank you for this. Sometimes you just know what’s best for me more than I do and I love that about you.” Beca reached out for her hand as she backed out of the space and started to wind their way down from the third level of the garage. “Thank you for being here with me. I love you.”

“I love you more. Let’s go home.”

* * *

 

“Marit offered us her summer house in Paris,” Chloe announced as Beca walked towards their bed, sweeping her damp hair up into a loose ponytail before filling up the empty space next to her. “She called me on Skype while you were in the shower and I guess I looked really stressed out because the first thing she said to me was that I needed a vacation. What do you think?”

“I think that I have a bunch of meetings over the next few weeks and a recording session with Lucius coming up that I really cannot cancel. It was really sweet of her to offer though. I’m glad that you two have stayed friends after all these years.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Things are too crazy right now for a trip.”

Beca frowned at how disappointed Chloe sounded and opened her arms to pull her in for a hug while switching off her bedside lamp.  In the dim light from the nightlight in their bathroom she could see the sadness lingering in Chloe’s sleep heavy eyes and she felt terrible. As busy as the studio was starting to get, nothing would ever be more important to her than her fiancé and maybe it would be nice to get away for a little while. She couldn’t remember the last time they had taken a trip together without the pretense of an educational conference or scouting an unsigned talent. And if she was honest with herself, maybe it would be nice to rediscover each other again without the hum of their busy schedules and heartbreak underscoring every conversation and moment.

“I guess it wouldn’t be the worst idea to take a few days off from everything. I mean, I did hire Cynthia Rose to do things _other_ than playing on her phone all day and I think she’d be capable of holding down the fort for a few days.”

“Really?” Chloe whispered into Beca’s neck, trying not to sound too hopeful as she leaned on her elbow and ran her fingers up and down Beca’s bare arms. “I completely understand if you can’t take time off right now. And we don’t **have** to go to Paris or anything that fancy. She just offered and I dunno…it’s a beautiful city that I’d love to watch you experience for the first time.”

“Well, when you put it that way, how can I say no?” Chloe leaned forward and kissed the corner of her mouth before laying back down next to her and reaching out to hold her hand. “I think it could be good for us to get away for a little while. We don’t even have to sightsee or anything like that. We could just lounge all day and never leave the bed.”

“We would starve, my dear,” Chloe whispered while fighting off the sleep that was threatening to capsize her. “But I _do_ like the way your mind works. I’ve always thought that Paris was the most romantic city in the world and I always imagined myself visiting it whenever I got married. Could you imagine walking those streets and seeing history on every corner, but knowing that nothing could top that band on your finger and the person holding your hand? God, I sound sappy.”

And as Beca stared at the ceiling she couldn’t help but think that no, there wasn’t anything sappy about it. In fact, it sounded kinda perfect. She had thought that it would be better to hold off on getting married for a long time, but after everything that they had gone through as a couple there really was no reason to wait.

There was no one else that she wanted to be with. She had found her person.

“It doesn’t sound sappy at all.”

* * *

 

Beca hadn’t traveled much, but she was pretty sure that Paris was the most beautiful city in the entire world. And maybe it helped that the most beautiful girl in the universe was currently lounging across from her reading a book and nibbling on a macaroon, but she was sure that it would be pretty spectacular sans Chloe Beale. She just didn’t want to ever imagine that possibility.

She had somehow felt lighter the moment their plane touched the ground and she had seemingly been floating along for the past three days as they played tourist and ate amazing food and made love during the evenings. It was just nice to not have the pressure of work and the looming nightmare of coming up with the courage for another round of IVF that probably wouldn’t work. They were finally just together in a place where nobody knew them and it was pure bliss.

It was the best honeymoon that a girl could ask for.

They had gotten married on a Tuesday afternoon, in the hour block between Chloe’s summer classes and Beca’s demo session with Lucius. It had been the first beautiful day of the early summer and Beca had been sitting on the back deck with Mo when she realized that she couldn’t go another day without taking that next step.

Paris was beautiful and the Eiffel Tower had been breathtaking, but they had nothing on the look on Chloe’s face when Beca interrupted her lunch hour with a bouquet of roses and her outstretched hand inviting her to go for a ride. And while the courthouse was far from the dreams that Chloe had whispered to her some nights when sleep felt too far away, she could barely say her vows from the smile that was preoccupying her mouth. She had been in a blue dress that rivaled her eyes in beauty. It was the most perfect half hour of her life.

And just like that it was over. She dropped Chloe back off at work with her bouquet and an extra ring on her finger and a kiss that lingered just a second too long. She felt like electricity was running under her skin as she tried to focus during the session and when the girls in the band asked her if she was okay when she couldn’t stop pacing, they were the first to know that she was a very new wife.

And then she let rock stars buy her far too many celebratory shots before coming home to her spouse. Sometimes she couldn’t believe her life.

They kept their marriage to themselves and it was for the best. They would have a “real” ceremony to celebrate with the people that they loved the most when the time was right. For now, this was just for them to enjoy and cherish as they got away from it all. They had earned it.

She loved the way that Chloe couldn’t stop playing with her wedding band as she stared out at the courtyard beneath the balcony. It was gold and simple, but last night when they walked together holding hands the weight of it in the palm of her hand made Chloe’s sleepy thoughts suddenly make complete sense. They had seen The Louvre, the Notre Dame, and the Champs-Elysees, but they felt so insignificant compared to this thing that they had created together. They were a family now and she felt stable and grounded and like she could take on the world.

Like she could say the words that had been playing on her tongue all morning.

“Babe…if you wanted to stop with the treatments I would understand.” Chloe looked up from the plate of dessert with an unreadable look on her face and Beca hoped that she wasn’t about to start the first big riff of their marriage. “It’s just that experiencing this city with you has made me realize that we would be okay like this. We could travel and have each other and it would be alright. I think that it would be enough for me, to have you and this life if you can’t go through it again.”

“It’d be enough for me too,” Chloe softly added while standing up from her lounger and moving Beca’s feet from the ottoman in front of her to sit down and look up at her. “We have a good life together and I know that you would continue to make it special for me. And I hope that I can do the same for you.”

“You do and I love you for it.” Chloe smiled a little before reaching out to take Beca’s left hand in her own and raising her ring finger to her lips. She placed a gentle kiss on the band and then one on the corner of her mouth before letting her hands rest on her cheeks and rub soothing circles. “I would try for you, if you decided that you couldn’t do it anymore. If you realized one day that I wasn’t enough for you and that you couldn’t imagine your life without a child in it. If this…” She trailed off as her eyes became heavy with tears and Chloe swiped them away before they had a chance to fall as she tried to make the words begin again.

“Baby…”

“It one day **we** aren’t enough then I’d do it. I need you to understand that, Chlo. If this gets to be too much then I’ll take that burden from you. All you have to do is say the word and I’ll do whatever you need.” She moved Chloe’s hands from her face and cradled them in her own as Chloe simply smiled back at her and made her feel at ease. There was nothing to be afraid of, no words that could push her away. “I know that I said before that it wasn’t for me, but I changed my mind. I just want you to be happy and I want to be enough for you.”

“My darling, you will always be enough for me. And as much as I love hearing that you’d do that for us, I have something that I need to tell you.”

“Chloe…I can’t.” She was suddenly on the verge of tears again and she tried desperately to rise from her chair and hide inside, but Chloe was applying firm pressure to her thighs to keep her in place and she knew that she couldn’t keep running from the things that scared her. “I don’t know if I can go through this again. This whole thing is killing me and it hurts too fucking much to get my hopes up and then watch you go through the agony when it doesn’t work for us. It’s too much.”

“Sixteen weeks.” Beca felt Chloe’s hands tremble as they held onto her and she took them in her own, holding them as she watched her blink tears out of her eyes. They had never reached this point before. It was real. “We’re sixteen weeks along and she’s strong. Her heartbeat is perfect.”

“She?” Beca softly asked, not trying any longer to hold back her tears as they streamed down her cheeks and plopped onto her jeans. “A little girl?”

“Surprise.”

“Oh God. Have you…can I see her?”

“I can’t believe you didn’t notice my belly,” Chloe teased as she picked up her purse and looked for the envelope that contained the print-out from the sonogram. “You wouldn’t believe how hard it was to keep this from you, especially at my last visit when they told me we were having a girl. I just knew how busy you were with work and I couldn’t put you through the worrying and agony until we were out of the woods. Please try not to be too angry with me.”

“I could never be angry with you, Chlo.” She took the print-out in her hands and ran her fingers over the blurry picture, trying to make out exactly where their baby was. “So this little blob is Baby Mitchell?”

“She’s right there,” Chloe pointed the baby out as she wrapped her arms around Beca’s back and leaned over her shoulder. “What do you think? Does she look like me?”

“You look beautiful, but I think this little one has you beat.”

* * *

 

“Do you want some cake?” Chloe asked while sitting on the swing next to Beca and offering a slice of chocolate sheet cake to her. “I had to get between rabid pre-teens and Sheila to grab you a piece. Who knew your sister was Ms. Popularity.”

“God, I know,” Beca sighed while taking the paper plate from Chloe and scooping up a little of the icing onto her spork. “Sometimes I wonder if we’re even related. You never know, Sheila could have had a side piece back in her homewrecker days and used the little brat to tie my dad down.”

“Beca, that’s **horrible**.”

“It could be true though, Beale.” Beca bit back a laugh as Chloe shook her head at her incredulously. Sometimes she couldn’t believe how much she loved her. “I never had huge parties like this when I was a kid. Maybe it’s just Sheila’s influence.”

“I just can’t believe how old she’s getting. It seems like just yesterday we were taking her to pee-wee soccer games and now she’s like this miniature adult. It makes me feel old.”

“That’s because you **are** old, my dear.” Beca swung out of Chloe’s reach as she lunged to shove her with a groan of protest and just smiled as the girl re-balanced herself with a cautious arm wrapped around her belly. “No, I totally feel the same way. We actually have real conversations when I take her out to dinner now and she’s _so_ sarcastic.”

“She takes after you.”

“She’s mean to me,” Beca muttered while handing the remaining chunk of cake back to Chloe to finish and standing up to push her wife. “I really think I was meant to be an only child.”

Chloe just smiled and leaned her head back against Beca’s chest as she started to push her gently. And when Addie and her friends ran outside through the patio doors, breaking their happy lull with their screeches as they played with whatever new toy Addie had been given, Chloe dug her feet into the dirt beneath her to stop her swinging and simply observe them.

“One day that’s going to be us, B.” Chloe whispered and smiled gently when Beca simply groaned in protest behind her. “Enjoy these next few months of peace while we have it.”

“Our daughter is going to be quiet and a lover of the indoors, thank you very much.”

“God, I love it when you say _our_ daughter. It never gets old hearing it.” She could feel Beca smiling as she leaned down to place a quick kiss on the top of her head and let her slowly push her again. “I can’t wait to see how she turns out. I was wild as a little kid so hopefully she takes after her other mommy.”

“First of all, it’ll **never** be mommy, and secondly I’m pretty sure I’m the reason my father is completely gray so I’d think twice before you wish for a mini-me.” She let her hands slip down a little on the ropes and held Chloe’s in her own as she continued to push and watch her sister show her group of friends something on her cell phone as they gathered around the pool. “I hope she doesn’t grow up too quickly. It seems like just yesterday my dad was introducing me to the little squirt and now she’s thirteen. Sometimes I can’t even wrap my head around it.”

“We all have to grow up sometime, Bec.”

“She’s just starting to get interested in boys and it kinda skeeves me out. And I know that I’m starting to sound like my dad, but it kills me whenever she brings up the boys she likes or wants to date. She’s way too young for boys. I didn’t even have my first kiss until I was seventeen.”

“Kids are different now. They grow up too fast and just because it’s different than when we were kids doesn’t mean that you can stop it. You have to let her grow up.”

“I just don’t want her to get hurt,” Beca whispered as Chloe slowed down their swinging just a little. “I don’t want to be that guy, but if someone hurt her I’m pretty sure I’d have to kill them.”

“Beca…”

“I know it sounds overbearing and possessive and everything that a cool older sister shouldn’t be, but I worry about her. Boys **or** girls have the ability to crush you and I don’t want that for her.” She let her hand creep down to raise Chloe’s hand to her lips and placed a kiss on her wedding band before moving it down to rest on her growing belly. It was all happening so fast and she’d love to be able to slow it all down to just let it soak in for a moment. She had never thought that she would have this life and now that she did she wanted to cherish every moment. “Not everyone gets as lucky as I did.”

“You’re going to be such a good mom, Beca.”

Beca felt a surge of emotion in her chest and didn’t care who saw as she spun Chloe around and kissed her firmly on her lips. She had been cautious all day, still unsure of how to act in front of Addison and her friends. They had come so far but she still wasn’t sure if it was “okay” for Addie to have a gay sister – or at least one in front of her friends. And if it wasn’t, then she would have to feel terrible later for making Addie’s life more difficult than it needed to be because she couldn’t stop herself from pulling Chloe into an awkward, but strangely fulfilling, hug through the straps of the old tire swing.

“Oh my god, babe!” Chloe softly gasped while Beca backed away with concern starting to fill in the happy gaps on her face. “She’s kicking – feel!”

Beca tentatively placed her hand on Chloe’s belly and frowned a little when she didn’t feel anything. “Chlo, I don’t feel it. I don’t think she likes me.”

“Shh…,” Chloe shushed her while gripping and moving Beca’s hand slowly down the front of her stomach, grinning when Beca flushed as she grew closer to the apex of her thighs. “Right here.”

“Holy shit.”

“No swearing in front of the little peanut.” Beca grinned at her as the baby continued to kick inside her stomach and squeezed her hand as tears welled up in her eyes. “How does it feel?”

“Perfect.”

* * *

 

“You’re gonna need a bigger boat,” Jesse quipped as he loaded the final box of diapers into the back of her jeep and struggled to shut the trunk. “Seriously, who knew that a baby would require this much stuff?”

“You’re telling me, Swanson. I’m going to need to add an addition onto the house,” Beca mumbled before tapping her key fob twice to lock her car and nodding her head back towards the pavilion where Chloe was entertaining the few people that hadn’t left their baby shower yet. “Wanna go for a walk?”

Jesse nodded and slung an arm easily around her shoulders as she led them towards the path that circled the small pond. It was days like this that made her happy that they had chosen to stick around in Atlanta. It was nice to have bearable weather in the winter and her bomber jacket was more than enough to keep her comfortable in January.

“So…what’s eating you? You’ve been cagey all day.”

Beca just sighed as he led them towards a bench that overlooked the entire park and sat down with him, tapping her fingers against her denim-clad thighs and trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t make her sound like a crazy person. It was hard to stop herself from spewing some serious verbal vomit all over the place and she just shrugged while pinching the bridge of her nose between two fingers and closing her eyes as her headache started to migrate towards her temples.

“Seriously Beca, you’re starting to worry me. I’m not the only one who noticed either.” Beca looked up long enough to glare at him and he softly said “What?! Why do you think I left my beautiful fiancés’ side to lug eight hundred boxes to your car with you? I love you dude, but she had to practically beg me to find out what your deal is and risk getting my head bitten off in the process.”

“Nice. Glad to see that Posen is still a little dictator.”

“She’s worried about you, B. You’ve been sulking all day and hovering over Chloe like you’re afraid that she’s going to disappear.” Beca just shook her head as she played with a loose string on her shirt and he covered her hand with his to stop her fidgeting. “Are you worried about the baby? I’m sure it’s perfectly normal to get pre-baby jitters. It’s not much longer.”

“I don’t think I’m going to be a very good mom. Is there anything about me that screams maternal to you?” Jesse paused for a second too long and Beca just sighed as her eyes brimmed with tears. “My thoughts exactly.”

“Bec…”

“It’s okay, Jesse. You’re not telling me anything that I haven’t been agonizing over for the past four months.”

“I don’t think that you can know what kind of parent you’re going to be until you have that baby in your arms. And if it means anything to you, I’ve seen the way that you look at Chloe and if you love that kid as much as you love her then your daughter is going to be very lucky.” He smiled as Beca visibly relaxed a little and gently added “Besides, if Bumper can do it, so can you.”

“Thank you, Jesse - that was very reassuring.”

“Seriously, Beca. You’re going to be a great mom and you’re so lucky to have a partner like Chloe. I’m like…99% sure that she would never **let** you be anything other than great.” She slugged him firmly in the shoulder and he winced a little before he added “Besides, how hard can it be? Feed the baby, change the baby, and make sure the baby is happy. Not so tough, right?”

“Something tells me that you’re over-simplifying this whole parenting thing, but I’m going to choose to go with it. We should probably head back up there before Chloe sends out a search party.”

He stood up and offered her a hand, pulling her to her feet and letting her lean into his side as they walked quietly back to up the pavilion. She seemed less tense than she had been before and he could practically see her melt as they walked in on Chloe rubbing her huge belly while she watched their final guests depart.

“Is the party finally over?”

“There’s my girl!” Chloe exclaimed while turning around and pulling Beca into her side. “I was worried that you were never going to come back.”

“I’d never let that happen, Chlo,” Jesse chimed in while zipping up his jacket and firing off a quick text to Aubrey. “Bree just arrived at your house and is starting to put some of the food away. I’m going to take a load of this stuff over there and help her a little. Are you guys cool here?”

“Yeah, we’re fine. Thanks, Jess.” Jesse winked at her as he started to walk towards the parking lot and Beca just shook her head as she looked around the now empty space. “You should see how much stuff is in the back of our car. We’re going to be unpacking until the baby gets here.”

“Well, good thing our friends are getting a head-start on it then. Let’s go home.”

She flicked off the light switch in the corner of the room and reached out for Beca’s hand as she intertwined their fingers and closed the door behind them. She couldn’t believe that the day was finally over. It had gone by **so** fast and now it finally felt like they were in the homestretch. They had more than enough diapers and onesies and cute little outfits to last for weeks and all they needed was for their little one to arrive for their family to be complete. Sometimes she felt like she was going to burst with excitement. She couldn’t wait to be a mom and hold their little girl and enjoy it with the person she loved best.

She just needed to make sure they were on the same page.

“I’m worried about you, Beca.”

Beca rolled her eyes a little as she unlocked their car and held the door open for Chloe. She refused to make eye contact with her as she made sure that she had the seatbelt fastened safely over her belly and wordlessly shut the passenger door before crossing the front of the car to get behind the wheel. But when Chloe covered her hand on the ignition and stopped her from starting the car she knew that they weren’t leaving there without addressing her fears head-on.

“Beca…please.”

“I’m scared, okay?” She hated the way that her voice was shaking as Chloe only squeezed her hand tightly and moved it to her belly. And feeling the baby kicking gently underneath her fingers wasn’t making her anxiety any better. “We’re going to be responsible for a baby in less than a month and I’m not ready. I’m not…I’m not sure if I’m ever going to be ready for this. And I’m sorry that I can’t be what you both need.”

“You’ve always been everything that I’ve needed and I **know** that you’re going to be amazing at this.”

“Well, I hope you have enough confidence for the both of us.”

“I do,” Chloe softly replied before lifting Beca’s hand to her lips and placing a soft kiss on the back of it. “You’ve put together furniture and been to Lamaze classes and sung to my belly every night since I told you we were expecting. You’ve kept me calm throughout this whole thing when I’ve been worried sick that we’d lose another baby and without you I wouldn’t be so sure that we’re going to be ready for this. I believe in you.”

“You always have, haven’t you?” Chloe simply nodded at her as she motioned for Beca to start the car and take them home. “You have to promise me that you’ll help me in the beginning, ya know? I can’t promise you that I’ll be good at diapers or getting her to sleep or anything like that.”

“I’ll be sure to lower my expectations appropriately.”

“Jesus, that was harsh.”

“I’m joking! And we’re going to be learning this whole thing together so you’ll be helping me too. It’s a team effort, Beca.” She stared expectantly at Beca until she nodded back at her and tried to force a smile onto her face. “We’re going to be amazing. Now, let’s go home before those two aca-ruin the beautiful nursery you built.”

“I fucking love you **so** much.”

“Language!” Beca just laughed as she backed their car out of the space and out onto the highway that would take them back home. “And B?”

“Yeah, Chlo?”

“I love you too.”

* * *

 

“All this pink makes me sick, kiddo,” Beca whispered to the tiny baby that was sleeping soundly in her arms. She had screamed the whole ride home but once they walked through the front doors she had finally drifted off to sleep. Beca couldn’t help but think that someone up there had to be watching out for them at that moment. She was **so** tired. “How dare we enforce society’s gender expectation on you when you’re this little? We’re the worst.”

“Beca…you’re going to wake her and then I’m going to kill you.” Chloe squeezed her shoulder gently and motioned towards the empty bassinet. The plan had been to put the sleeping infant to bed and get some rest, but Beca couldn’t seem to stop whispering to her. It would be absolutely adorable if she didn’t feel like she was five seconds from falling asleep herself. “Come on babe, let her try out her first bed. Besides, I haven’t slept well in days and you look like you haven’t either.”

“It’s hard without you here. Mo isn’t enough.”

“Well, I’m here now.” She ran her fingers through their daughter’s light brown ringlets and softly added “All three of us are home. Now, say good night.”

“Goodnight Elena Claire,” Beca whispered while slowly easing her into the too big bassinette and watching as Chloe turned on the baby monitor next to it. “Sleep tight. Scream if you need anything.”

“Beca…”

“Well, I didn’t want to mention letting the bed bugs bite. That’s just fucking-“

“-Beca!”

“Goodnight little girl,” Beca smirked as Chloe’s eyes grew misty and reached out for her left hand, pulling it up to her lips and placing a kiss on the diamond that decorated her ring finger. This was their first time putting their child to bed. If she thought about it for longer than a minute she would swear that she was watching someone else’s life. This one was far too sweet to be real. “Love you.”

“Goodnight little bear.” Chloe turned off the light and sniffled softly as the nightlight next to the bed illuminated the baby. She was **so** perfect.  “We’ll see you in the morning.”

 


End file.
